PRAISE JESUS I'M FREE!!!!

[John "Forgiven" Jones]

I've been held by papists in their unholy "Vatican City" (Vatican is a latin word for "sodomite lair of Satan) for over a year and finally managed to tunnel my way out using the bones of innocent boys they molested and tortured in their "Catycombs". The vile Cathylickers did all sort of unspeakable things to me, among other things they placed hot burning coals of their incense on my manliness and told me if I would deny JESUS as my personal lord and saviour they would stop torturing me. It was only the knowledge I had been saved and that they would all suffer unimaginable pain in the lake of unquenchable fire for eternity that kept me going, that and the knowledge my brothers and sisters at Landover were working to show the world the evil that is Cathylyschism. I'm still recovering from the torture I suffered at their hands, much of which I can't describe in detail here as it would be offensive to any True Christian but I will, PRAISE JESUS, share with you all details of the horrible truth I learned about Cathylschism.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: PRAISE JESUS I'M FREE!!!!

I've been held by papists in their unholy "Vatican City"

I will, PRAISE JESUS, share with you all details of the horrible truth I learned about Cathylschism.

Welcome, JJ! Your harrowing tale of torture and escape makes me want to jump from my chair and cry out, "DY-NO-MITE! Another escapes!"

I've no doubt you have many details that you can share with us. Sister Mary Maria (or Sister M&Ms, as we call her) escaped from a Catlick brothel nunnery, herself. Doubtless, you two will have much in common!

Were you taken captive as a firm-buttocked altar boy? Or did you fall into their clutches by some other deviant subterfuge?

Note: I've moved this thread to the Introduction Forum.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: PRAISE JESUS I'M FREE!!!!

Don't whine so much boy. Remember how God and satan toyed with Job? Your story pales in comparison.

I pray that the mary-worshipers didn't turn you queer, like they do so many others.

Please feel free to share more details of your life, especially detailing the various perversions and degenerate sins you have wallowed in.

Have you read the Holy KJV1611 Bible from cover to cover? And I notice that you have yet to send in your Tithe. Don't try and rob Jesus. Hit that Paypal button at the bottom of this page today, before Jesus decides to kill you.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: PRAISE JESUS I'M FREE!!!!

Hallelujah, another fortunate escapee! Welcome, Brother John! I am familiar with your pain. As Brother OYK pointed out, I am a former nun and the tales I have to tell will curl your whiskers! I'm finally past kissing the rings of cross-dressers and ritualistic cannibalism, but there are nights where I remember being locked up with 29 other women and a few priests, and I'm thankful to Jesus I've got my chastity belt to keep me safe.

[Brother Love]

Re: PRAISE JESUS I'M FREE!!!!

Praise the Lord! Saved by the blood of the Lamb! Let us know all the details of what those Cathylicker ANTICHRISTS did to you. At least you're free from the VILE clutches of the Church of the ANTICHRIST. PRAISE GOD!!

[Youth Pastor Marty]

Re: PRAISE JESUS I'M FREE!!!!

Welcome back, Brother John! You were in our prayers day and night ever since we last heard from you. Where are you now, if I might ask? As soon as you're on Church Campus again stop by my office. I'll have multitudes of questions about the Catholics!

[Wash O'Hanley]

Re: PRAISE JESUS I'M FREE!!!!

I thought for sure you had been killed, or at least used as a pawn in one of the Pope's daily performances of "Caligola" with the 'Scared Alter Boy Players'.