How y'all is?

[Sista Lateefah]

Hello to all y'all!

My name be Lateefah Yomama. It be a African name, and as you probably already know, I's black. I'll give you a little bit of my history here, but I'll try not to make it too long, alright?

I was born in a country that I can't say its name because it's such a bad word, but I'll put a little map of it here for y'all so you know what I is talkin' about!



So dat's where I was born. My Auntie had took me out of there and brought me to America when I was really little because a homosessal had gone over there and started touching people and had gave them all the AIDS! They still have not gotten over that to this day! So my Auntie had rescued me before I could catch that nastiness.

So that explain why I's in America today. All my life I has been lookin' for the right church. I went to a church with other black folk for the longest time, but they was just hootin' and hollerin' and carryin' on and generally actin' ignant up in there. I didn't ever learn anything about Jesus! I axed them why they was celebratin' if they ain't ever gonna talk about WHAT they was celebratin', and they just tell me I need to close my mouth! Shoot. I was done with them ignoranuses after that!

So after I left that church I had been reading the King Jame 1611 Bible, which is the only book I had ever bothered to read my whole life. But Laaaaawd, I did not know what that thing was sayin'! I said that I needed to find some white folk that explains all this to me! And what's why I'm here, because I needs to learn about Jesus and I do not know what this book be sayin'!

I had read up on y'all on y'all's website and I saw that y'all like George Bush. I knew y'all was a good church when I saw that, because that man was put in power by Jesus Himself! He be the only President I have been able to understood, like when he had said, "Rarely is the question [axed], 'Is our children learning?'" Oh.. praise! I has been waitin' so long for a President that could relates to the people! Bill Clinton was a racist buttface... you din't see Condomleeza or Colored Powells around when that man was in power!

So that's who I is, and I was just wonderin' how y'all feels about black folk and does y'all welcome them into y'all congregation?

Thanks and may the Lawd bless you and yours!

[Brother John]

Re: How y'all is?

Don't abuse the Lord's name like that! Lawd resembles "lewd", and our Lord is far from that!

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: How y'all is?

Oh, I is so sorry! That's the way people at my old church had said that, and that's the way I always said and writed it. I seen that it was spelled and typed differently in the KJV 1611, but I just thought that was because people talked like Shakespeare in them days! I'll try to work on pronunciating and writing that word the way y'all does! God bless y'all!

[OnYourKnees]

Re: How y'all is?

Lateefah -

We're so glad to see you've come to God's Favorite Church! We indeed welcome ex-Negroes of all shades!

I strongly recommend you review Remy Lebeau's Ask an Ex-Negro thread: http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=60

I'm sure he'd be happy to guide you in shaking off the roots of oppression and becoming as Godly as he!

[Enobarbus]

Re: How y'all is?

Hello to all y'all!

My name be Lateefah Yomama. It be a African name, and as you probably already know, I's black. I'll give you a little bit of my history here, but I'll try not to make it too long, alright?

was in power!

So that's who I is, and I was just wonderin' how y'all feels about black folk and does y'all welcome them into y'all congregation?

Thanks and may the Lawd bless you and yours!

Welcome Lateefah. We welcome any God-fearing and repentant person into the Landover Congregation and have even had a nigra Reverend. We are not an intolerant or racist church -- we simply take the Word of the Lord (KJV1611) for what it says, not for what we'd like it to say. So homers who have repented and given up their abominations are welcome at Landover, as are nigras who understand that they are the children of Ham (see brother Remy if you don't understand what I'm saying) and therefore inferior to the White Folks. At Landover the nigras sit upstairs behind the mirror and those with cars (most of them, since even the Landover nigras are usually blessed by the Lord with earthly riches) have their own carpark. At functions the nigras are expected to understand where they fit in according to the Good Lord's scheme of things, as made plain in the Old Testament of the KJV1611, but we certainly do not exclude the black folk.

