Klanger intro

[KLANGER]

Greetings!

I am humbly reading the posts in this site after having been introduced to your wondrous forum recently. I am sure at some point I will sit at the feet of the wise and amazing teachers here and soak up all you have to offer. In the meantime I am learning how to be submissive and appropriate. I appreciate the opportunity to learn.

Whatever my former church affiliation or fleeting favorite verse may be, they are not worthy.

Thank you for letting me touch the hem of your garments.

K. Langer

[Roland]

Re: Klanger intro

Hello Mr. Langer,

Welcome to this forum. I fail to get the jest of your message but I am sure you will find in this place a nice, homely and comfortable residence. As long as you accept Jesus(R) as your saviour.

Kind regards,

Roland

[Des]

Re: Klanger intro

Hello, Klinger. Please tell us you are no relation to this Klinger.

[KLANGER]

Re: Klanger intro

Roland thank you for the warm welcome! No jest - just grateful to be here. Tried to state it in the biblical format, not sure if I got that right. I still need to locate a KJB. All I have are these American Standard and NSV copies, something with a bunch in the middle called the Apocryphal writings, and another one called the Living Bible. What should I do with that one? I have a friend who insisted it was much easier to read than the others, but so far it feels as dirty as reading "Harry Potter" or "Fifty Shades of Grey". At least, I suspect it would if I were sinful enough to read either of those books.

Looking to determine my next steps in this spiritual quest. All advice appreciated. As a woman, I am trying to determine which verse I should adopt as my favorite. Can the men in this forum offer me advice please?

[KLANGER]

Re: Klanger intro

Hello, Klinger. Please tell us you are no relation to this Klinger.

Hello!

Without my hair properly secured, and when I fail to wax my slight mustache, I fear I do resemble that Klinger on occasion, but an hour of godly work before a mirror (without succumbing to vanity) will transform me into something a bit more feminine. I am a lady - K is the first initial, but Langer is the gift from the patriarchy that gave me life, so that's the more important name for now.

[Roland]

Re: Klanger intro

Hello Mrs. Langer,

Please accept my apologies for addressing you as Mr. in my previous post. In this sub forum you can tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse* is and how you came to find Jesus. Would you care to share that information with us?

Kind regards,

Roland

*KJV only

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Klanger intro

Miss Klanger,

What a pleasant surprise to meet a woman with some skills of writing and an understanding of the grievous state your foremother initiated (Genesis 3:6). The Author of Ecclesiastes (Jesus wrote it and transmitted it then to a scribe) understood very well intricacies of the female mindset. Perhaps that Book could offer you some Scripture that would eventually become your favorite.

Ecclesiastes 7:28
“Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.”

Furthermore, after the Creation Scientists invented the Interwebs, it has been possible to read the original Word of God, the KJV on the line.



Please, accept our welcome.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[KLANGER]

Re: Klanger intro

You have all been so kind! I am going to simply burn these other versions of the interpretations of the Scriptures before they do more harm than good, and will indeed look up the KJV on this marvelous machine. Mr. White, you have been most instructful, and I thank you.

Mr. Roland, please do not apologize for the gender confusion toward me. I'm sure it's not the last time that will happen. I am still in search of my favorite verse, and I'm convinced the Lord will instill one in me soon, particularly after I've remained as quiet as possible in the presence of the men here, and reviewed what others have found as Pearls of Great Price in their own searches. Mr. White was most kind to point me in the direction of Ecclesiastes, which prior to this date I had only known by the carnal music of a 60s band called the Byrds.

I have learned so much already!

Regarding finding Jesus, if you'll pardon the analogy, I am still in the "Amber Alert" phase of my search for Him, knowing that others have sounded the alarm and that He is likely nearby traveling toward me with haste in a well traveled American car, and it is my duty to keep watch and not miss Him.

[Des]

Re: Klanger intro

Oh, I am so pleased you have seen the light and are ready to burn those false versions of the Bible! Please burn multiple copies of those Hairy Potter witchcraft manuals as well.

And while I have no idea what these multiple shades of gray are, I assure you the world works in total black and white, devoid of any gray area. Good vs Evil, God vs Satan, Republicans vs Democrats, vanilla vs chocolate, country vs western, Cowboys vs Broncos.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Klanger intro

Welcome Miss Klanger. It is refreshing to finally met a real Christian woman after all the godless wretches that have come along in recent days. We seem to get about 8-10 false Christians for every honest Christian who finds this site. For the last day or two, we have been dealing with a particularly nasty Mexican from Portugal. They know not the Lord there.

Do tell us about your adventures in finding Jesus. I believe from your previous statements that you are not married. Has your father found you a prospect, or are you still a spinster? I hope that he has given you permission to be on the internets and especially this site. We don't want anything untoward going on. We want to know all about you. Tell us of your previous life without Jesus, what sinful activities you were involved with and what you regret most. Don't be shy. Let it all out. You cannot shock us.

God Bless!