I'm new

[Repentant Liberal]

Hello I'm 24, not yet married. I live in the Sodom of America, Los Angeles. I have been a member of a particularly liberal branch of Christianity my whole life, but found this site and have been lurking for a while, now I desire to be Saved as you good people are, and wish to repent of my sinful liberal past.

[Talitha]

Re: I'm new

Welcome friend.
When I first saw "Lieberal" I almost Banned you outright, but as a firm believer in Repentance perhaps you deserve a chance.

Do you have any good Book Burning or Homer converting stories to share with us?

[Nobar King]

Re: I'm new

How many people were you able to convince to vote for John McCain?

[Repentant Liberal]

Re: I'm new

I converted probably 10 people to switch their vote from Obama to McCain, I've tried to avoid associating with such people though, so I did not reach many others.

I do not speak to homers to avoid wallowing in their sin, but was very active in striking down gay marriage with the yes on 8 campaign.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: I'm new

Hello I'm 24, not yet married. I live in the Sodom of America, Los Angeles. I have been a member of a particularly liberal branch of Christianity my whole life, but found this site and have been lurking for a while, now I desire to be Saved as you good people are, and wish to repent of my sinful liberal past.

Two minor details. SIN Francisco is the Sodom of America, and there ARE no 'lieberal' brands of Christianity. There is only one. As the commie peacenik John Lennon once wrote about the confluence of JESUS and Landover, "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together."

Of course, GOD smited him for blasphemy afterward, but he was at least trying to get our message out. Too bad he didn't tithe first and get rid of the chink.

[Repentant Liberal]

Re: I'm new

Thank you for the correction Pastor, although I have realized the untruthfulness of my past religious views, it is still taking me some time to understand the enormity of my error.

[Talitha]

Re: I'm new

Two minor details. SIN Francisco is the Sodom of America, and there ARE no 'lieberal' brands of Christianity. There is only one. As the commie peacenik John Lennon once wrote about the confluence of JESUS and Landover, "I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together."

Of course, GOD smited him for blasphemy afterward, but he was at least trying to get our message out. Too bad he didn't tithe first and get rid of the chink.

You know Pastor, I remember (reading about) when The Beatles came over in February 1964 and paid a visit to Freehold. I'd say that John Lennon would have converted to The one true Faith if he'd had shorter hair.
They would have made a phenomenal Christian band

Anyway, must dash. The Nail Parlor awaits.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: I'm new

You seem to be on the right path son. I used to live in California myself. Lost Angels is indeed a den of iniquity. Here is a list of places to avoid because of various, mostly homersexual, influences:

Hollywood a.k.a. Hellywood---------------------Responsible for the moral decay of the entire Western World

West Hellywood-------------------------------Has the highest concentration of queers of almost anywhere in the world, as bad as Sin Fransissyco

Griffith Park Observatory-----------------------They shot Rebel Without a Cause here, with known sodomite Sal Mineo in the cast. There are probably still AIDS germs around.

Santa Monica Blvd.-----------------------------The entire length of it, although the part with the gay whores is obviously the worst.

Melrose Blvd.-----------------------------------Crawling with queers, goths, emos, Jews, etc.

Hollywood Blvd.---------------------------------Queers, Whores, Junkies, and people dressed as famous Hellywood movie stars.

Sunset Blvd.------------------------------------A sinful movie starring super-creepy Gloria Swanson & a street with multiple strip clubs. Double whammy sinful!

International House of Pancakes (all locations)---American pancakes are just fine with me and other True Christians™ thank you very much!

Pinkberry Yogurt (all locations)------------------It just sounds dirty, doesn't it?

[Repentant Liberal]

Re: I'm new

Thank you for the list Captain, those definitely are places I do my best to avoid. As far as Pinkberry goes, even in my former non-repentant state I knew somehow to stay away from there. Perhaps only through Satan being so bold with the name did I find my way to LBC.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: I'm new

And praise Jesus that you did find us! In your former days as a false Christian, you must have been a horribly vile sinner. Are there any filthy transgressions you'd like to get off your chest?

We are very forgiving here, and you'll feel better after you tell us of your past debaucheries. With lots of details, so we know just how far you've come and where you've come from.

Really, you'll feel much better after you tell us! Praise!

[Repentant Liberal]

Re: I'm new

Well Captain, I engaged in pre-marital sex with numerous women, around 20, sometime even more than one at a time.

I was accepting of gay friends, believed it to be natural and incurable.

I learned about evolution and even believed it to be true.

Those are just the ones I can think of right now, I'm sure there were a number of other transgressions.