You strike me as very wise for a black lady and are correct to eschew the "hootin' and hollerin' and carryin' on" that the nigra churchs are so fond of. What the Lord blesses, Lateefah, is quiet nigras who work hard, pray hard, spend much time reading the KJV1611, and who tithe regularly to the Lord's favorite church, Landover Baptist.

[Talitha]

Re: How y'all is?

YO-MAMMA!!
Praise-de-Lord!!
You must be related to that nice Nigerian Nigra Gentleman who keeps sending me emails telling me that he has money for me?
If I give you my Bank details as he has asked for, can you pass them on please?
He is Mr.Moses Odiaka. He works in the credit and accounts department of Union Bank of Nigeria Plc, Lagos, Nigeria.
I have to be quick, there is $18.5 Million and Praise Jesus© I'm the only living benefactor!!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: How y'all is?

Hello Leetefah,

Please excuse me while I bring my pies in from the windowsill.

Lve, Sister Thumper

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: How y'all is?

I thank all y'all for y'all welcomes. I has read over half that stuff Remy wrote and it look like truth to me! Praise Jesus! I had to give it a break because too much readin' make my head hurt. I'll give it another look tomorrow, though!

You strike me as very wise for a black lady and are correct to eschew the "hootin' and hollerin' and carryin' on" that the nigra churchs are so fond of. What the Lord blesses, Lateefah, is quiet nigras who work hard, pray hard, spend much time reading the KJV1611, and who tithe regularly to the Lord's favorite church, Landover Baptist.

Thank you for your kind comments, sir! I loves me some workin', I loves me some prayin', I reads the KJV1611 lots (I don't know what it be sayin', but that's why I come to this place!), and I gots some gubment moneys gonna helps me with the tithing! PRAISE THE LORD! So I think I's gonna get along here just fine!

You must be related to that nice Nigerian Nigra Gentleman who keeps sending me emails telling me that he has money for me?
If I give you my Bank details as he has asked for, can you pass them on please?
He is Mr.Moses Odiaka. He works in the credit and accounts department of Union Bank of Nigeria Plc, Lagos, Nigeria.
I have to be quick, there is $18.5 Million and Praise Jesus© I'm the only living benefactor!!

You know what? I has just found out the most shocking thing behind that! I was just a chile when I was over there in that country, but my ole Auntie knows just about everybody over there (except for those she has cut off on account of them catching that unholy disease!) But I axed her do she know that man and she told me to check the internets and see if he was one of them people that had caught the AIDS! So I checked up on his name and it turn out that that man be tryin' to defraudulate you! It say so on this webpage:

http://potifos.com/fraud/2005-06-03.html

I guess the debbil will go to any end to try to attack Jesus's chillrens! That man probably do have the AIDS and he probably lashing out at good Christian folks in his anger! Ain't gonna get him nowhere but a hot seat in Hell! Praise Jesus!

Hello Leetefah,

Please excuse me while I bring my pies in from the windowsill.

Lve, Sister Thumper

Oh! Bless yo heart, you slavin' over them pies over there! If you ever needs a pie to be made, you jus' give me a call! I be more than happy to make a pie for you, or do yo dishes, or whatever you needs to have done. I can watch yo chillrens if you need me to do that, too! I loves me some work! Sometimes I think workin' was the sole reason Jesus put me on this earth! That and praisin' His glurry of course! God bless y'all!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: How y'all is?

Oh! Bless yo heart, you slavin' over them pies over there! If you ever needs a pie to be made, you jus' give me a call! I be more than happy to make a pie for you, or do yo dishes, or whatever you needs to have done. I can watch yo chillrens if you need me to do that, too! I loves me some work! Sometimes I think workin' was the sole reason Jesus put me on this earth! That and praisin' His glurry of course! God bless y'all!

Oh Glory Sister Leetfah. You sound like a fine Sister indeed! You know your place! Unlike the other uppity nigresses around here.

Say, I do indeed need some work done around my house. Can you come over tomorrow, say around 9:30 am?

GOD knows it's hard to find good workers around here lately.

Enthusiastic, Sister Thumper

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: How y'all is?

