Where do I start?

[A Lamb Alone]

I suppose I should start with a fine, hello. My name is Christopher (please, just Chris ) Paine, and I suppose I can sum up my past by saying I've spent my years searching for God.

My childhood was always a very lonely one, and despite my weekly visits to Sunday School, I often only found solace in what we were learning, and didn't fit very well with the rest of the activities and community building, therefore giving my faith a bleak outlook from the start. I mean from when I was young I was taught to question things. My parents weren't the kinds to just dismiss an ideal because it was popular. And when I got into my prepubescent and teen years this translated into atheism. Not just the "cool" kind of dismissive atheism, but the bitter kind, where I would pick fights to disprove Bible verses.

Where did this leave me? Sure, I had a lot of friends, a lot of factually smart ones at that. But they weren't the true friends that I could see standing up for what they believe in. Rather, I later realized the foolishness in just doing something because it seems to be "smart." Did they really believe this, or were they spitting out Dawkins and Hitchens quotes to save their own sorry souls? I will never know.

Needless to say, I am an artist at heart, and my life's joy comes from expressing and discovering my experience in any way I can. And oh boy, do I look up to the artistic and poetic genius that the Lord has placed for us to marvel at. When thinking of ways to express myself, I simply cannot accept the fact that there is no God. He shows Himself to me in every way imaginable, and I think those who do not wish to observe it are really missing out in their life (the only one they will ever receive).

So I walk through the gates of this new Kingdom with the open mind to further explore myself and hope to get to know you all a little better along my way.

God Bless,
Chris

[James Hutchins]

Re: Where do I start?

Welcome, Chris. What Church do you attend? I know Pastor Zeke will want to know your Pastors Name for when he calls. What is your favorite Bible verse? Where do you live? Do you hunt?

[A Lamb Alone]

Re: Where do I start?

Well, Brother James, I'm somewhat between churches at the moment. I'm not really sure what happened, but my old pastor at Second Assembly Presbyterian Centre told me I was on a special faith seeking mission of God. I mean I was a loyal churchgoer for months after I was born again, but ever since that time I stumbled upon him and little Billy Madrowski in his office that one time, he says God has been giving him orders to send me on with my journey. Apparently I'm just not a good fit.

But I've decided to go Baptist, anyways, because it sounds so much more spiritually fulfilling. So I'm seriously considering this new Baptist Church that just started out called "Yes We Can Assembly." I haven't heard much of their beliefs yet, but they sound like they have a nice and strong message to them. And that's what we could use some more of in this great country, some more strong and faithful Republicans. Who does this Obama think he is, anyway? With all of his hate and weak wishy-washy liberal messages.

As for a favorite Bible verse... oh dear, where to start? I mean I can quote the whole New Testament if you want. And I mean, according to Luke 16:17, I've got the entire Old Testament to be thankful for as well. However, I know you're all well versed, so I might as well provide just one line.
"Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining." John 2:7-8
I discovered this quote in one of my dreams, as the Lord was giving me the power to see beyond my normal human consciousness. He taught me that such ideals as old is new, and love is hate is the Christian way, and only nonbelievers can see flawed logic in it.

Blesseth,
Chris

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Where do I start?

Welcome to God's favorite forum, Chris. How old are you? You haven't mentioned a wife or children...I hope you aren't a queer. So many of the artistic types seem to take up that hobby, and God hates it as you probably know.

I wonder if you'd explain what this means:

Keeping our eyes peeled for the Master. Open up and look around for God. See His works and find him standing near us,. Be alert His presence to applaud.
He's right here, by our side. All along, we're His bride.
"Eyes Peeled" -- Half-Handed Cloud (PS, don't take that as gay. Blesseth thou for not)

Sounds like some kind of whiney emo poetry.

[Dr. Warren Wierdsbe]

Re: Where do I start?

Well, Brother James, I'm somewhat between churches at the moment. I'm not really sure what happened, but my old pastor at Second Assembly Presbyterian Centre told me I was on a special faith seeking mission of God. I mean I was a loyal churchgoer for months after I was born again, but ever since that time I stumbled upon him and little Billy Madrowski in his office that one time, he says God has been giving him orders to send me on with my journey. Apparently I'm just not a good fit.

But I've decided to go Baptist, anyways, because it sounds so much more spiritually fulfilling. So I'm seriously considering this new Baptist Church that just started out called "Yes We Can Assembly." I haven't heard much of their beliefs yet, but they sound like they have a nice and strong message to them. And that's what we could use some more of in this great country, some more strong and faithful Republicans. Who does this Obama think he is, anyway? With all of his hate and weak wishy-washy liberal messages.

As for a favorite Bible verse... oh dear, where to start? I mean I can quote the whole New Testament if you want. And I mean, according to Luke 16:17, I've got the entire Old Testament to be thankful for as well. However, I know you're all well versed, so I might as well provide just one line.
"Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining." John 2:7-8
I discovered this quote in one of my dreams, as the Lord was giving me the power to see beyond my normal human consciousness. He taught me that such ideals as old is new, and love is hate is the Christian way, and only nonbelievers can see flawed logic in it.

Blesseth,
Chris

Chris:
While we are glad to meet Christians who have found us, you will find that there are a couple of things we absolutely insist on. Perhaps the most basic and fundamental of those is absolute reliance on the only real Bible, The Authorized Version of 1611, otherwise known as the King James Bible. Your reference was not John 2:7-8 but 1 John 2:7-8:

1 John 2:7-8 (King James Version)



7Brethren, I write no new commandment unto you, but an old commandment which ye had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word which ye have heard from the beginning. 8Again, a new commandment I write unto you, which thing is true in him and in you: because the darkness is past, and the true light now shineth.


