Praise Jesus!

[Brother Patience]

Finally, a site for TRUE CHRISTIANS. I've glanced at other forums, but after reading one or two posts, found them to be untrue, and promptly deleted my own account. As to me personally, I am a 19-year-old male living, unfortunately, in California, but have the good fortune to NOT live in LA or San Francisco. Horrid places, those. ((No offense meant to those with the mis-fortune to live there, I am sure they will agree with me, however, that Sin is literally everywhere in those cites.)) one of my favorite portions of the Bible would have to be the prayer of Manasseh, linked, of course, from a version of the KJV1611 I had the fortune to find online. It's a rather long piece of scripture, and my computer is being.....difficult at the moment, so unfortunately I couldn't insert the full text into my post

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling, so I'll let you folks decide if I'm right for this place, or if I need to spend more time learning about our Good Lord.

Love and Peace, brothers and sisters.

[Brother Patience]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Sorry for the double post, but I also had a bit of a technical question as to the forums. Whenever I try to edit, or even veiw, my public profile, it says I'm not allowed to access the page. Is that just a universal thing with the forums, or did I miss something somewhere?

[Jesus is Lord]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Finally, a site for TRUE CHRISTIANS. I've glanced at other forums, but after reading one or two posts, found them to be untrue, and promptly deleted my own account. As to me personally, I am a 19-year-old male living, unfortunately, in California, but have the good fortune to NOT live in LA or San Francisco. Horrid places, those. ((No offense meant to those with the mis-fortune to live there, I am sure they will agree with me, however, that Sin is literally everywhere in those cites.)) one of my favorite portions of the Bible would have to be the prayer of Manasseh, linked, of course, from a version of the KJV1611 I had the fortune to find online. It's a rather long piece of scripture, and my computer is being.....difficult at the moment, so unfortunately I couldn't insert the full text into my post

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling, so I'll let you folks decide if I'm right for this place, or if I need to spend more time learning about our Good Lord.

Love and Peace, brothers and sisters.

Welcome to GOD's Favorite Forum!

Sorry for the double post, but I also had a bit of a technical question as to the forums. Whenever I try to edit, or even veiw, my public profile, it says I'm not allowed to access the page. Is that just a universal thing with the forums, or did I miss something somewhere?

No unsaved trash is allowed access to those features. When JESUS tells the pastors HE thinks you should be given access to a particular feature you will be given access, it is that simple.

[Brother Patience]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Ah. In other words, 's 'cause I haven't proven myself yet. thanks for clearing that up, and thanks for the welcome. Good to see I'm not the only one forum-cruising this late.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Finally, a site for TRUE CHRISTIANS.

one of my favorite portions of the Bible would have to be the prayer of Manasseh, linked, of course, from a version of the KJV1611 I had the fortune to find online.

Patience, I'm concerned.

Were you a Cathoholic at one point? The book of Manasseh is in the Apocrypha. The only people who keep the Apocrypha in their Bibles are the Cathoholics.

While God did direct King James' scribes in their translations and corrections of the books of the Apocrypha, they are historical documents only. God did not declare them to be canonical Scripture. That's why in early KJV Bibles, they were placed between the Old and New Testaments. Later, it was decided that since they weren't canonical Scripture, keeping them in the same binding with Scripture would only confuse people.

The text of your choice does show an appropriate view of God; however, I do hope your mind hasn't been corrupted by OTHER things in the Apocrypha.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Welcome, though I am confused about your name. When I first saw it, I thought you might be a woman. I'm sure my good friends Patience Woodrow and Patience Huntington would agree. Maybe "Brother Patience" would have been a better choice, so that people don't start asking why you haven't found a Godly husband yet at best, or thinking that you're a cross-dressing homer at worst.

[Brother Patience]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Patience, I'm concerned.

Were you a Cathoholic at one point? The book of Manasseh is in the Apocrypha. The only people who keep the Apocrypha in their Bibles are the Cathoholics.

While God did direct King James' scribes in their translations and corrections of the books of the Apocrypha, they are historical documents only. God did not declare them to be canonical Scripture. That's why in early KJV Bibles, they were placed between the Old and New Testaments. Later, it was decided that since they weren't canonical Scripture, keeping them in the same binding with Scripture would only confuse people.

The text of your choice does show an appropriate view of God; however, I do hope your mind hasn't been corrupted by OTHER things in the Apocrypha.

whoops......I think I'll take a slightly closer look at just what version of King James my source is using next time. Sorry!

Welcome, though I am confused about your name. When I first saw it, I thought you might be a woman. I'm sure my good friends Patience Woodrow and Patience Huntington would agree. Maybe "Brother Patience" would have been a better choice, so that people don't start asking why you haven't found a Godly husband yet at best, or thinking that you're a cross-dressing homer at worst.

