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Greetings From Hellward Tennessee!
Hail, fellow Christians! The Lord has finally given me purpose to use this smut-filled system of tubes known as the Internet. After wandering lost for years, God has saved me from the damnation of, dare I say it, freethought! (Just thinking of that word makes me want to vomit!)
I accepted the raw truth of Jesus last year after reading a Chick tract (God bless Jack Chick!) and fully devoted myself to rock solid, fundamentally Christian values and spreading them to citizens of the damned and hopeless cesspool of sin we know as the Ungodly States Of Atheism (USA).
I spend my "spare" time door-to-door tract witnessing to any heretic who is in imminent danger of hellfire, and defending against the combined threat of the Mormons,
Catholics, and Jehovah's Witnesses who corrupt our blasphemous, heathen childrens' minds with wretched lies. In addition, I also write at least one article every week on why some particular group that doesn't agree with Christianity will be unhesitantly cast down into the bottomless pit of fire known as Hell (all praise be to the Lord!).
I have grown sickened with the "Baptist" churches around me, and as such, I am not a member of one of the so-called churches around me. I have found only one other true church besides Landover, and that is Westboro. (Praise be to Fred Phelps!) Although, they teeter far too closely to Canada, and, when the Jew-loving, Muslim, half-French, half-British, homosexual, atheist Canadians finally invade America, Westboro will inevitably become a combination synagogue/mosque/gay bar...for Satanists. And so, I have chosen to take notes from your wise Pastor, learning how to really put the "Christian" back into "Christian Soldier". I only pray that God find it in His Infinite Glory (praise be to Him!) to send me to Landover, lest I become a unchurched "Christian".
I am very anxious to start bashing the non-believing scum who continue to nuisance the site, and I do earnestly pray that God ensure Landover's message is heard by every half-brained atheist/foreigner/non-Christian/female underserving of God's Grace (all praise be to him!).-The Tennessean Tertius
I accepted the raw truth of Jesus last year after reading a Chick tract (God bless Jack Chick!) and fully devoted myself to rock solid, fundamentally Christian values and spreading them to citizens of the damned and hopeless cesspool of sin we know as the Ungodly States Of Atheism (USA).
I spend my "spare" time door-to-door tract witnessing to any heretic who is in imminent danger of hellfire, and defending against the combined threat of the Mormons,
Catholics, and Jehovah's Witnesses who corrupt our blasphemous, heathen childrens' minds with wretched lies. In addition, I also write at least one article every week on why some particular group that doesn't agree with Christianity will be unhesitantly cast down into the bottomless pit of fire known as Hell (all praise be to the Lord!).
I have grown sickened with the "Baptist" churches around me, and as such, I am not a member of one of the so-called churches around me. I have found only one other true church besides Landover, and that is Westboro. (Praise be to Fred Phelps!) Although, they teeter far too closely to Canada, and, when the Jew-loving, Muslim, half-French, half-British, homosexual, atheist Canadians finally invade America, Westboro will inevitably become a combination synagogue/mosque/gay bar...for Satanists. And so, I have chosen to take notes from your wise Pastor, learning how to really put the "Christian" back into "Christian Soldier". I only pray that God find it in His Infinite Glory (praise be to Him!) to send me to Landover, lest I become a unchurched "Christian".
I am very anxious to start bashing the non-believing scum who continue to nuisance the site, and I do earnestly pray that God ensure Landover's message is heard by every half-brained atheist/foreigner/non-Christian/female underserving of God's Grace (all praise be to him!).-The Tennessean Tertius
Oh, I have sinned!
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