Hello

[Bocephus]

Praise Jesus!

A few days ago a veritable miracle happened while surfing the web for my church newsletter. In gathering examples of Christian persecution in the liberal flogosphere, the very hand of God guided me to this wonderful and blessed site. Let me shout it again! PRAISE JESUS!!

My name is Bocephus and I live in Akron, Ohio. While hardly as pure and Godly as Freehold, what with all the nigras and hindoos here, there are enough God-fearing brethren of the GOP to keep the entire state from sliding into a liberal commie hell-on-earth. I live here with my darling, obedient wife Jessie and our two little soldiers-for-Christ named Austin and Dustin. As a family we regularly witness to the unrepentant savages at the nearby university.

Though I love my church (Baptist of course), I still have felt somehow isolated in my convictions that it is the entire Bible that is unfaltering and true, not just the kibbles and bits that some like to select for convenience and practicality. Who are they to pick and choose from God's loving threats and admonishments? Will they be able to select as from a menu which torments they receive for not accepting the Lord's every word? "Hmmm, I think I’ll start with the blowtorch to the eyeballs, followed by a course of anal rape with a flaming baseball bat." No brothers and sisters, the only true version is the KJV1611. Every word of it! This explains my overwhelming joy in being shepherded to this site by Jesus Himself - to know that I am not alone in these beliefs and that we will prevail as we sit with Him in everlasting glory, while the foolish and unclean burn forever! I can only pray that you will welcome me into your righteous fold. Glory to God!

Bocephus

[Sailor Chaos (On Moderation)]

Re: Hello

Well, Bocephus, welcome to the Landover forums! You sure seem like and interesting character! So, look around, kickback, relax, play some Halo 2. I brought nacho cheese doritios for everyone! Just make sure to wipe your hands if your gonna read my comic books (I brought some too!)
_G
party up in here!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Hello

Praise Jesus!

A few days ago a veritable miracle happened while surfing the web for my church newsletter. In gathering examples of Christian persecution in the liberal flogosphere, the very hand of God guided me to this wonderful and blessed site. Let me shout it again! PRAISE JESUS!!

My name is Bocephus and I live in Akron, Ohio. While hardly as pure and Godly as Freehold, what with all the nigras and hindoos here, there are enough God-fearing brethren of the GOP to keep the entire state from sliding into a liberal commie hell-on-earth. I live here with my darling, obedient wife Jessie and our two little soldiers-for-Christ named Austin and Dustin. As a family we regularly witness to the unrepentant savages at the nearby university.

Though I love my church (Baptist of course), I still have felt somehow isolated in my convictions that it is the entire Bible that is unfaltering and true, not just the kibbles and bits that some like to select for convenience and practicality. Who are they to pick and choose from God's loving threats and admonishments? Will they be able to select as from a menu which torments they receive for not accepting the Lord's every word? "Hmmm, I think I’ll start with the blowtorch to the eyeballs, followed by a course of anal rape with a flaming baseball bat." No brothers and sisters, the only true version is the KJV1611. Every word of it! This explains my overwhelming joy in being shepherded to this site by Jesus Himself - to know that I am not alone in these beliefs and that we will prevail as we sit with Him in everlasting glory, while the foolish and unclean burn forever! I can only pray that you will welcome me into your righteous fold. Glory to God!

Bocephus

Praise Jesus for guiding you here! And I can't apologise enough for the fact that the first reply to your post was from a tedious, furry, Jap-wannabe. But we can always use more righteous Soldiers For Christ, and I have every faith that, given time, you will become a valued member of our Christian community, not to mention a first-rate tither!
GLORY!

[Miss Hikari]

Re: Hello

Hi as Well! I'm Hikari! Well my First name is Adrienne, but I'd prefer if you called me Hikari. Landover is a nice place minus the fundies, and I hope you have a very nice time here! I really do think you will judging by your first post... *sniff*

By the way, Chaos-chan, can I have some Doritos? *drools*\
I'll trade you a Moon Pie? Please? Pretty Please with sugar? *puppy dog eyes*

[Sailor Chaos (On Moderation)]

Re: Hello

Of course Hii. Also, I'm not a "Jap-wannabe", I just like BSSM. I actually prefer Marvel and american comics anyday over manga.
Ah, don't listen to Tempy, he's just grouchy by nature! Looking forward to seeing you elsewhere!
_G

[SUV]

Re: Hello

He has Risen! HE has Risen! HANK WILLIAMS, JR. HAS RISEN!!!!!

And there I hadn't even known that he was Dead yet. Why doesn't anyone ever tell me about all this stuff?