Oh Glory Sister Leetfah. You sound like a fine Sister indeed! You know your place! Unlike the other uppity nigresses around here.

Say, I do indeed need some work done around my house. Can you come over tomorrow, say around 9:30 am?

GOD knows it's hard to find good workers around here lately.

Enthusiastic, Sister Thumper

Praise the Lord! I was just lookin' for somethin' for my idle hands to do and the Lord has answered my prayers before I even got around to prayin' 'em! Ain't that somethin'? Glory to God! It sure is kind of you to welcomes me into your home like that to allow me to makes myself useful! God bless you, Sister Thumper! I will definitely be there!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: How y'all is?

Sister Lateefah,

You did a FABULOUS job today. Why, I haven't seen anyone polish silerware like that ever in my life. What a glorious addition to my staff.

Thank you so much for coming to work with me!

BTW, I love your hairdoo and threw in an exta $20 in for a tip today so you can go to the beauty shop on your day off to get it tweaked.

Delighted, Sister Thumper

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: How y'all is?

Sister Lateefah,

You did a FABULOUS job today. Why, I haven't seen anyone polish silerware like that ever in my life. What a glorious addition to my staff.

Thank you so much for coming to work with me!

Why, thank you for your kind comments! And you is most welcome, any time. I thoroughly enjoyded the experience myself. And you was so kind! I don't think I's ever met anybody that nice in my whole life - except for Jesus, of course. PRAISE!

BTW, I love your hairdoo and threw in an exta $20 in for a tip today so you can go to the beauty shop on your day off to get it tweaked.

Oh! Bless yo heart! Just when I thought you couldn't get any nicer, you goes and surprises me! I don't think I's ever spent that much money on my hair in my whole life. Thank you so much! This gonna be a pamperin' I ain't never gonna forgets! Glory to God!

Delighted, Sister Thumper

Next time I come over, I's gonna bring some of my famous fried chicken and watermelon casserole to thank you for yo kindness. I promise that you hasn't ever tasted anything like it! It's delicious, but Jesus done made all the chickens and the watermelons, so all the glurry goes to Him! PRAISE!

[Remy Lebeau]

Re: How y'all is?

Hello to all y'all!

My name be Lateefah Yomama. It be a African name, and as you probably already know, I's black. I'll give you a little bit of my history here, but I'll try not to make it too long, alright?

I was born in a country that I can't say its name because it's such a bad word, but I'll put a little map of it here for y'all so you know what I is talkin' about!





So dat's where I was born. My Auntie had took me out of there and brought me to America when I was really little because a homosessal had gone over there and started touching people and had gave them all the AIDS! They still have not gotten over that to this day! So my Auntie had rescued me before I could catch that nastiness.

So that explain why I's in America today. All my life I has been lookin' for the right church. I went to a church with other black folk for the longest time, but they was just hootin' and hollerin' and carryin' on and generally actin' ignant up in there. I didn't ever learn anything about Jesus! I axed them why they was celebratin' if they ain't ever gonna talk about WHAT they was celebratin', and they just tell me I need to close my mouth! Shoot. I was done with them ignoranuses after that!

So after I left that church I had been reading the King Jame 1611 Bible, which is the only book I had ever bothered to read my whole life. But Laaaaawd, I did not know what that thing was sayin'! I said that I needed to find some white folk that explains all this to me! And what's why I'm here, because I needs to learn about Jesus and I do not know what this book be sayin'!

I had read up on y'all on y'all's website and I saw that y'all like George Bush. I knew y'all was a good church when I saw that, because that man was put in power by Jesus Himself! He be the only President I have been able to understood, like when he had said, "Rarely is the question [axed], 'Is our children learning?'" Oh.. praise! I has been waitin' so long for a President that could relates to the people! Bill Clinton was a racist buttface... you din't see Condomleeza or Colored Powells around when that man was in power!

So that's who I is, and I was just wonderin' how y'all feels about black folk and does y'all welcome them into y'all congregation?

