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  • askjesus
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Dec 2009
    • 2

    #1

    Hows it going, all?

    Hey there everybody! I found this site after after an insomniac induced-web search led me inevitably to this website, and to these forums. Through those hallowed few hours, I learned that love and hate CAN flourish in a good church, that all my days of living a sinner on the web was over. I found internet church religion. I found Landover. I mean, it was just right there, so clear, and in my ludicrous state I might have thought it was just some really clever inside joke. Can you imagine that!? Hahaha. Oh..but it's real, as real as you, me, and Jesus himself.

    Let me get started by telling you that I love the site. So many pages filled with JESUS approved material, for the true JESUS lover that I hope to become. I wonder if the big man himself doesn't visit these GODLY forums! I mean, I'm really just agnostic, in the throes as they say. But that's something a small case of JESUS-JUICE couldn't fix.

    ...

    Several things got my attention with this splendid website, things like:

    -The store sold some really great things for a church. Really great things.
    -Some pages, like the page for sexual advice for men, and the history of the church, had some pretty decent material that I found very helpful.
    -The english/japanese ads at the bottom of the page really have vibrant and bright JESUS approved colors. A++.
    -The town of Freehold must be so divine and pure, that it must be the best place on Earth.
    -While reading through some of the information regarding the website itself, I felt the Spirit of GOD moving through me!

    Well, I truthfully won't be so active, but I do hope to stick around and read abit more. I might even buy membership, I heard it's the cheapest way to save yourself. Well, thats all for now. To other new members joining, enjoy your stay here, and always make sure you know who your talking to, because many long-time members here are alot more holy then you may imagine.
  • Noah Dint
    True Christian™
    • Dec 2009
    • 695

    #2
    Re: Hows it going, all?

    "for the true JESUS lover that I hope to become...."

    Are you not Saved™ sir?

    Are you not already a true Jesus lover?

    -ND

    Comment

    • Bob4God
      Moderator
      Arms Dealer for CHRIST
      Hands folded for Jesus
       
      • Apr 2008
      • 5274

      #3
      Re: Hows it going, all?

      I can see that you are caught in the cosmic struggle between GOD and satan right now.

      It seems you know what is right and what you should do, but you are unwilling to leave behind your life of perverted escapades and GOD-hating.

      CHRIST is coming back, very soon. I hope you make the right decision.
      sigpic
      The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
      - Proverbs 15:3

      CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


      CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


      Comment

      • askjesus
        Unsaved trash
        Under Investigation
        • Dec 2009
        • 2

        #4
        Re: Hows it going, all?

        Dear Sir, I must confess that I am still a sinner, roused out of painful slumber by a life without the Lord. I have only read the Bible once, and wish to change my ways. Through rigorous Bible-study, thorough research about how we evolved straight from the love of Jesus, and maybe a pre-paid sin card, I hope to evolve into a better man.

        Comment

        • Bob4God
          Moderator
          Arms Dealer for CHRIST
          Hands folded for Jesus
           
          • Apr 2008
          • 5274

          #5
          Re: Hows it going, all?

          Originally posted by askjeevs View Post
          Dear Sir, I must confess that I am still a sinner, roused out of painful slumber by a life without the Lord. I have only read the Bible once, and wish to change my ways. Through rigorous Bible-study, thorough research about how we evolved straight from the love of Jesus, and maybe a pre-paid sin card, I hope to evolve into a better man.
          Excuse me, but there is no such thing as evolution! We did not "evolve" from JESUS, He crafted us in the Holy Mud of Heaven, which He then breathed into!

          I will not infract you since you are obviously from a very filthy background and have a long way to go.
          sigpic
          The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
          - Proverbs 15:3

          CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


          CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


          Comment

          • Rev Jeffrey Lebowski
            Forum Member
            Forum Member
            • Oct 2009
            • 160

            #6
            Re: Hows it going, all?

            Originally Posted by askjeevs I mean, I'm really just agnostic, in the throes as they say.
            Welcome!

            Your problem ....
            You are an agnostic.

            Agnostics are spiritually constipated.
            Your path to heaven is clogged with a doubt that maybe you gotta go, maybe not yet.

            You need a holy laxative, and that is where Landover Church comes in.
            This place can release the cr*p of your sins right into the toilet bowl of Grace.

            Come, sit on the seat of eternal blessing .... strain hard with us friend ... we look forward to helping you wipe your sins away.

            Rev Jeffrey Lebowski
            Sister Verna Too {she thinks atheist are around to give agnostics someone to look down on}

            Comment

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