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  • WWJDnow
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Aug 2009
    • 6314
    #1

    Emolition Derby (Round 4,726)

    Well, emochildofgod, you've finally done it. Your repeating the same tired arguments over and over and over again, your whining and cajoling and criticizing, and the My Chemical Romance songs you've made us listen too have finally worked. We're going to abandon our belief in the Holy Bible and our Salvation and eternal bliss in the new Earth that Jesus will lead. Instead, we're going to start combing our hair over our eyes and cutting ourselves and brooding until we all commit mass suicide. You won!

    Or not.
    The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!
    Tags: emo advice, emorama 2020, emosexuals
    • James Hutchins
      True Christian™
      Just a Regular Nice Guy
       
      • Jun 2009
      • 29453
      #2
      Re: Emolition Derby (Round 4,726)

      Seriously, if these 'people' would just snap out of it and get right with Jesus, all their insignificant problems would vanish.
      Here are the steps:
      1. Remove the hair dye.
      2. Wipe off the black makeup, look feminine.
      3. Get rid of the piercings. All the holes you were born with are more than adequate for what your purpose in life is.
      4. Make sure men know you are available. A full bust and wide hips are good breeding signals.
      5. Dress sensibly. Do not be afraid to show an ankle to a lucky fellow.
      6. Learn to cook. Let men sample your pie.
      7. Clean everything.
      8. Listen, you have cackled long enough.
      9. Be submissive, it is what you really want.
      10. Thank God for not tossing you in to Hell.

      Consider this:
      You're walking down the street, looking like a five dollar whore. A Uber comes along and runs over your gut, causing your body to burst and spray entrails all over the street. The Uber gets a flat from one of your piercings and the passenger is late for Church. Pretty selfish of you, no real surprise there.
      You're dead
      Whether due to your own disgusting sinning or the Lords divine will, you are dead. Instantly your soul begins falling towards the black abyss above Hell. The falling seems eternal as you gather speed and the heat begins to grow. Then you notice a red dot below you growing larger by the second, this is the Lake in the center of Hell. It is the brightest point in Hell therefore it is visible for a great distance. Keep in mind that the farther you fall, the further from Christ you are.
      As you gain speed and the flames become apparent you may wonder how you can stop this from happening. The answer is simple. It's too late and you can't, you're doomed. Your soul is damned and it WILL happen. The temperature is now approaching the unbearable limit as your flesh begins to smoulder and ignite and you continue to build speed as you plummet toward the now visible boiling Lake of Fire. You can almost make out individual souls thrashing in the magma with your flaming eyesockets. Soon you will join them, your terror mounts as your screams become gargled with the stench of Hells evil smell. The heat becomes excruciating as you notice your skin peeling away and your bones becoming visible and black. Flaming and screaming in anguish, you splashdown into the acidic brimstone of Satans Lake at around 250 MPH. You are instantly vaporized and reformed as a tormented soul writhing in absolute terror in the deafening depths of the Lake that Burns Eternal. The pain is beyond comprehension as you gnash your teeth so hard they shatter in your mouth. Satan periodically plucks you from the flames to savagely rape repeatedly and casually tosses you to his infernal minions to rip apart and rape at will, only to be reformed and have this scenario repeated...over and over and over, forever.
      Is it still funny mocking our mission to Save© your soul? We want you to enjoy Heaven and eternal praise and worship at the feet of our Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ.

      Unless you are Saved™ by Jesus Christ and His Holy website and favorite church, Landover Baptist, there is no other way to avoid this.
      Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
      Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
      Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
      Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
      Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
      Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

        Comment

        • MitzaLizalor
          Completely CRAZY for the Lord
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2010
          • 14499
          #3
          Re: Emolition Derby (Round 4,726)

          Hi there Kaylee

          Well, this is a better introduction than your only other thread in this forum partly because it doesn't start off “I WAS LYING. THESE .. etc.”

          And despite my trying to accommodate your choice of subject matter with a couple of examples [4] as yet there's be no reply. Welcome to the forum where I trust you'll learn more about Jesus. For now we're well enough informed about vibrating trees.

          Just a quick reminder, there's still a Scripture knowledge prize waiting to be claimed in the palette competition, linked in your other (intro.) thread.

          Mitza.

          PS: I am not an emo.

            Comment

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