[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My Introduction

Of course. That explains why our King James Bible tells us that the disciples were plucking ears of corn on the Sabbath. Historians must be lying when they say that corn is an Injun crop.

Injuns are too lazy and stupid to plant crops. That's why they roamed around eating bugs and roots and shooting the occasional buffalo, and never settled down to build cities. That's why Jesus chose Israel instead of Delaware or Oklahoma or Peru.

[MuffinMan]

Re: My Introduction

Cornbread.

Of course. That explains why our King James Bible tells us that the disciples were plucking ears of corn on the Sabbath. Historians must be lying when they say that corn is an Injun crop.


Now I'm wondering: Where should I look for Jesus? How will I know when I have found him? How did you come to find him?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: My Introduction

Good point. So now I'm wondering: What bread did Jesus use at the Last Supper, according to the Landover Baptist Church?

Cornbread.

[MuffinMan]

Re: My Introduction

You need to bear in mind that English muffins (which are neither English nor what the English call muffins, fact fans!) had not been invented at the time.

Good point. So now I'm wondering: What bread did Jesus use at the Last Supper, according to the Landover Baptist Church?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: My Introduction

Yeah, but at the Last Supper, didn't Jesus say "this do in remembrance of me"? How does the Landover Baptist Church interpret that? I always thought it meant something like "Keep toasting your English muffins, and I will imprint my face on them, and that is how you will find me."

You need to bear in mind that English muffins (which are neither English nor what the English call muffins, fact fans!) had not been invented at the time.

[MuffinMan]

Re: My Introduction

Hey Muff, are you familiar with the concept of a "parable?" Jesus really liked them.

Yeah, but at the Last Supper, didn't Jesus say "this do in remembrance of me"? How does the Landover Baptist Church interpret that? I always thought it meant something like "Keep toasting your English muffins, and I will imprint my face on them, and that is how you will find me."


But now that I think about it, these words are not found in my King James Bible, so that can't be what it means. How does the Landover Baptist Church interpret the commandment of Jesus, "this do in remembrance of me"?

[Basilissa]

Re: My Introduction

All right - you win. I have not found Jesus yet. I need to keep looking. But where exactly should I look? If toast is not the right place, then why did Jesus say "I am the bread of life"? Also, why did he use bread to symbolize his body at the Last Supper?

Hey Muff, are you familiar with the concept of a "parable?" Jesus really liked them.

[MuffinMan]

Re: My Introduction

So can Michael Jackson.



It doesn't prove anything. You could've been using this for all we know:


I'm glad you see the distinction, but you're on a slippery slope that goes directly into HELL!!! Just drop the subject please. Any further mention of the Lord Jesus Christ appearing on toast by you will be taken as an implicit affirmation of Papist beliefs on your part.



Good self-awareness, but definitely a premature use of the past tense.



You need to respect the Bible, son. Next time use a belt, a riding crop, a car antenna, or something along those lines. Not the Good Book.


Pics or it didn't happen (Exodus 23:1). We need to see this alleged toast to ascertain the facts in this case. As it is, I can see three possibilities:

1. The toast looks like Jesus. Therefore, you married a Godless harlot liberal (possibly even a high yellow negress) who supports black nationalism and endorses the false belief that our lord Jesus was a blubber-lipped coon by lying about the toast. If this is the case, you must do your utmost (including physical correction) to convert her to the straight and narrow path (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). If she divorces you, this is also acceptable (1 Corinthians 7:15). Continuing marriage to her as a heathen is NOT acceptable (2 Corinthians 6:14). Hit her until she makes a choice.
2. The toast looks like Obama (or any spook, they really all do look alike). Therefore, your behavior was unacceptable and wrathful, as I enumerated in a previous post. In this case, your wife correctly said the toast looks like Bongo, whereupon you attacked her for blasphemy where no blasphemy occurred (because Jesus was not mentioned by her), and you are the party in the wrong.
3. The toast looks like toast. You're both idiots.

Whether or not your wife indeed equated The Lord Thy God Jesus Christ Almighty with a jig, for someone to do so is indeed a grave sin. The Bible tells us that Jesus is Aryan in appearance (Revelation 1:14). Thus there is conclusive proof that Jesus is white, and yet no indication whatsoever that he is negro. There is nary a mention of Jesus smoking weed, breakdancing, eating watermelon, rapping, drinking Hennessy, or performing drive-by shootings. God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7)!

All right - you win. I have not found Jesus yet. I need to keep looking. But where exactly should I look? If toast is not the right place, then why did Jesus say "I am the bread of life"? Also, why did he use bread to symbolize his body at the Last Supper?


Where, might I ask, were you looking when you found Jesus?

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My Introduction

As if! Sorry to go off-topic here, but while we're on the subject of toast, Brother, could I ask a favor? When you next have occasion to speak to Doris, could you remind her that she promised to send me her recipe for Not-French Toast? Many thanks.

YiC
Joanna

You mean the Freedom Toast? I'll be sure and remind her.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My Introduction

1. No. All I am saying is that the face of Jesus can be found in toast.

So can Michael Jackson.



It doesn't prove anything. You could've been using this for all we know:

Not that Jesus himself is incarnate in bread.

I'm glad you see the distinction, but you're on a slippery slope that goes directly into HELL!!! Just drop the subject please. Any further mention of the Lord Jesus Christ appearing on toast by you will be taken as an implicit affirmation of Papist beliefs on your part.

I used to be an ignorant heathen

Good self-awareness, but definitely a premature use of the past tense.

My wife also was an ignorant heathen up until I beat her over the head with my King James Bible.

