New to The Church

[BalthazarSpartacus]

Thank the DEAR LORD that I have found this WONDERFUL church. I am BalthazarSpartacus (not my real name), and I have been seeking a TRUE church for what seems like an ETERNITY.

Since I am new here, I will read everything I can find here to help me in my quest for sanctimony. I have no doubt that my quest will find its end among this congregation.

Bless you...one and all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: New to The Church

Thank the DEAR LORD that I have found this WONDERFUL church. I am BalthazarSpartacus (not my real name), and I have been seeking a TRUE church for what seems like an ETERNITY.

Since I am new here, I will read everything I can find here to help me in my quest for sanctimony. I have no doubt that my quest will find its end among this congregation.

Bless you...one and all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to God's favorite forum. Please take a look around and feel free to ask questions.

Tell us about yourself. What church do you attend? What is you wife's best pie? How old are you? How did you find Jesus?

We're always glad to welcome one who seeks Salvation through the Blood of Christ.

[BalthazarSpartacus]

Re: New to The Church

Already I have erred and committed a most grevious transgression. I have not included a Biblical verse in my very first post. Therefore, I have scourged myself and created a signature containing my most favorite Old Testament verses. I pray that I may be forgiven, and trust in the inner grace of all here.

[BalthazarSpartacus]

Re: New to The Church

Oh, thank you for your most gracious and kindly welcome. I will try to answer your questions, as best I can:

At present, I attend no church, but I have attended hundreds in the past, and have found them all wanting. None teach the true message, and all are fully of whited sepulchres.

My wife's best pie is one she has with her always.

I am older than I was recently.

I found Jesus, after many years of searching, under a mushroom that glowed in the dark. Taking that as a holy sign, I ate the mushroom and have been seeing the light ever since.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: New to The Church

Oh, thank you for your most gracious and kindly welcome. I will try to answer your questions, as best I can:

At present, I attend no church, but I have attended hundreds in the past, and have found them all wanting. None teach the true message, and all are fully of whited sepulchres.

My wife's best pie is one she has with her always.

I am older than I was recently.

I found Jesus, after many years of searching, under a mushroom that glowed in the dark. Taking that as a holy sign, I ate the mushroom and have been seeing the light ever since.

Sir, it seems that I have misjudged you. I took you for an earnest Man seeking Salvation(c). Instead you appear to be just another God-mocker.

You might want to take a look at THIS thread for new posters such as yourself. We do not suffer fools gladly here.

[BalthazarSpartacus]

Re: New to The Church

Thank you for chastening me. I will think longer before writing here. You have caused me to remember what I read in Hebrews 12:

6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?

[BalthazarSpartacus]

Re: New to The Church

I feel that I must repent again for my flippant attitude on first entering into this forum. As it is written, "And they went out, and preached that men should repent. (Mark 6:12).

It is true that I am currently unchurched, and have found no church that teaches clearly and simply from the Bible. I read in II Peter 2, "But there were false prophets among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction." Where will I find the truth? Perhaps it is here, in its unadorned simplicity. I seek to understand as a child, to see the Word as a child sees it.

My wife's best pie is one made of tomatoes and onions, and it is truly savory.

There is only one place to find Jesus, and I found him there, in the Holy Bible, King James Version. I do not have the correct 1611 edition, I am afraid, but will seek it out if that is recommended to me.

I hold the hope that my prior transgression may be forgiven by men as I am sure they will forgiven by Jesus. I will continue to read here, where I suspect True Christianity™ can be found by those who seek it. I hope to join in these discussions as I am able, and with reverence for the saintly folks I find here.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: New to The Church

I feel that I must repent again for my flippant attitude on first entering into this forum. As it is written, "And they went out, and preached that men should repent. (Mark 6:12).

It is true that I am currently unchurched, and have found no church that teaches clearly and simply from the Bible. I read in II Peter 2, "But there were false prophets among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction." Where will I find the truth? Perhaps it is here, in its unadorned simplicity. I seek to understand as a child, to see the Word as a child sees it.

My wife's best pie is one made of tomatoes and onions, and it is truly savory.

There is only one place to find Jesus, and I found him there, in the Holy Bible, King James Version. I do not have the correct 1611 edition, I am afraid, but will seek it out if that is recommended to me.

I hold the hope that my prior transgression may be forgiven by men as I am sure they will forgiven by Jesus. I will continue to read here, where I suspect True Christianity™ can be found by those who seek it. I hope to join in these discussions as I am able, and with reverence for the saintly folks I find here.

The Word of God can be had for free if you just visit your local Independant Baptist Church and ask the Pastor for one. Make sure you ask specifically for a KJV1611 Authorized Version Bible.

Also you can read one online at www.biblegateway.com. And for your assisted reading pleasure, Brother V has got a wonderful thread going HERE called "Bible in a Year."