My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

[Dead Dog]

Hi. My name is apparently dead dog. Call me what you will though, somebody else obviously did. I am eighteen years old and an unsaved sinner. Apparently this Church/forum-thing will 'save' me but so far I have just been told how I am going to Hell. I don't know what else to say about myself, so if you have any more questions, feel free to ask them.

[SUV]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

I double-Dead-DoG-dare you to ACCEPT JESUS!!!

[Dead Dog]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

Kiddo, I might if I could. Alas, just saying it won't help me I am afraid.

[Sister Sarah]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

Kiddo, I might if I could. Alas, just saying it won't help me I am afraid.

Yes! Accepting Jesus as your personal lord and savior will help you!

It will help keep you out of the lake of fire! You don't want to go there, do you?

Now, Jesus won't save you if you're some kind of tard or homer, but you aren't one of those, are you? If you are, I'll have to ask you to leave.

[Dead Dog]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

I'm not, and yes, I'm sure it would help me. Unfortunately I find it very hard to overcome my sceptism.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

Apparently this Church/forum-thing will 'save' me but so far I have just been told how I am going to Hell. I don't know what else to say about myself, so if you have any more questions, feel free to ask them.

A forum can't save you, Dead Dog. Only Jesus can, and He can only do it if you ASK (OK, beg) Him to!

First, you must adopt a proper Christian attitude. Something like this:

Dear Lord, I realize that I am a worthless sinner. I understand that I am nothing but filth in Your Holy Eyes because I am not Perfect like You. I have squandered the life You gave me in sins such as doing things for my own pleasure, lusting after members of the opposite sex, wearing blended fabrics, and telling my Mom that her new dress didn't make her behind look fat (which, to be honest . . . horizonal stripes? Come on!).

Then, tell Jesus what you want:

I realize that You made us to serve You, not to serve ourselves. I want only to praise and service You for all eternity, both on Earth and later in Heaven. I want to give up all of my Earthly desires, that I may be Your unquestioning servant, living my days in complete obedience to Your Will.

Finally, pop the question:

Jesus, I beg You to enter me now, and fill me with Your white-hot penetrating Love, which will remove all sin from my heart and make me pure, so I may be worthy to finally kiss Your Holy Feet in Heaven. Have mercy on this vile monstrosity You see before You, please!

Amen.

You do not need to use these exact words, but I find this to be a good starting point when helping people to understand their true place as the lowest of servants in God's universe. Jesus really needs to hear that you grasp your utter worthlessness, and that you, like all other Unsaved Trash, are mere garbage He will cast into His Incinerator without a thought unless you become a perfected True Christian(tm).

[Dead Dog]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

I thank you very much for the template. Alas, my problem is not yet accepting Jesus as my Lord, but accepting his existence it pains me to say.

[Roberta]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

Do you masturbate? Do you have pimples? Have you ever been butt shagged? What do you think about tattoos?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

I thank you very much for the template. Alas, my problem is not yet accepting Jesus as my Lord, but accepting his existence it pains me to say.

Are you of the opinion that the universe just magically appeared out of nothing in a vast explosion, then "evolved" into the perfect conditions for life?

[Dead Dog]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

Do you masturbate? Do you have pimples? Have you ever been butt shagged? What do you think about tattoos?

No; I do have some spots yes but I'm 18 so...; no; and I think they mostly look ugly. Every so often someone has a simple tattoo that does not disgust me, but not very much really.

[Dead Dog]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

Are you of the opinion that the universe just magically appeared out of nothing in a vast explosion, then "evolved" into the perfect conditions for life?

I find it hard to form an opinion on the creation of the world.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

I find it hard to form an opinion on the creation of the world.

Well, there's one more reason to follow Jesus! The Bible TELLS us everything we need to know about the creation of the world!! There is NO need for all this "scientifical research". Just hand your favorite scientician a copy of the Bible and tell him to find a new job!

Start with Genesis 1. You can find it online for free (King James Version, of course) at www.biblegateway.com.

[Dead Dog]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

Well, there's one more reason to follow Jesus! The Bible TELLS us everything we need to know about the creation of the world!! There is NO need for all this "scientifical research". Just hand your favorite scientician a copy of the Bible and tell him to find a new job!

Start with Genesis 1. You can find it online for free (King James Version, of course) at www.biblegateway.com.

Thank you. But I have read much of the Bible, and been told much of it before and it has not changed my opinion.

[SUV]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

Okay, then: Which do you think are funnier - Dead wolves or Dead DoGs?

I'm Certain a lot of people are eagerly anticipating your Answer®

[Dead Dog]

Re: My own introductory thread that I was 'dared' to start

Okay, then: Which do you think are funnier - Dead wolves or Dead DoGs?

I'm Certain a lot of people are eagerly anticipating your Answer®

What an odd question. But shall humour you. I think dead dogs are funnier, if either is funny at all.

P.s, as I am SURE you are aware, having read the whole of this thread, I don't actually have anything to do with dead canines, that not being my name.