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  • #1

    Hi, I'm Amelia [Young but wise as a serpent]

    Hey, I'm Amelia. I'm from Australia and I'm 21. I attend Influencers Church and my favourite verse is the all time famous John 3:16! Looking forward to meeting you all, so please don't be shy, and say hi
    Tags: australia, australia: barren wasteland, barren women, slang
  • #2
    Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

    Welcome Amelia--We here at Landover Baptist are always happy to meet new Christians. Would you call your church "Bible based?"
    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

      Hello Amelia, welcome! How many children do you have?
      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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      • #4
        Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

        Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
        Welcome Amelia--We here at Landover Baptist are always happy to meet new Christians. Would you call your church "Bible based?"
        Hello to you too I do have my doubts about it nowadays so my attendance there is starting to dwindle. I mostly go there to socialise and help with the cleaning and get my teachings from YouTube. There's some pretty good stuff there.


        Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
        Hello Amelia, welcome! How many children do you have?

        Thank you I don't have any kids at present but I hope that'll change in the near future.

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        • #5
          Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

          Originally posted by Amelia30 View Post
          Thank you I don't have any kids at present but I hope that'll change in the near future.
          Oh dear, that's a shame. My daughters are all married by 13 or 14, thank Jesus. Mr. Etheldreda would die of shame if he had a spinster daughter at your age still at home. Are you particularly ugly, dear? Or fat? Maybe we can help.
          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

            Hi, Amelia, and welcome to God's favorite church™, Landover Baptist.

            I'm glad to hear that you love the Lord, but I'd be careful with this "influencer" church. "Influencer" usually means "infidel." Getting your Bible messages online could lead to such heresies as supporting abortion "rights" or gun control or free healthcare for poor people, and that would make Jesus sad.

            Stick with us and you'll learn what the Bible is really all about!
            The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

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            • #7
              Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

              Originally posted by Amelia30 View Post
              Hey, I'm Amelia. I'm from Australia and I'm 21. I attend Influencers Church and my favourite verse is the all time famous John 3:16! Looking forward to meeting you all, so please don't be shy, and say hi
              John's Gospel is a lovely testimony helping us to understand that Jesus made the world John 1:3 just as much as the historical fact of His begetting.
              John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

              With that love comes a little sadness, not for Christians obviously, but for the second class implied there: those who do not believe. John also wrote three wonderful letters III John 1:11 and a future history containing many accurate details about the present day. For him this is the future. Other things in our past were also future events for him and some (less every day) remain future events for both of us.

              Which campus are you associated with? Welcome to the forum.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

                It would be accurate to call Jesus Christ the most successful influencer in the history of creation. However, most people now calling themselves "influencers" are the worst kinds of degenerate sinners, painted whores and effete queers and uppity negroes. No Christian should have anything to do with such worthless filth.
                I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

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                • #9
                  Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

                  Futures Church Australia
                  https://australia.influencers.church/
                  The heart of Futures Church is to see people encounter the love of Jesus Christ and find their home in a life-giving church.


                  Looks more like a sunset strip rock club than an actual church. There's even a guy making the "Devil horns" gesture! Does your choir have spitting contests with the audience?
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                  • #10
                    Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

                    Originally posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
                    https://australia.influencers.church/

                    Looks more like a sunset strip rock club than an actual church. There's even a guy making the "Devil horns" gesture! Does your choir have spitting contests with the audience?
                    Repulsive. This page is pretty slick though. Landover could use something like this.
                    I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                    Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                    But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                    From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

                      Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                      Oh dear, that's a shame. My daughters are all married by 13 or 14, thank Jesus. Mr. Etheldreda would die of shame if he had a spinster daughter at your age still at home. Are you particularly ugly, dear? Or fat? Maybe we can help.
                      No, it's not that. At least I don't think it is. I suppose it's more that I'm not really looking for anyone at the moment.

                      Originally posted by WWJDnow View Post
                      Hi, Amelia, and welcome to God's favorite church™, Landover Baptist.

