Hello from California!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

My name is Aaron Portway. I found this forum while searching for a suitable local Baptist church. None seemed right. So I came here. Do any of you all here know of a good baptist church in the Fresno, CA area? I've strayed from following Christ for the last few years, but I'm ready to get back on the right path. Thanks in advance,

Aaron

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello from California!

Welcome good sir, to God's favorite forum. Feel free to look around, and ask any questions you might have.

Tell us about youself, friend. What church do you attend? How many soldiers for Christ have you produced?

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Hello from California!

Do any of you all here know of a good baptist church in the Fresno, CA area?

Perhaps the good Pastors can recommend a church, but it's really quite a problem, because living in California is much like living in the Biblical city of Sodom--you aren't likely to find even 10 righteous men there. It would be far better for you to leave that Godless state. However, if you choose to stay, then, when you're looking at a church (Baptist, of course), call the pastor and ask the following five questions. If the answer to any of these is anything other than an unqualified "yes," then move on, because that church rejects the Word of God:

1) Should those who do not seek the Lord be put to death?

And they entered into a covenant to seek the LORD God of their fathers with all their heart and with all their soul; That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. 2 Chronicles 15:12-13

2) Should we refuse to bury dead relatives who were nonbelievers?

And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead. Matthew 8:21-22

3) Was Jesus diabetic?

And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. Ephesians 5:2

4) Should homosexuals be put to death?

And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.... knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. Ephesians 5:27, 32

5) Should you abandon your family if they do not accept Christ?

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26

I hope these guidelines help.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Hello from California!

Welcome good sir, to God's favorite forum. Feel free to look around, and ask any questions you might have.

Tell us about youself, friend. What church do you attend? How many soldiers for Christ have you produced?

I have looked at some of the postings on this forum. It is a very interesting place. Some of the people here have rather strong views. Which reminds me, what is KJV1611? It looks like a license plate number.

As I mentioned above, I'm in the process of trying to find a new church. I was a member of a Baptist congregation a few years back, but I must admit that I strayed a bit. I was asked to leave after some rather sordid accusations.

I have three children, all of whom lives with their mothers. I'm not sure if they qualify as soldiers for christ. What exactly does that mean? I think one of them attends a Universalist church with my former wife Pearl.

I'm looking forward to any guidance you good people here can give me.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Hello from California!

Perhaps the good Pastors can recommend a church, but it's really quite a problem, because living in California is much like living in the Biblical city of Sodom--you aren't likely to find even 10 righteous men there. It would be far better for you to leave that Godless state. However, if you choose to stay, then, when you're looking at a church (Baptist, of course), call the pastor and ask the following five questions. If the answer to any of these is anything other than an unqualified "yes," then move on, because that church rejects the Word of God:

1) Should those who do not seek the Lord be put to death?

And they entered into a covenant to seek the LORD God of their fathers with all their heart and with all their soul; That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. 2 Chronicles 15:12-13

2) Should we refuse to bury dead relatives who were nonbelievers?

And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead. Matthew 8:21-22

3) Was Jesus diabetic?

And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. Ephesians 5:2

4) Should homosexuals be put to death?

And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.... knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. Ephesians 5:27, 32

5) Should you abandon your family if they do not accept Christ?

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26

I hope these guidelines help.

Thanks for your response. But do you think that I really need to find a church that is that extreme? I've recently been "Born Again" as they say, and I just want to find somewhere close to home where I can be among other Christians.

I don't even know what the third question means. Did they have the diabetes in Jesus's time? He was the son of God, how could he be diabetic?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello from California!

I have looked at some of the postings on this forum. It is a very interesting place. Some of the people here have rather strong views. Which reminds me, what is KJV1611? It looks like a license plate number.

It is none other than the one true Bible, the Holy King James Version, given to us directly by God Almighty in the year 1611. You can read all about this fascinating story HERE.

As I mentioned above, I'm in the process of trying to find a new church. I was a member of a Baptist congregation a few years back, but I must admit that I strayed a bit. I was asked to leave after some rather sordid accusations.

We're here whenever you feel ready to talk about it. Sometimes it's best to clear the air just to avoid any future misunderstandings. Don't leave out any details.

I have three children, all of whom lives with their mothers. I'm not sure if they qualify as soldiers for christ. What exactly does that mean? I think one of them attends a Universalist church with my former wife Pearl.