You need to respect the Bible, son. Next time use a belt, a riding crop, a car antenna, or something along those lines. Not the Good Book.

My wife dared to allege that my toast, which had the face of Jesus Christ on it, looked like the face of that colored Obumma.

Pics or it didn't happen (Exodus 23:1). We need to see this alleged toast to ascertain the facts in this case. As it is, I can see three possibilities:

1. The toast looks like Jesus. Therefore, you married a Godless harlot liberal (possibly even a high yellow negress) who supports black nationalism and endorses the false belief that our lord Jesus was a blubber-lipped coon by lying about the toast. If this is the case, you must do your utmost (including physical correction) to convert her to the straight and narrow path (1 Corinthians 7:12-14). If she divorces you, this is also acceptable (1 Corinthians 7:15). Continuing marriage to her as a heathen is NOT acceptable (2 Corinthians 6:14). Hit her until she makes a choice.
2. The toast looks like Obama (or any spook, they really all do look alike). Therefore, your behavior was unacceptable and wrathful, as I enumerated in a previous post. In this case, your wife correctly said the toast looks like Bongo, whereupon you attacked her for blasphemy where no blasphemy occurred (because Jesus was not mentioned by her), and you are the party in the wrong.
3. The toast looks like toast. You're both idiots.

This is, in essence, equating Jesus Christ with that colored Obumma. How can this be anything but saying that Jesus is black, aka blasphemy?

Whether or not your wife indeed equated The Lord Thy God Jesus Christ Almighty with a jig, for someone to do so is indeed a grave sin. The Bible tells us that Jesus is Aryan in appearance (Revelation 1:14). Thus there is conclusive proof that Jesus is white, and yet no indication whatsoever that he is negro. There is nary a mention of Jesus smoking weed, breakdancing, eating watermelon, rapping, drinking Hennessy, or performing drive-by shootings. God is not mocked (Galatians 6:7)!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: My Introduction

Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers?

As if! Sorry to go off-topic here, but while we're on the subject of toast, Brother, could I ask a favor? When you next have occasion to speak to Doris, could you remind her that she promised to send me her recipe for Not-French Toast? Many thanks.

YiC
Joanna

[MuffinMan]

Re: My Introduction

Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers? Are you sure you're not a Papist, boy?

Good to hear. If this changes, seek spiritual assistance immediately. Demonic possession, what the secularists call "schizophrenia," is a very dangerous condition.



While the Bible does indeed tell men to beat their wives as a means of correction and to keep them in line (Ephesians 5:22), you should also bear in mind Colossians 3:19. We follow the WHOLE Bible (James 2:10). God is NOT okay with beating your wife just because you feel like it. Because women are inferior to men, they often need correction (1 Peter 3:7), but what you describe is cruelty (Psalm 37:8, James 1:20). She did not say that Jesus is black (which would indeed be blasphemy, Galatians 6:7, Revelation 1:14), merely that your toast burn looked like that coon Obama.


I love my wife Doris and hate seeing her in pain. I feel bad every time I have to strike her, and I'd never do it if I didn't have to, but Jesus commands it.

1. No. All I am saying is that the face of Jesus can be found in toast. Not that Jesus himself is incarnate in bread. I used to be an ignorant heathen up until that morning after my marriage when I saw the face of Jesus in my toasted English muffin. My wife also was an ignorant heathen up until I beat her over the head with my King James Bible.


2. My wife dared to allege that my toast, which had the face of Jesus Christ on it, looked like the face of that colored Obumma. This is, in essence, equating Jesus Christ with that colored Obumma. How can this be anything but saying that Jesus is black, aka blasphemy?

[Social Construct]

Re: My Introduction

Are you aware that the word muffin is the damage-dealing component of the word "muffintop" a weapon used by fat-shamers to assault women?

No, obviously your privilege blinds you. Repent!

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: My Introduction

Our Lord Jesus Christ says "I am the bread of life"

Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers? Are you sure you're not a Papist, boy?

No, my toast does not speak to me, nor does it tell me to do things.

Good to hear. If this changes, seek spiritual assistance immediately. Demonic possession, what the secularists call "schizophrenia," is a very dangerous condition.

The morning after we got married, I ordered her to toast me an English muffin, and as she was serving me, she said "Look, your toast has Obama's face on it." I immediately grabbed my King James Bible and beat her over the head with it and shouted "Jesus not black!"

While the Bible does indeed tell men to beat their wives as a means of correction and to keep them in line (Ephesians 5:22), you should also bear in mind Colossians 3:19. We follow the WHOLE Bible (James 2:10). God is NOT okay with beating your wife just because you feel like it. Because women are inferior to men, they often need correction (1 Peter 3:7), but what you describe is cruelty (Psalm 37:8, James 1:20). She did not say that Jesus is black (which would indeed be blasphemy, Galatians 6:7, Revelation 1:14), merely that your toast burn looked like that coon Obama.


I love my wife Doris and hate seeing her in pain. I feel bad every time I have to strike her, and I'd never do it if I didn't have to, but Jesus commands it.

[MuffinMan]

Re: My Introduction

Our Lord Jesus Christ says "I am the bread of life"

Although this this is not a reference to his Awesome and Glorious Second Coming, it is a promise that his face will appear in your toast.


No, my toast does not speak to me, nor does it tell me to do things.


I don't bake any of the tasty goods I enjoy eating. My wife does. The morning after we got married, I ordered her to toast me an English muffin, and as she was serving me, she said "Look, your toast has Obama's face on it." I immediately grabbed my King James Bible and beat her over the head with it and shouted "Jesus not black!"