[Alvin Moss]

Re: Hello

Friend, I'm afraid you have me mistaken for a Joo. Perhaps because of my occupation? In any case, I'm a lily-White Anglo-Saxon Protestant just like yourself. And my employees aren't forced to pray. They're all Southern Baptists like myself, as evidenced by their willingness to pray during devotional meetings- and the fact that there's only one southern Baptist church in this town that preaches the true word, which we all attend.

It is a relief to know that you are not a Jew. Levenson sounds like a Jew name and I was pretty sure you are one. I am glad to know I was wrong, though I am not often wrong about anything. We are not the enemies of Jews here. In fact, we strive to bring them to Jesus, that they may avoid Hell, which they so richly deserve. We have had some small success in that area, but most Jews remain unsaved and Hell bound.


Do tell us more of your adventures with Jesus. God Bless!

[Walter Van Slyke]

Re: Hello

It is a relief to know that you are not a Jew. Levenson sounds like a Jew name and I was pretty sure you are one. I am glad to know I was wrong, though I am not often wrong about anything.

Brother Alvin, I believe you were right the first time. Saying someone named Sam Levenson is not a joo is like saying someone named Barack Hussein Obama is not a Kenyan mooselimb. I am sure that if Mr. Levenson were to perform even a perfunctory investigation into his heritage, he would see that this is so.

That said, we rejoice that he has rejected the path of his ancestors that leads to eternal damnation and accepted Jesus wholly!

Also, I for one do not think his being a joo has anything to do with his inability to follow basic instructions and provide us with a favorite Bible verse.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Hello

Please follow the directions and do what you are told! You are not getting off on the foot, mister.

Don't be so sure, sister...these joos are a perverse lot.

[Samuel Levenson]

Re: Hello

Brother Alvin, I believe you were right the first time. Saying someone named Sam Levenson is not a joo is like saying someone named Barack Hussein Obama is not a Kenyan mooselimb. I am sure that if Mr. Levenson were to perform even a perfunctory investigation into his heritage, he would see that this is so.

That said, we rejoice that he has rejected the path of his ancestors that leads to eternal damnation and accepted Jesus wholly!

Also, I for one do not think his being a joo has anything to do with his inability to follow basic instructions and provide us with a favorite Bible verse.

Some years ago my sister hired a professional genealogist to trace our family history. We were all very curious about our roots. Our money was well worth it. The genealogist did a great job. She was able to track our family tree back to the late thirteenth century!


As we expected from our family's oral tradition, we came to America from England where we had lived for as long as anyone could remember. My oldest known direct ancestor, Ezekiel Levenson (born 1254), was a banker of sorts for some very prominent English families. As the genealogist explained, they didn't bank like we think of it now but someone still had to manage the purse strings.


Before about 1250 the records dry up. So as far as I can tell, my family has been of fine English stock for about seven centuries now.

[Samuel Levenson]

Re: Hello

Sorry for the double post but I think this is relevant.


I realize that many of you think that I could still be Jewish even though my family history says I'm English. Maybe you think they were secret Jews, practicing their perfidious rituals with Christian infants in the sewers of London. But that can't be the case, and I'll tell you why.


In the year 1290, probably acting under divine guidance, King Edward I told all the Jews to either become Christians or to pack their bags and find some other country to pickpocket. So you see, my family can't be Jewish because if they were they would have left England.


The fact that we were there for another five centuries proves that we can't possibly be Jewish.