[Miss Hikari]

Re: Hello

Of course Hii. Also, I'm not a "Jap-wannabe", I just like BSSM. I actually prefer Marvel and american comics anyday over manga.
Ah, don't listen to Tempy, he's just grouchy by nature! Looking forward to seeing you elsewhere!
_G

As a tiny side note Chaos, do realized that knowing Landover, they will make BDSM comments off of that, so be careful. (why I bolded that) *flounces away* And thanks for the Doritos!
-Hii

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello

Praise Jesus!

A few days ago a veritable miracle happened while surfing the web for my church newsletter. In gathering examples of Christian persecution in the liberal flogosphere, the very hand of God guided me to this wonderful and blessed site. Let me shout it again! PRAISE JESUS!!

Welcome to God's favorite forum, sir. I know that Jesus has called you here to put you and your family firmly on the Path of Righteousness. I hope you will enjoy your stay. Feel free to read through the many threads here and ask questions when so inspired. And do watch your step; These pages are infested with unsaved scum (such as the perverts you've seen here already), and they will say or do anything to convince unwary souls to join their dark campaign.

Just keep praising Jesus and pay them no mind.

[Bocephus]

Re: Hello

Praise Jesus for guiding you here! And I can't apologise enough for the fact that the first reply to your post was from a tedious, furry, Jap-wannabe. But we can always use more righteous Soldiers For Christ, and I have every faith that, given time, you will become a valued member of our Christian community, not to mention a first-rate tither!
GLORY!

Kind words Brother Temperance, kind words…I thank you sincerely. Indeed I hope that in time I can contribute to God’s Favorite Forum as He would see fit. The tithing regimen is being set up as we speak.

Oh, and no apologies needed for the odd introduction from the little Sailor Chaos girl. The slopes and their shinto-fueled resistance to the Lord’s word can be annoying at times, but the degree to which they have infested U.S. campuses has given me plenty of experience in ministering to their kind. I simply have to shout louder as they pass. Those who simply emulate the yellow folk are usually even less of a challenge.

Once again, thank you kindly.

[Sailor Chaos (On Moderation)]

Re: Hello

Why does everyone assume I'm a girl? And I'm not an anime or Japanese fan, really. Shinto? Not that either.
But oh well.

[Bocephus]

Re: Hello

Of course Hii. Also, I'm not a "Jap-wannabe", I just like BSSM. I actually prefer Marvel and american comics anyday over manga.
Ah, don't listen to Tempy, he's just grouchy by nature! Looking forward to seeing you elsewhere!
_G

Dear Chaos,

I thank you for your words of welcome, however it is not clear whether you have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into your heart. I'm not quite sure what BSSM means, but if it involves black leather, chains, and assorted vegetables, then it's probably safe to assume that you haven't. Likewise if your avatar is any measure, your wild untamed hair and excessive eye shadow simply make Jesus weep. Please stop this wickedness and accept His love...NOW. Comic books, manga, and Doritos will be difficult to score in hell!

Bocephus

[Bocephus]

Re: Hello

He has Risen! HE has Risen! HANK WILLIAMS, JR. HAS RISEN!!!!!

And there I hadn't even known that he was Dead yet. Why doesn't anyone ever tell me about all this stuff?

Yes, 'tis true that my parents named me after the great Hank Jr. (peace and blessings be upon him). Apparently they were quite the fans at the time, before he went rock-a-billy and Monday Night Football. To this day my brothers and sisters insist that I was conceived with his music playing in the background, which only adds to the deep kinship I feel for the man (but not in any homo way of course). God bless.

[Bocephus]

Re: Hello

Welcome to God's favorite forum, sir. I know that Jesus has called you here to put you and your family firmly on the Path of Righteousness. I hope you will enjoy your stay. Feel free to read through the many threads here and ask questions when so inspired. And do watch your step; These pages are infested with unsaved scum (such as the perverts you've seen here already), and they will say or do anything to convince unwary souls to join their dark campaign.

Just keep praising Jesus and pay them no mind.

Thank you Pastor Ezekiel for those very kind words. I will certainly pass them along to my family (I allow neither my children nor my wife to use the Internet). After reading several threads, it is clear that you and many of the others in this forum are very knowledgeable of Scripture. I have a lot to learn.

Your brother in Christ,
Bocephus

[Sailor Chaos (On Moderation)]

Re: Hello

Dear Chaos,
I thank you for your words of welcome, however it is not clear whether you have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into your heart. I'm not quite sure what BSSM means, but if it involves black leather, chains, and assorted vegetables, then it's probably safe to assume that you haven't. Likewise if your avatar is any measure, your wild untamed hair and excessive eye shadow simply make Jesus weep. Please stop this wickedness and accept His love...NOW. Comic books, manga, and Doritos will be difficult to score in hell!
Bocephus

ROFL That's not actually me silly. And BSSM is NOT BDSM. Ew.

[Miss Hikari]

Re: Hello

ROFL That's not actually me silly. And BSSM is NOT BDSM. Ew.

Told ya. *flounces off*