New convert here

[streetlight88]

Re: New convert here

Forgive me if I came across as too sarcastic. Perhaps I was a bit too brutally honest about my admission to my past. And I haven't been to many churches before, I had just thought they all had free donuts... again, my apologies.

Even as a former atheist, I actually thought Jesus was a pretty cool guy. I mean, Son of God or not, you have to admit that walking across water and pwning death is awesome. But I also thought he gave some pretty cool teachings. For instance:

39But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
- Matthew 5:39 (KJV)


Should we could all take heed of this advice, we could make the world a much more peaceful place to live.


Anyway, as I am a new X-ian (my shorthand abreviation for Christian), I am likely to make many mistakes along my way to reflecting His Glory more and more each day, but I hope that any sins against my brothers and sisters will be forgiven by both God and my peers. As I read more of the Word, I hope to gain understanding so that I don't become a lost sheep among the flock.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: New convert here

Listen up Mr. comedian, this is God's favorite church, and we don't hand out pastries of any kind to unsaved atheistic monkey-worshipers like you.

I don't blame you for being embarrassed to admit such a thing. At least you have some sense of decency. Please tell us why you hate Jesus.

[streetlight88]

Well, this is my first post, so I am now losing my forum virginity (I'm not married, so I hope God won't mind)...

Anyway, this is somewhat embarrassing for me, but I might as well say it... I used to be...

... an atheist.

*Sigh* Yes, it's true. I used to believe in things like science, reason, Richard Dawkins, EVILution... yenno, the whole works. But one day when I performed my daily Google search for "kiddie porn" (as all faithful atheist do), I found THIS picture on the internets instead:



I then realized that Jebus the Flying Spaghetti Monster George Bush Raptor Jesus Daffy Duck Chuck Norris Jesus (sorry, it took me a few times to get that right) is the one true God and that I've been living a lie my entire life. I immediately converted to Christianity and then the nice people at Wal-Mart helped me find a $10 copy of the NIV Bible.

Anyway, as a new X-ian, I'm looking to join a church so that I can be indoctrinated brainwashed filled with the Holy Spirit (again, my apologies, sometimes I type words that I don't mean to and I can't find the "DELETE" key on my computer). Does Landover Baptist Church have free donuts? Because if it does, then I'm here to stay.