Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

[Just James]

Good men of Landover, I should like to join your flock.

It pains me to say this, but I am no longer welcome in my previous church. Apparently, expressing concern that the church was visiting AIDS victims to offer comfort (rather than condemning them as being punished by God for their sins and exhorting them to repent on their deathbed) is "incompatible with the views of the church".

Perhaps I shouldn't have told the pastor that he was surely going to burn in Hell along with the sodomites and homers whose lifestyle he was endorsing - but as I said to him, what is the point in having faith if you are not prepared to stand by your views when others challenge them, be it in word or in action?

[Nobar King]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

Welcome, Yttrium, is that your given name? How is it pronounced? Is it radioactive?

[Just James]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

Sir, it is indeed my given name. My parents wanted to choose something unusual.

I hardly need to tell you that such a name forced me to endure ceaseless taunting when I was a child. I was torn between honouring my Father and Mother and cutting them off altogether - for is it not written "And if thy right hand offend thee, cut if off, and cast it from thee"?

Eventually I settled upon honouring my parents and cutting off my right hand. This had the added benefit of making it substantially harder to masturbate, thus bringing me closer to Our Lord.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

Welcome to our Godly Forum™, have you engaged in homosexual acts ?

What is the most disgusting thing you've ever put in you mouth ?

[Bob4God]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

Greetings and welcome to Landover.

Self-amputation is a GODly practice, and I admire your devotion to CHRIST.

PRAISE!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

Good men of Landover, I should like to join your flock.

It pains me to say this, but I am no longer welcome in my previous church. Apparently, expressing concern that the church was visiting AIDS victims to offer comfort (rather than condemning them as being punished by God for their sins and exhorting them to repent on their deathbed) is "incompatible with the views of the church".

Perhaps I shouldn't have told the pastor that he was surely going to burn in Hell along with the sodomites and homers whose lifestyle he was endorsing - but as I said to him, what is the point in having faith if you are not prepared to stand by your views when others challenge them, be it in word or in action?

You talk funny. Are you sure you aren't a queer?

Your name was plucked off the sinful "Periodic Table of the Elements," which is the central focus of the Darwinista cult. I would strongly suggest that you see a judge and change it to something more Christian, then tell us and we'll change it for you here. Maybe you could take a name from the Biblical Period Table of the Elements instead.

Naming a child after a radioactive atheistic rock is like naming your child after satan. Please tell me that you don't still live with them. How old are you boy?

[Just James]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

I'm 45, as it says in my profile Pastor.

While I could change my name, it was chosen for me by my parents and they were very proud of their choice. I believe that changing it to something else would be a dishonour to them, as I would be effectively saying "you made a lousy choice". This would fly in the face of the 5th commandment, which is very clear on the matter of honouring parents.

I don't know of anywhere in the Bible where it instructs people who have possibly offensive names to change them, however if I am wrong I am happy to be corrected.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

I'm 45, as it says in my profile Pastor.

While I could change my name, it was chosen for me by my parents and they were very proud of their choice. I believe that changing it to something else would be a dishonour to them, as I would be effectively saying "you made a lousy choice". This would fly in the face of the 5th commandment, which is very clear on the matter of honouring parents.

I don't know of anywhere in the Bible where it instructs people who have possibly offensive names to change them, however if I am wrong I am happy to be corrected.

I think you should pray over these two verses.

Luke 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children,and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.

Mark 9:43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

Let me know what you think.

[Just James]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

You have clearly studied the Bible more closely than I have, Pastor.

But I do not understand how one can both honour thy father and mother and hate them.

Regarding cutting off my hand, I've already done that once. Should I have my other hand cut off?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

You have clearly studied the Bible more closely than I have, Pastor.

But I do not understand how one can both honour thy father and mother and hate them.

It's because you aren't Saved(r).

John 8:43 Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word. 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. 8:45 And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not.

Regarding cutting off my hand, I've already done that once. Should I have my other hand cut off?

I was implying that you might cut off your name, since it offends me.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Good sirs, may I introduce myself?

I was implying that you might cut off your name, since it offends me.

I am sorry I didn't report this sooner to the Pastors and Male Elders, but in another thread, Mr. Yttrium mentioned he would be interested in any system we have that automatically deducts tithes on weekly paydays.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=19451&page=2

It's true I have been accused of being overly interested in gentlemens' finances in the past, yet I think it would be perhaps rash to reject out-of-hand a potentially fertile contributor to the Church, without fully knowing of their perhaps intended generosity.

Just thought you'd like to know....sorry I didn't post this sooner.