Thanks and may the Lawd bless you and yours!

Nigras of all shades from mulatto pinkish-brown, butter caramel, and even tar baby abysmal blackness are definitely welcome. We welcome all those who accept Jesus as their Lord and Master.

Wow, it is quite the event. An actual African American gracing the steps of Freehold to embrace True Christiandom. I wouldn't have even thought you people from the dark continent had souls, but apparently those white Afrikaans have been busy spreading holy seed throughout Nigerdom.

You should stop by the university and pick a pamphlet for the Ex-Negro Academy. Classes will be starting in July. We'll just need your financial paperwork in order to see which campus your eligible to attend and to set you up on an appropriate tithing schedule.

Tell us more about yourself. How many kids do you have? How many fathers? Are you getting a governemtn check for each of them? Can you tap dance? Did you drop out of school when you had your first niglet or did you get your G.E.D.?

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: How y'all is?

Nigras of all shades from mulatto pinkish-brown, butter caramel, and even tar baby abysmal blackness are definitely welcome. We welcome all those who accept Jesus as their Lord and Master.

Wow, it is quite the event. An actual African American gracing the steps of Freehold to embrace True Christiandom. I wouldn't have even thought you people from the dark continent had souls, but apparently those white Afrikaans have been busy spreading holy seed throughout Nigerdom.

You should stop by the university and pick a pamphlet for the Ex-Negro Academy. Classes will be starting in July. We'll just need your financial paperwork in order to see which campus your eligible to attend and to set you up on an appropriate tithing schedule.

Tell us more about yourself. How many kids do you have? How many fathers? Are you getting a governemtn check for each of them? Can you tap dance? Did you drop out of school when you had your first niglet or did you get your G.E.D.?

Oh, bless yo heart for givin' me that kind invitation like that! I definitely will be goin' over there to get me a pamphlet and give y'all all the information y'all need. Them classes does sound very interesting and informative!

And ooooooo, that almost done gave me a fright when you started askin' me about my babies and my baby daddies! I don't even recall tellin' anybody here about my chillrens... the Holy Spirit musta revealed that to you! PRAISE! I do have ten chillrens, each one from a different daddy. They names is Listerine, Maybelline, Jimmy Dean, Jesusetta, Shakalaka, Lamar, Rashad, Crisco, Ty Lennol, and little Sambo. That was back in my unsaved days when I had had all them kids... like I said, I had went to that church where they was just hootin' and carryin' on, so I honestly din't know no better. I was just plum ignant! I thank the LORD that I's saved now, though, because I just wouldn't have no energy for no child bearin' or sinful activities nowadays! Just housework and yard work, that's all I've got energy for. Thank Jesus for that!

And yes, I do get checks for all of my chillrens. I haven't seen Shakalaka or Jimmy Dean in the longest time... last time I saw those two chillrens, they was playin' some haunted house game with some white boys all dressed up like ghosts. I figure y'all know more about that game than I do because you haves this little emotorcons of it: I have no idea where them chillrens is at, but I's still gettin' the checks for 'em! Thank ya, LORD! If they ever get hongry or get tired of actin' ignant, they know where I is, but otherwise, I ain't gonna fret over 'em. Shoot, I gots enough to worry about without dwellin' over what mischief they gettin' they little monkey lookin' behinds into. I know thass right.

I used to tap dance, but I don't know if I still able to.. hold on... yep, I done did just tried it out, and I still got it! Praise Jesus! I think I was in the 6th grade when I had my first chile, and I had dropped out of school to take care of him. He's pretty much growed up now, but he's reeeeeal ignant. He gots that... what's it called... mental retredation. Can't even dress hisself, so all the littler chillrens dresses him up and takes care of him. My old Auntie takes care of all them chillrens whenever I's out workin' for white folk. Bless her heart! She so helpful.

Well, I hopes I has answered all yo questions in a sattisfacty manner. If you haves any more questions, I be happy to answer thems as well. I sure is lookin' forward to takin' them godly classes! Praise! God bless y'all!