                      I'm glad to hear that you love the Lord, but I'd be careful with this "influencer" church. "Influencer" usually means "infidel." Getting your Bible messages online could lead to such heresies as supporting abortion "rights" or gun control or free healthcare for poor people, and that would make Jesus sad.

                      Stick with us and you'll learn what the Bible is really all about!
                      Thank you for the welcome. I'm pretty cautious with which teachings I listen to these days. I prefer people who explain the scriptures rather than try to make an inspirational tape out of them.
                      Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
                      John's Gospel is a lovely testimony helping us to understand that Jesus made the world John 1:3 just as much as the historical fact of His begetting.
                      John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
                      Which campus are you associated with? Welcome to the forum.
                      Aww, adorable Koala! John's Gospel is pretty cool.
                      If you're referring to the Influencers Church campus I usually visit the Paradise one but it varies.

                      Originally posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
                      It would be accurate to call Jesus Christ the most successful influencer in the history of creation.
                      Well, he is God after all

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

                        Originally posted by Amelia30 View Post
                        Thank you for the welcome. I'm pretty cautious with which teachings I listen to these days. I prefer people who explain the scriptures rather than try to make an inspirational tape out of them.
                        This is a good instinct. Nobody explains scripture better than the pastors here at Landover. You should definitely listen to them.

                        Originally posted by Amelia30 View Post
                        Aww, adorable Koala!
                        Actually I've heard they're nasty, stupid varmints. You'd think an Australian would know that.


                        Originally posted by Amelia30 View Post
                        If you're referring to the Influencers Church campus I usually visit the Paradise one but it varies.
                        Have you considered attending a church that looks like a church instead of an EDM concert?
                        I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                        Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                        But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                        From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

                          Originally posted by Dennis Lukes View Post
                          Actually I've heard they're nasty, stupid varmints. You'd think an Australian would know that.

                          Have you considered attending a church that looks like a church instead of an EDM concert?
                          Yup, they are super nasty creatures with nasty claws that'll rip your face off
                          Nah, I've never actually seen one up close so I don't know exactly how bad they are.


                          I think there's one near here I checked out a while back. Might give it another check.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

                            Originally posted by Amelia30 View Post
                            I think there's one near here I checked out a while back. Might give it another check.
                            The first thing you'll want to do when considering a new church (this is information for your husband, obviously he's the one who'll be making decisions not you) is check which version of the Bible they're using. If it's the 1611 King James Version, that's a good sign. If it's any other version, leave immediately and never go back - they're not Christians.
                            I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                            Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                            But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                            From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

                              Originally posted by Amelia30 View Post
                              Hey, I'm Amelia. I'm from Australia...
                              Hello Sheila, how's the billy boiling? Been grabbing any jumbucks lately?

                              Praise Jesus for guiding you towards possible albeit unlikely (Matthew 7:14) Salvation®. How badly traumatized are you after seeing all that ovine bestiality and hearing all the yodeling in your mountainous homeland? I must say that considering the German roots of your people - and that Mr. Hitler was born there - your American is quite good. We can help you improve on that and many of us can some Austrian expressions! I have here your favorite verse in your native tongue for you to see one more time before discarding that Babel-derived guttural nonsense for pure American!

                              John 3:16
                              God i gat wanpela Pikinini tasol i stap. Tasol God i laikim tumas olgeta manmeri bilong graun, olsem na em i givim dispela wanpela Pikinini long ol. Em i mekim olsem bilong olgeta manmeri i bilip long em ol i no ken lus. Nogat. Bai ol i kisim laip i stap gut oltaim oltaim.

                              I just love the way Jesus channeled by John builds up Great Expectations in John 3:16 and then only two verses on reveals the conditions of His Love!

                              John 3:18
                              He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

                              Please start begetting soon or you'll be condemned!

                              1 Timothy 2:15
                              Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.


                              Yours in Christ,

                              Elmer
                              2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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