I'm looking forward to any guidance you good people here can give me.

Well first off I can tell you that your children are hellbound as we speak. Those Universalists aren't even false Christians, they're a den of communists and sex perverts! Jesus expects your children to worship Him and enlist in the Godly U.S. Marines and fight the War on Terror, sending islamofascists to hell. That Universalist nonsense will do nothing but give your boy a limp wrist.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Hello from California!

It is none other than the one true Bible, the Holy King James Version, given to us directly by God Almighty in the year 1611. You can read all about this fascinating story HERE.

Thank you for the link, I need all the help I can get. It's been rough couple of years. Somtimes I just get so down. I hope the good people here can give me the support I need.

We're here whenever you feel ready to talk about it. Sometimes it's best to clear the air just to avoid any future misunderstandings. Don't leave out any details.

I was going through my third divorce and I was lonely and confused. There was a very nice couple who invited me into their home to minister to me personally. At the time I had a rather heavy dependence on prescription pain killers, alcohol, cocaine, and nitrous oxide. Suffice to say that I misinterperited some signals and sexually assualted both of them. They were understanding enough and did not involve the authorities. But as you may have guessed, my transgression ended my affiliation with that particular church.

Well first off I can tell you that your children are hellbound as we speak. Those Universalists aren't even false Christians, they're a den of communists and sex perverts! Jesus expects your children to worship Him and enlist in the Godly U.S. Marines and fight the War on Terror, sending islamofascists to hell. That Universalist nonsense will do nothing but give your boy a limp wrist.

Are the Universalists really that bad? Only one of my kids goes to that church, the other two live part time in a group home in the Seattle area and part time on a group farm that grows hemp, millet, and castor beans. But I imagine they are just as hellbound, as "The Group" as they are called follow as charasmatic fellow named B'ail Ren Falusi.

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Hello from California!

Thanks for your response. But do you think that I really need to find a church that is that extreme?

Everything we say is firmly rooted in the Bible. If you think we got something wrong, please post the chapter and verse and we will revise our thinking accordingly.

And yes. Either you believe in the Bible or you don't. We do.

I've recently been "Born Again" as they say, and I just want to find somewhere close to home where I can be among other Christians.

Glory! Another soul saved for the Lord.

I don't even know what the third question means. Did they have the diabetes in Jesus's time?

Yes, Praise God, there was diabetes then. All deadly diseases were inflicted upon man as punishment for sin:

Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned... Romans 5:12

Exept sometimes God inflicts suffering on us because he loves us:

...whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. Hebrews 12:6

Since you seem to have done a fair bit of sinning in your time, and now have found the Lord, you are doubly at risk, so you might want to have your blood sugar checked. But, trust me, it's all worth it to feel the love of Jesus.

He was the son of God, how could he be diabetic?

He was the Son of God, how could He die by crucifixion? The whole point of Jesus coming to Earth as a man was to suffer for our sins. But I don't really know why the Father made Jesus a diabetic, I just know that Jesus's blood would not have smelled sweet otherwise.

I have looked at some of the postings on this forum. It is a very interesting place. Some of the people here have rather strong views.

Thank you, but we really can't take credit for that. God did the heavy lifting, we just read his book.

what is KJV1611? It looks like a license plate number.

Indeed, it is. Here's a photo of an old plate from Pastor Deacon Fred's Bugatti (which he auctioned off for charity, God bless his soul, on C-Bay--the license plate, I mean, not the Bugatti). It is also a reference to the 1611 version of the King James Bible, God's Favorite Biblical Translation®. You can find a copy online here.

As I mentioned above, I'm in the process of trying to find a new church. I was a member of a Baptist congregation a few years back, but I must admit that I strayed a bit. I was asked to leave after some rather sordid accusations.

There is a lot of bigotry against True Christians™ by those who say they're Christian, but don't live according to God's Word. Lot's of those so-called Christians need to relearn Jesus's lesson:

Judge not, that ye be not judged. Matthew 7:1

We understand that here at Landover Baptist. Stick by the Lord, and we will stick by you.

I have three children, all of whom lives with their mothers. I'm not sure if they qualify as soldiers for christ. What exactly does that mean? I think one of them attends a Universalist church with my former wife Pearl.

If you don't pull your child out of there, then you'll be creating a soldier for Satan. You do know they teach their kids about homosexuality when they're still in kindergarten, don't you?

