[Micah Obediah Birch]

Re: New here

Welcome to God's favorite forum. Pease tell us more about yourself and your walk with Jesus.

How old are you? Are you an heir to the Welch's fortune? Because that's who founded the JB's.

Hello Pastor Ezekiel,

Mr. Welch was fond of my daddy's great uncle, once removed, John Birch, a Baptist missionary who was killed in WWII by a bunch of dirty comunisses. Mr. Welch unfortunately is burning in hell because he backslid from the true Baptist religion and became one of those lying Unitarians. We got no inheritance from the Welch's.

I lead prayer and worship with my family every morning and pray with the chilrens before they go to bed each night. I am 41 years old. I mow the church grounds at Rocky Mount Primitive Baptist church with my John Deere and also look after the cemetery. I read my leather bound gold leaf red letter Holy 1620 KJV Thompson Chain Reference Bible as often as I can. I have read it cover to cover 63 times now.

Proverbs 23:13-14

13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

[Micah Obediah Birch]

Re: New here

How intriguing. I always wondered where Mr. Welch came up with the name!

Welcome to God's Favorute Forums™, brother Micah! It sure sounds like you've got a handful down there with all those boys. I'll be around their parts in just a few months when we tour the U.S. on our Ice Cream Truck Salvation youth mission. We have the creamiest salvation strategy anywhere, and let me tell you, we are saving boys hand over fist! With God's Will and Grace, we'll meet you and your boys then!

Hello Youth Minister Harry,

Thank you sir for your kind offer, but we allow our chilrens no sugar. It leads to all sorts of ungodly sins and rots their teeth. Most of the heathern chilrens around Frog Eye here got no teeth.

Proverbs 22:6

6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

[Micah Obediah Birch]

Re: New here

BRAVO Sir BRAVO! God will surely favor you in His favorite forum. I am in Awe of your achievement. Perhaps your daughter is of age? I recently lost my wife. I was cleared from all responsibility. Slight mishap with my new security system. Thanks to my dead wife, I can now say it's all the better. I just knew God matched her and I for a reason.

Hello Sir,

Dinah is 13 years old. She is already betrothed to her second cousin, Elijah Jacob Barnhouse, 23 years old. There was a nasty rumor going around Frog Eye that Dinah was pregnant but this is a lie from the pit of hell.

Numbers 16:33

33 They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation.

[Micah Obediah Birch]

Re: New here

Dear Friend,

This is most impressive. Out of the war of good and evil, from repulsive marital duties and near death of each conjugal relation, the most exalted object which we are capable of conceiving, namely, the production of new soldiers to Christ, directly follows. There is grandeur in this sacrifice of yours, and I can relate to that. Only one miss out of 13 is a superb achievement and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Micah 4:5
For all people will walk every one in the name of his god, and we will walk in the name of the LORD our God for ever and ever.

Welcome, Friend. You just might have found your Spiritual Home.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Hello Mr. White,

Are you related to the so called prophetess of the Seventh-Day Adventist cult, Ellen G. White?

Matthew 24:23-24

23 Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not.

24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: New here

Hello Mr. White,

Are you related to the so called prophetess of the Seventh-Day Adventist cult, Ellen G. White?

Matthew 24:23-24

23 Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not.

24 For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.

Mr. Birch,

God has been very good to me. I sometimes wonder, not dissimilar to Jonah, that He is sometimes too merciful (Jonah 4:2) when it comes to my ancestors. The tradition of harlotry and revolting unnatural genderbending (1 Timothy 2:12) initiated by a distant great-great grandmother did not stop until it had reached my mother as promised by God (Exodus 20:5). They are lost to God and they are lost to me and my feelings towards these distant or close female relatives are those that Jesus taught us (Luke 14:26). The woman whose name you mentioned may belong to the genetic line that ends with a man of God whom I usually refer to with the perpendicular pronoun but as promised, past things are painful but washed away in the blood of Christ.

Isaiah 4:4
When the Lord shall have washed away the filth of the daughters of Zion, and shall have purged the blood of Jerusalem from the midst thereof by the spirit of judgment, and by the spirit of burning.

I understand that you are new here but I would really appreciate more discretion in the future.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer