[Roast Beef]

Re: My Introduction!

Hello RaeLynn, I'm even newer to the Landover Baptists than you.
You seem like a good True Christian to me and I'm wondering if you can give me some helpful advice.
You see, until very recently I didn't think it was necessary to believe in God but then I had this dream which showed me what hell is like and I knew then that I should make a real effort and try to.
I've been told by many posters here that I must start by reading the Bible all the way through.
Easier said than done, in my opinion.
First off, the language is really off-putting and while I'm quite enjoying the stories about God telling his favourite Chosen People to massacre their neighbours, there are literally pages and pages of instructions about getting clean after having a period - which being a man I don't have - or a baby (ditto).
Perhaps you can tell me - when I die and am being judge, do you think God will test me on how much I know of these rules?
Also, do I need to be a Young Earth Creationist and believe in the authenticity of the Turin Shroud in order to win God's approval and not to be sent to Hell?


I am sure you know the answer to these questions.


Thanking you in advance for your time


Roast Beef.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: My Introduction!

Hello RaeLynn....

No point, dear. She's restrained within a special area for egregious sinners and can't answer you.

[Roast Beef]

Re: My Introduction!

No point, dear. She's restrained within a special area for egregious sinners and can't answer you.

I am rather shocked and very disappointed to hear this dreadful news.


And she seems so pleasant!


In her absence, I wonder, dear Lady, if you might address these very real concerns of mine?


(Or perhaps I should raise them in the thread in which I introduced myself?
As a personage of wisdom - despite being a woman - and experience - I take it you do have experience? - what would you advise?
Matters here are becoming more pressing because I believe that Mrs Roast Beef No. 3 - or it might be No.4, I lose count of these things - is proposing to poison me and if she should succeed - God forbid! - I might be confronting that evil-eyed goat sooner rather than later).

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: My Introduction!

(Or perhaps I should raise them in the thread in which I introduced myself?

I suggest you do that. Perhaps someone with more patience/time on their hands than I have will address your questions.

Matters here are becoming more pressing because I believe that Mrs Roast Beef No. 3 - or it might be No.4, I lose count of these things - is proposing to poison me

Do give her my very best wishes.

[Roast Beef]

Re: My Introduction!

Do give her my very best wishes.

That is kind of you.
However, I do think that if you were to meet Mrs Roast Beef No3 (or No.4) you might wonder if your "best wishes" are entirely appropriate.
When she became Mrs Roast Beef No. 3 (or No.4, depending on whom you wish to believe) she had just one chin and was whisker-less.
Now her chins merge seamlessly into her chest, and all of them are whiskery. She also possesses a bosom which, if it were not strapped up, would reach her knees.
Her temper, sad to relate, is entirely congruent with her thick, beetling eyebrows which meet in the middle in an extremely menacing manner.
Frankly - and speaking as her husband - she does not require anyone's best wishes.

[lial Mike]

Re: My Introduction!

you are so welcome RaeLynn nice to meet you