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Hello from California!

Mr. Smith,

This is all a bit overwhelming for me. And I still need a church to attend. Maybe I can start making calls tommorrow and ask them your questions.

Do I really have to ask the ones about killing people or not burying relatives? I mean, "Hello, I'm thinking of joining your church. Do you think gay people should be killed?" Even if the particular Pastor believes that, he won't say so over the phone. How is he supposed to know if I'm some under cover fag cop? Or "Yes, your congregation seems nice. Do you believe the bodies of heathens should lie to rot in the streets?" Who would answer these questions truthfully to some stranger over the phone?

I may have to go meet with various Pastors in person and ask them face to face, on the "down low" as the kids like to say. But that will take time, and I'm feeling so worthless right now. I don't know, I'll try I guess.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Hello from California!

Who would answer these questions truthfully to some stranger over the phone?

Welcome Friend. Any Pastor worth his salt will answer you: "Yes! But, of course, we have to obey secular law. For now." Then he would wink, but you can't see that over the phone.

If they start pussyfooting around, you'll know they are not True Christian™ Pastors.

Good luck with your search, and keep us up to date. But never forget, as you have been Washed by the Blood of Christ, that you'll always be welcome to join our congregation and one of our Outreach programs.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Hello from California!

Welcome Friend. Any Pastor worth his salt will answer you: "Yes! But, of course, we have to obey secular law. For now." Then he would wink, but you can't see that over the phone.

If they start pussyfooting around, you'll know they are not True Christian™ Pastors.

Good luck with your search, and keep us up to date. But never forget, as you have been Washed by the Blood of Christ, that you'll always be welcome to join our congregation and one of our Outreach programs.

This has been quite a day! I have a lot to think about:

My children being damned for all eternity if I don't bring them to the Lord, a Diabetic Jesus, and then there is the whole matter with my mother which I haven't mentioned.

My father died years ago of an amyl nitrite overdose. And my mother is now on her deathbed. She was, for lack of a more polite term, a Hippy. She is definitely not a Christian. When she dies, I'm certainly going to have my hands full convincing my sisters and brother to leave her where she lies instead of burying her.

I'd like to thank all of you who have responded and those of you who have simply read my posts. I shall post more soon. May God bless you all.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Hello from California!

Sweet Jesus I laugh and laugh at the trials and tribulations of the unsaved! Laugh laugh laugh....

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Hello from California!

Sweet Jesus I laugh and laugh at the trials and tribulations of the unsaved! Laugh laugh laugh....

Sir,
I'm glad I could bring you joy with my suffering. But why must you mock me so? You typed the word "laugh" not once, but FIVE times! If you had any idea of the depth of my pain and misery, you would only have typed it ONCE or at the most TWICE I can assure you!

The Lord knows my sorrow, but He unfortuneatly knows of my transgression-filled past as well. So He sees fit to send those like you to jeer and chortle gleefully and my patheticness. But I will attempt to stand strong and bear the slinging arrows of your contempt.

For I am here to be Saved, not coddled. To seek the Lord, not understanding. To nourish my soul with divine knowledge, not stuff my face with the empty calories of earthly comfort! In a way, I'm glad you laughed. Because as it says in The Bible:

Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; and as thy days, so shall thy strength be. Deuteronomy 33:25

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello from California!

Sir,
I'm glad I could bring you joy with my suffering. But why must you mock me so? You typed the word "laugh" not once, but FIVE times! If you had any idea of the depth of my pain and misery, you would only have typed it ONCE or at the most TWICE I can assure you!

The Lord knows my sorrow, but He unfortuneatly knows of my transgression-filled past as well. So He sees fit to send those like you to jeer and chortle gleefully and my patheticness. But I will attempt to stand strong and bear the slinging arrows of your contempt.

For I am here to be Saved, not coddled. To seek the Lord, not understanding. To nourish my soul with divine knowledge, not stuff my face with the empty calories of earthly comfort! In a way, I'm glad you laughed. Because as it says in The Bible:

Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; and as thy days, so shall thy strength be. Deuteronomy 33:25

It also says:

Proverbs 26 I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh;

27 When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you.

28 Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me:

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Hello from California!

Those here who laugh at me as God does, they only add to my shoes of iron and brass. And I gladly where my metal shoes that get heavier with each step, as The Lord is blessing me with ever enlargening metal and brass Godshoes! Glory be His name!