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  • MOMOwheeler
    Wheeling towards salvation
     
    • Jul 2009
    • 26
    #1

    Hiya

    Hi all.

    Long time LOB supporter... own 2 shirts and 2 bumper stickers but never knew about the forums until just recently.

    My name is Brian, I was born the bastard child of a 13 year old girl on Friday, January 13, 1978. Given up for adoption, my new parents ironically gave the the middle name of Christian.

    As you may gather from the above, fate has a funny way with things... I was essentially born damned for eternity. Looking forward to having my colon cleansed amongst the purest of the pure here at LOB.
    Saved by Pastor Deacon Fred's 60 Second Sermons
    http://www.landoverbaptist.org/60second
    Tags: None
    • Oakland "Reb" Griner
      True Christian™
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2009
      • 2241
      #2
      Re: Hiya

      I have been looking into the possibility of setting up Christian Colostomy Camps so as to remove the offended (and now apparently offending) organs.

      Do you feel your Salvation might be enhanced, sanctified and realized via this soul saving surgery ??
      Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.

        Comment

        • MOMOwheeler
          Wheeling towards salvation
           
          • Jul 2009
          • 26
          #3
          Re: Hiya

          Originally posted by Metatron13 View Post

          Do you feel your Salvation might be enhanced, sanctified and realized via this soul saving surgery ??
          Yes, a clean colon is one of many ways to live a long, fruitful, and cancer free life.

          Though, only the word of our Lord has the power and forcefulness to blast away my internal excrement... the LOB is the equivalent of a 120psi Jesus enema; and by God my cheeks are spread wide open.
          Saved by Pastor Deacon Fred's 60 Second Sermons
          http://www.landoverbaptist.org/60second

            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78556
              #4
              Re: Hiya

              Welcome to God's favorite forum, friend. The only Landover Baptist "swag" we're interested in is the Holy KJV1611 Bible. Are you at all familiar with it?

              Can I assume that you have taken a look at our church doctrines by now?
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • HTannor
                  America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
                  True Christian™
                  • Jun 2009
                  • 2612
                  #5
                  Re: Hiya

                  Originally posted by MOMOwheeler View Post
                  the LOB is the equivalent of a 120psi Jesus enema; and by God my cheeks are spread wide open.

                  Praise be for finding us MoMo. Your spread cheeks are safe here. In the outside world those innocent, unprotected flanks would be an open invitation to the "you know whos."
                  The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

                  "Credo elvem etiam vivere"

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