The thought occurred to me after I registered, but I couldn't find a place to ask someone to change it....I dun suppose a Pastor or a Moderator could help me out here?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Praise Jesus!

whoops......I think I'll take a slightly closer look at just what version of King James my source is using next time. Sorry!



The thought occurred to me after I registered, but I couldn't find a place to ask someone to change it....I dun suppose a Pastor or a Moderator could help me out here?

Change it to what?

[Brother Patience]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Brother Patience would do nicely, thank you. I wish to avoid any gender-confusion.

And in answer to a question that On Your Knees asked me in another thread, I escaped Cathoholisism when I stumbled across a corrupt version of the King James, and in doing some reasearch caused by a footnote about the Apocrypha and it's exclusion in some versions of the bible, I found the true KJV1611, and it was the oddest thing. For the longest time I had felt hollow, like something was missing, and had taken to wandering the internet in search of something to fill the hole, though relief was temporary at best, but as I read the 1611, I felt a sense of TRUTH about it, and I felt complete again. So I renounced my Catholic faith entirely, and turned my knowledge of the internet and forums to constructive pursuits, such as finding the Landover Baptist website and subsequently, these forums.

[Brother Patience]

Re: Praise Jesus!

dah! messed up the quote......Brother Temperance, I apologize. I would like my name changed to Brother Patience, so as to avoid any confusion of my gender, or claims of unholy perversion.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Praise Jesus!

Ah, much better, Brother Patience! Welcome!

[Brother Patience]

Re: Praise Jesus!

my (belated) thanks, and since this seems to be a good place to post random questions without de-railing/spamming other threads, what exactly is the DOF, and what have they found out about me?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Praise Jesus!

my (belated) thanks, and since this seems to be a good place to post random questions without de-railing/spamming other threads, what exactly is the DOF, and what have they found out about me?

The Department Of Faith is a governmental agency connected to Homeland Security.DOF files are automatically produced for each and every person who applies for posting privileges on God's favorite forum. The contents are never revealed to anyone outside of the True Christian™ Pastors who administer this board. We've seen it all, believe me.

You agreed to our TOS (Terms Of Service) when you sent us your application. Praise Jesus!

Below is the USDOF Mission Statement. Please feel free to study it carefully.

DEPARTMENT OF FAITH MISSION STATEMENT

On January 20, 2001, President George W. Bush signed an executive order establishing the United States Department of Faith (DOF). The DOF's mission is to infuse traditional Christian values into American politics and thereby keep in check "compassion," which, when left unmonitored, destabilizes the delicate balance envisioned by Mr. Bush's call for "compassionate conservatism." The DOF has been entrusted with overseeing disbursement of millions of taxpayer dollars to religious charities. In determining which organization(s) shall receive this Treasury money, the DOF does not discriminate against any particular religion, making funds available to both Baptist churches and other churches or organizations that recognize Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.
The DOF will be headed by Mr. Bush's and God's favorite church, Landover Baptist Church, the largest, most powerful assembly of worthwhile people ever to exist. An elite team of Bible-believing pastors and tenured professors of Creation Science at Landover Baptist University for the Saved have formed a True Christian® think-tank that, working with a Republican-majority Supreme Court, has guaranteed that it will - by any means necessary - bring every citizen of the United States of America back under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

The DOF's approach to this mission seamlessly dovetails with other initiatives in this Republican administration by providing assistance based not on need, but, quite the reverse, on preexisting wealth. The richer the charity, the more federal dollars they can expect to receive. As such, the DOF will be using the taxpayers' tithes to the IRS to promote a national program of Trickle Down Salvation, whereby the blood of the Lord Jesus is washed over the wealthiest 10 percent of the country, eventually making its way down to even the lowest, most worthless trash.

The DOF works quietly behind the scenes with President George W. Bush's closest advisers to ensure that opinions tainted by secular liberalism are weeded out before they can seduce our President's agile attention span. George W. Bush is a man of his word. A True Christian® in every sense. He is the first President to allow the Holy Spirit to sit in on high-level policy and cabinet meetings and vote by proxy through Landover Baptist's Pastor Deacon Fred. Since faith is what binds a True Christian® nation, the President relies upon the DOF for consent in all matters. President Bush has held good on his pre-election promise to provide unlimited access to every file, meeting, and phone conversation tape (whether it concerns the placement of the prayer cards and tracts at official White House dinners or the delivery of arms to help Christians who are being persecuted from Houston to Honolulu) so that all decisions will be made by the people who were responsible for getting him elected in the first place - Christian, Real Americans.

Today, we find America a compost heap of Mormons, Mary-worshipping Catholics, trigger-happy Muslims, nancy boys, fermented wine drinkers, murderers, discount store kleptomaniacs, glue-sniffers, colored single-mothers, and so-called "scientists." The DOF has been given both of George W. Bush's four-year terms to take out the trash and bring this once-proud nation back to the rugged cross.

I hope this helped. Good luck on your road to Salvation©!