Hello My Brethren (I Hope)

[Ray-Nathan Cleburne]

I am new to these forums but I've been lurking for some time now and my heart is so full that I can't bare to be silent no longer.

I have not had Fellowship for some time now as I was kicked out of my last church. I won't mention their name but it rhymes with Best Bureau Vaptist Church. They were good people but we got in a dispute over Doctrine.

They were saying that GOD hates fags and I disagreed because I said fags are hateful to GOD and theres a difference. Its hard to explain on paper but I have it straight in my head. When you hate something its because you don't have complete power over it. So GOD cannot hate anything because HE'S omnipotent. Only you can be hateful to GOD and you will be Smited.

Do you hate the mosquito on your arm? No you Smite it because its hateful to your arm. You don't give it a second thought because its a hateful insignificant disease filled bloodsucking bag of hate and unnatural need.

Anyways they kicked me out over Doctrine and I've been terribly lonely out here by the Old Ski Area. And my job, where I sex chikens all day (don't laugh please its a real job). I hope some of you will look kindly on me just lurking on the boards and asking questions occasionally.

I have an AK-47 if theres anyone else who has one, and I'm pretty good at field stripping it from all the practice. So if anyones concerned about the One World Government we can talk about that.

Yours in the One True American Christian* Faith

-Ray-Nathan

*someone has to show me how to do the tee-em and the r with the circle around it.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Hello My Brethren (I Hope)

What Church did you attend? Maybe we can reach a settlement with them. Our Pastors have done that in the past. I recommend giving the name, phone number, and contact person at this church.

Welcome too.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello My Brethren (I Hope)

Welcome to God's favorite forum. Please tell us about yourself, and the path you have been treading. It sounds like a colorful one.

You haven't mentioned what Scripture lead you to take up against your Church and your Pastor. I'd be very interested in what lead to your Shunning. Maybe if you send me your Pastor's name and phone number I can give him a call and see what's what.

You might want to review the following verses, in which God commands you to obey Pastor's orders.

Romans 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.

I hope things work out for you. Please review our Church Doctrines HERE, so that you will gain a better understanding of Landover Baptist Church and our Divine Mission.

[Ray-Nathan Cleburne]

Re: Hello My Brethren (I Hope)

Thank you Pastor Ezekial, Mr. Jones. I am 36 and was brought up by my heathen manic/aggressive mother and her various alcoholic boyfriends.

I was the worst of sinners though I am still a "virgin" until one day about 3 years ago Our Lord entered my heart and told me to get saved before it was too late. After that I followed the Westboro Baptist Church out of Topeka Kansas. The Pastor is Rev. Fred Phelps (785) 273-0325.

I myself am from Peoples Republic of Jooo York, but the good folks (I still maintain that they're good despite our differences) at WBC often bring their witnessing to the hellbound of our unholy Liebrul state.

It was at the Flight 3407 funeral protest in Buffalo this year over some Negro-loving Harlot or other who helped the Beast Obama forge his American citizenship when I displayed my mosquito-swatting theory a little too roughly with my sign and it was on one of Rev. Phelps neices.

Her husband didn't appreciate me correcting her like that in public and without his permission and word got back to Topeka and I was out.

Also they hate Our Troops, I think.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello My Brethren (I Hope)

Old man Phelps put you out? What on earth did you say to rile him up? I know the old coot is getting soft in his dotage, but it's hard to imagine them shunning you for no reason.

What Scripture do you have that claims that God doesn't hate the sodomites?

Your story doesn't quite add up, friend.

[David Goldman]

Re: Hello My Brethren (I Hope)

Hello, Ray.

It sounds like you have some anger management issues, as well as problems submitting to authority.

Does you place of employment offer an option for religious based outpatient counseling?

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: Hello My Brethren (I Hope)

I am of some concern here.

Scripture is replete of all manner of things God hates. So we are looking at a potential heresy here.


Additionally, this disordered thinking about homerism and your expulsion from Westboro has raised a flag in my mind that you might be an unrepentant and insufficiently repressed homersixual.