Hello LBC!

[New Directions]

My name is Kent, and I'm a Biblical counselor. I deal with a lot of people in my private practice who think that they are crazy. They have either labeled themselves or have been labeled by secular psychiatrists as being too depressed, or too anxious, or schizophrenic, or bipolar. However, when they come see a Baptist counselor such as myself, they face the Truth: they are possessed by sin and Satan, and it is affecting their thoughts and behaviors. Jesus doesn't believe in chemical imbalances, either, and He also abhors psychotropic medication, so don't even try that nonsense with me.

My methods involve having a conversation with my client face to face, and confronting his or her sinful ways in order to bring about the changes that God demands. In a typical session with me, my clients can expect therapy that is based upon the Scripture of the KJV, and nothing else. Hopefully, a client can expect to see changes fairly quickly in his or her quest to emulate Christ and rid themselves of their particular demons.

Here are some of my favorite verses from the KJV. They remind me of the work I do.

Proverbs 13:10
Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.

John 8:29
And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hello LBC!

Hello, Ken, are you still taking new patients?

[New Directions]

Re: Hello LBC!

Hello, Ken, are you still taking new patients?

Yes, I still have some room on my client roster, and I always appreciate referrals.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hello LBC!

If I know anyone who needs a shrink, I'll give them your number.

[New Directions]

Re: Hello LBC!

If I know anyone who needs a shrink, I'll give them your number.

Thank you, Mr. King, it is much appreciated.

Business is picking up with this Swine Flu pandemic, actually. I'm seeing more and more people with the Obsessive Compulsive Demon who can't stop washing their hands, for fear of getting sick. It's such a sad sight, seeing these lost souls who have fallen away from the Lord...

[Nobar King]

Re: Hello LBC!

I hope you keep plenty of wipes in your waiting room to keep them happy. Just like the dentist always has candy.

[New Directions]

Re: Hello LBC!

I hope you keep plenty of wipes in your waiting room to keep them happy. Just like the dentist always has candy.

Giving those wipes to a cleanliness obsessed person is counterproductive. During the latter part of therapy, we work on facing the demons. I encourage the patient to touch the toilet seat in my bathroom with his or her bare hands while they pray fervently to the Lord.

[Nurse Clampett]

Re: Hello LBC!

My name is Kent, and I'm a Biblical counselor. I deal with a lot of people in my private practice who think that they are crazy. They have either labeled themselves or have been labeled by secular psychiatrists as being too depressed, or too anxious, or schizophrenic, or bipolar. However, when they come see a Baptist counselor such as myself, they face the Truth: they are possessed by sin and Satan, and it is affecting their thoughts and behaviors. Jesus doesn't believe in chemical imbalances, either, and He also abhors psychotropic medication, so don't even try that nonsense with me.

My methods involve having a conversation with my client face to face, and confronting his or her sinful ways in order to bring about the changes that God demands. In a typical session with me, my clients can expect therapy that is based upon the Scripture of the KJV, and nothing else. Hopefully, a client can expect to see changes fairly quickly in his or her quest to emulate Christ and rid themselves of their particular demons.

Welcome Brother! I too am a medical professional of sorts. I help save the doomed souls of homers by assisting my Pastor\Doctor in lobotomizing the gayness out of their brains. I hope you enjoy your stay here!

[New Directions]

Re: Hello LBC!

Welcome Brother! I too am a medical professional of sorts. I help save the doomed souls of homers by assisting my Pastor\Doctor in lobotomizing the gayness out of their brains. I hope you enjoy your stay here!

Thank you, Nurse Clampett! If you ever have a problem with a difficult patient, please don't hesitate to call on me.

Kent

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello LBC!

Welcome friend. It sounds like you'll be a great addition to God's favorite forum. We have plenty of nutjobs demon possession cases bouncing around here. Maybe you can do something with VanHellsing. She's a full-blown witch.

I'll bet you go through KJV Bibles by the case. Do you hand them out with each appointment? Because I know some joo distributors who can give you a good deal.

[Brian Dyk]

Re: Hello LBC!

Why kind of menal infirmity afflicts atheists? Is it simple mental retardation? Or worse?

[New Directions]

Re: Hello LBC!

Welcome friend. It sounds like you'll be a great addition to God's favorite forum. We have plenty of nutjobs demon possession cases bouncing around here. Maybe you can do something with VanHellsing. She's a full-blown witch.

I'll bet you go through KJV Bibles by the case. Do you hand them out with each appointment? Because I know some joo distributors who can give you a good deal.

Yes, each patient gets a complimentary KJV Bible during their first session. I'm always looking to lower my overhead costs, so a deal on Bibles would be alright by me.

Thank you, Pastor.

[New Directions]

Re: Hello LBC!

Why kind of menal infirmity afflicts atheists? Is it simple mental retardation? Or worse?

It's much worse than mental retardation. It's simple, insidious denial of everything that is Good and Holy in this world. These people have been engaging in sinful activities for so long that they just forgot how it feels to bask in the light of the Lord.

I've tried to help atheists in my practice, but oftentimes it is a lost cause. Most have grown accustomed to their supposed "logic", and have forgotten what it means to have faith.

[Jimmy-Roy Stewart]

Re: Hello LBC!

Hi there kent i wonder whether you can do something for my debbie shes always doing something stupid that makes me mad at her i cant pay you but may be i can do your lawn some of the business men here in freehold will let me pay by doing there lawns or servicing them in other ways so im sure we can work something out.

[New Directions]

Re: Hello LBC!

Hi there kent i wonder whether you can do something for my debbie shes always doing something stupid that makes me mad at her i cant pay you but may be i can do your lawn some of the business men here in freehold will let me pay by doing there lawns or servicing them in other ways so im sure we can work something out.

This situation reminds me of Proverbs 9:13 - A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing.

What kind of stupid things does she do? Are they the result of sin?