Notice first of all, how much more beautiful the cadence is in verse 8, it's almost like a Psalm or a hymn, or really good rap.

Other than that, I think you are on the right path. Don't let us down.
In Christ
Warren

[A Lamb Alone]

Re: Where do I start?

My dearest apologies Dr. Weirdsbe, but the Good Lord has been testing my faith recently by shutting down the only Christian bookstore in town that sold the King James version. I get that the economic downturn has been put into place to weed out communist and unholy empires like Circuit City and GM, but some of the Good stores have fallen, as well. Perhaps their intentions were not for His Holiness after all, but some kind of sick joke. But with the path he has paved for me on the internet I will now be able to hear his true word in all its almighty glory!

And no, Pastor Ezekiel, surely you of all people should know that a queer cannot comprehend the Good Book. They are repelled by it like scientists are to good logic. In fact, the only portraits I draw of men are completely religious to show how outrageous their moral ideas are. And I am only 20 years old, so I am not of the age in which God is willing for me to start a family. I pray for guidance, though, and He says my day will come where I can stand in front of my household with my wife and children and be proud.

And my signature is to the lyrics of a song by Half-Handed Cloud, a Christian indie folk band. His musical ingenuity and resourcefulness is a true inspiration for me and I hope to be like him someday with my spiritual outreach.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bnqL7xMLZM Here is an example of his indie genius, and for any more information you can look here: http://www.asthmatickitty.com/musicians.php?artistID=3

And if anyone is looking for that particular song it is called Eyes Peeled, but unfortunately I cannot find a video of it to show you. I simply disclaim it for some of the Godless heathens out there trying to mark me as a homo just because of my connection with those lyrics. No, just because I love bright colors and soft and poppy indie folk doesn't mean I'm a queer.

Blesseth,
Chris

[Nobar King]

Re: Where do I start?

The Good Lord has been testing my faith recently by shutting down the only Christian bookstore in town that sold the King James version.

That's no excuse. You can read the Bible online or get a free one at any church. Make sure to ask for the KJV1600, the only true Bible.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Where do I start?

The Word of God can be had for free if you just visit your local Independant Baptist Church and ask the Pastor for one. Make sure you ask specifically for a KJV1611 Authorized Version Bible.

Also you can read one online at www.biblegateway.com. And for your assisted reading pleasure, Brother V has got a wonderful thread going HERE called "Bible in a Year."

[JennyD]

Re: Where do I start?

My dearest apologies Dr. Weirdsbe, but the Good Lord has been testing my faith recently by shutting down the only Christian bookstore in town that sold the King James version.

If your local churches won't give you a free KJV1611, and you can't find one in a local bookstore, then I suggest amazon.com.

Welcome, Chris! May the Lord bless and keep you, and guide you safe to His waiting arms!

[A Lamb Alone]

Re: Where do I start?

My dearest apologies, but I do not want to make it seem like I now do not have a King James circa 1600. I was simply stating that I did not have one, and mentioned the path I was led on unto my salvation (meaning I now have the Book).

Needless to say I am now fully satisfied with my King James, and will never go back to that liberal propaganda "New Living Translation" again.

Thank you so much for your good-hearted concern, though. We could use some more good-hearted Christian hospitality in this world being overrun by MTV style life.

Blesseth,
Chris

[Star Finder]

Re: Where do I start?

Hmmm...

Needless to say I am now fully satisfied with my King James

you seem like a homosexual. Are you related to Thomas Paine?

[A Lamb Alone]

Re: Where do I start?

Hahahahaha... oh, silly Star Finder. The Good Clean Christian Jokes are posted in a separate thread.

Let me see here... you're posting as a user called "Star Finder", as what appears to be a big fan of twinkling sparkles in the sky. And then, you use the sig of:

The stars are close enough to grab and all you want to do is hold my stones.

Now I bet this could be intended as an ironic way to show how masculine you really are, but judging by the clear lack of grammatical attention you pay I'll take it as a literal phrase you spoke with one of your guy "friends" one night observing the "stars."

I bet your "science" tells you all about how homosexuality is inborn into someone, and can be identified by several telltale signs that do NOT include a passionate hatred for God. It is people like you that I get the utmost satisfaction of sharing my righteous beliefs. So go ahead... revel in His Holiness, my Savior.

Now, as to Thomas Paine...
I do not wish to associate with a man that pretends to be Christian and quotes Biblical verses in his speeches, only to be an avid atheist in his other works. I can assure you, I am just as much of a True Christian ™ as everyone else on this beloved site.

Blesseth to the True,
Chris

[Dr. Warren Wierdsbe]

Re: Where do I start?

Now, as to Thomas Paine...
I do not wish to associate with a man that pretends to be Christian and quotes Biblical verses in his speeches, only to be an avid atheist in his other works. I can assure you, I am just as much of a True Christian ™ as everyone else on this beloved site.

Blesseth to the True,
Chris

I suggest you refrain from announcing your egotistical self as a True Christian(TM) until the Pastors say you are one. Until then you may find you are Under Investigation.
In Christ
Warren

[Star Finder]

Re: Where do I start?

boasting and lying....

interesting behavior for a wannabe xian.

The "stones" comment was added by the admins for a certain incident when I first got here.

[A Lamb Alone]

Re: Where do I start?

I suggest you refrain from announcing your egotistical self as a True Christian™ until the Pastors say you are one. Until then you may find you are Under Investigation.

I deeply apologize and don't want to come across as egotistical. I thought because this site was called the "Official True Christian™ Church Web Forums" that those who worshiped under it were considered True Christians™, but I now see it as a privilege to be earned. I now put it in your hands and the Lord to forgive me for my mistake.


Very Sorry,
Chris