Thank you for allowing me to voice these in such a righteous atmosphere.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I'm new

Well Captain, I engaged in pre-marital sex with numerous women, around 20, sometime even more than one at a time.

I was accepting of gay friends, believed it to be natural and incurable.

I learned about evolution and even believed it to be true.

Those are just the ones I can think of right now, I'm sure there were a number of other transgressions.

Thank you for allowing me to voice these in such a righteous atmosphere.

Have you Tithed yet friend? Jesus doesn't like to get jooed. Take a look at THIS thread.

Hit that shiny button at the bottom of the page that says "DONATE" on it, and do it today. I would sure hate to see Jesus kill you without you having demonstrated in a material way how much you love Him, and sorry you are about the orgies and the queer support, and how deeply you want to avoid spending eternity in hellfire.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: I'm new

West Hellywood-------------------------------Has the highest concentration of queers of almost anywhere in the world, as bad as Sin Fransissyco

Funny you should mention that, Portway. When I was a junior pastor assigned to the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department...this was....oh, 1970...I had to go through the academy like everyone else. It was sort of like Marine Corps boot camp and I'm 6 month back from the Nam, so I aced it.

Anyway, a few months into training, they sent us out to various stations to ride with real Deputies. I drew West Hellywood. I was completely clueless. I had never been there, got lost several times and was freaked out by the wierdoramas who were walking all over the place. I kept wondering why the county didn't fumigate the whole place.

Then they stuck me in a patrol car with a Deputy who said "Just sit there and don't do anything unless I tell you to." So this 3pm to 11pm and ad we didn't really do much until just after dark. Then a call comes out, "211 in progress", and a description of the car. (211 is the state penal code section describing robbery) We happened to be less than 100 feet away and turned the corner right behind the car, which was just pulling away from the curb. We lit it up and it stopped. The Deputy said "Ok, these guys are probably armed. You walk up to the right side, yell "GUN" if you see a gun, and then shoot them before they shoot us."

I'm thinking "My first ride in a Sheriff's car and I'm gonna be in a shoot-out" THANK YOU JESUS! So I walked up and shined my flashlight throught the passenger side window. The guy had both hands between his legs, obviously hiding something. I yelled for him to show his hands, and he didn't move. The driver was doing the same thing. So I tapped on the glass right next to the dude's head with my .38 and when he glanced at me I cocked it right between his eyes. I said "show your hands, and they better be empty, and then roll down this window or I'm gonna exhale, and this gun will go off in two seconds"...and I started squeezing His eyes got sort of big and he started pulling his hands out just before I capped him, I saw his hands were empty. Turns out it was the wrong car for the armed robbery. He just had a little bag of pot and was acting stupid.

But I would have prayed his soul right into HELL if he had made me shoot him, just as I do every time someone forces me to shoot them.

Funny the things that bring back old memories. The next day I bought a .357 and I still have it. But I don't carry it anymore. I carry a 4" Kimber .45 with Winchester Lawman 230 grain +P hollowpoints that come out at 1150 FPs, about the same as my 10MM. Praise GOD for keeping my aim straight.

I'll tell you about the time I went to notify some poor woman that her husband had died in a car crash. That's what police pastors do quite a bit. Anyway, I was in civilian clothes in an unmarked car when I pulled up to the address in South El Monte. When I got out of the car, I heard BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM. It took me all that time to realize there was a gunfight going on and I was half of it. Some sinner was about fifteen feet away, to my rear, trying to shoot me in the back. Sadly, I did not realize he was out of ammunition when JESUS steadied my hand and put 6 .357s in him. He should have dropped the gun, but he was still clicking away. Now he is clicking away in boiling sulphur. He was a Mary Worshiper anyway.

Even GOD's own are not safe in LA.

"And I hope when I get old I don't sit around thinking about it
but I probably will
Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of.........glory days"
-Springsteen

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: I'm new

That was a very inspiring story Pastor. It seems Jesus had a plan for you, even all those years ago. Making that beaner Catholic empty his gun at your unprotected back and miss you with every shot! Praise! You did the right thing sending him to the Lake of Fire!

West Hellywood has gotten far worse I'm afraid. Did you know that it's legal for queers to own restaurants in California?!? In West Hellywood, I think you HAVE to be a fag to own one! And so many of the places are Greaser food! I'd rather starve than eat food some AIDS infested, wetback, pedo-queer touched! I don't want to die from eating a Fish Taco!

[Repentant Liberal]

Re: I'm new

Your post reminded me of another transgression Captain, I often ate at In-n-Out, I mean I loved those burgers. But that company is owned by Mormon Cultists.