[Unsaved and Loving It]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

So now I'm the Dark Lord? Huh. What an interesting turn of events. Although I was expecting the hordes of the damned to be serving my every whim... Oh well. The Dark Lord himself has infiltrated the gateway to god then. Pastor BJ must really be falling behind these days!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

Too Long, Only Read interesting bits. And can I say, your views, quite frankly, make me wish to vomit with rage.

Praise Jesus, Brother Jeb DOES know how to rattle satan's cage and pull his thorny tail. GLORY!!

[Unsaved and Loving It]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

Too Long, Only Read interesting bits. And can I say, your views, quite frankly, make me wish to vomit with rage.

[Old Iron Crotch]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

Jeb, you're the funniest Landovite yet.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

PS Remember me?

Er, yes, my brother told me about the warm welcome you gave him on New Year's Eve. My brother looks a lot like me, but I'm afraid he has not been touched quite as much by the lord. I must apologize for his - actually, we'd better discuss this in person.

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

PRAISE THE LORD!

I han't been able to read all o' that, on account that after five minutes, it had started to confuseded me. I is just a woman after all - a colored one at that.

But what I had read had done did made me do a tapdance fo' the LORD! At least, until my feets started hurtin' too much from the Godly discipline my husband had gaveded me last night. And I gotsa say a big THANK YOU to Sista Thumper. You was right, nobody had noticeded durrin' Bible Study. Praise!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

That's..uhh..certainly interesting, Mr Thurmond. And long. Very, very long.

[SUV]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

Oh.my.GOD, Brother Thurmond! You've got to be having laryngitis of the fingertips!!!

What else can I say but, Welcome Back!!!

PS Remember me?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

PRAISE!!! With all the witches and sodomites we've been getting lately, I'm weeping with joy that we have someone on the side of righteousness who is so strong in the Lord! God bless you, Mr. Thurmond! Bless you! I am feeling positively ENERGIZED with the Holy Spirit now!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

ON CATS:

I hope someday we can ban cats. Have you ever seen then "wash" themselves? When a cat dies, don't tell a kid it's in kitty heaven, because there's no such thing, only a kitty HELL. Perverts with rough tounges, that's what cats are.

ON UNSAVED TRASH SHOWING UP WITH A MILLION QUESTIONS:

#1 Why do you hate America?
#2 Why do you hate America?
#3 Why do you hate America?
#4 Why do you hate America?

ON LAURA BUSH AND FIRST WIVES:

"And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart” (1 Kings 11:1-3).

By the way, when do we hurry up and present George W Bush with his 700 wives and 300 concubines? Or do we have to wait until after he's re-re-elected in 2008? (Can you tell I'm getting just a little impatient?)

ON ZOOLOGY:

How to test if a scientist is telling the truth.

Brothers, in this age of the agenda-oriented scientific community, with their absurd theories about "evolution" and "gay genes" and "sex education working" and "contraception resulting in less abortions" etc. etc. etc. on and on, it gets hard to find people who are not just repeating democratic party talking points, and it gets nearly impossible to find scientists who are actually looking for the truth.

Well, here is our answer, our way to separate the wheat from the chaff, to separate the real scientists from the Christian-hating nazi bigots.

TEST

Question #1: Do you believe in dragons?

A. No. Those only exist in fairy tales and fantasy books.
B. Unless you mean dinosaurs or big lizards on the galapogos islands, no.
C. Of course Dragons exist, and we know all about them, from the sound of their voice, to how they eat, to their color and the habitats where they live.

Question #2: Do you believe in Unicorns?

A. No. Only little girls believe in those.
B. Yes, we know about their agility and their magic horns, which they sometimes have two of.

Question #3: Do you believe in Giants?

A. Some people grow big, but there's no such thing as a race of giants.
B. Yes, we can pinpoint the Valley Of The Giants on a map, in fact we even know who their king was.

Question #3: Do you believe in magic spells?

A. Of course not. That's only fairy tales and video games.
B. Spells are nothing but the placebo effect in action.
C. Yes, with spells one can do many things, including talking to the dead and even controlling entire empires.

Answers:

Question #1: Do you believe in dragons?

Correct answer: Of course Dragons exist, and we know all about them, from the sound of their voice, to how they eat, to their color and the habitats where they live.

http://www.biblegateway.com/topical/topica...urce=2&tid=7704

On Dragons:

Often of a red colour (Revelations 12:3)
Its mournful voice alluded to (Micah 1:8)
Its wailing alluded to (Micah 1:8)
Its snuffing up the air alluded to (Jeremiah 14:6)
Its swallowing of its prey alluded to (Jeremiah 51:34)
A species of, in rivers (Psalms 74:13; Isaiah 27:1)
Of the devil . (Poison of,) of wine (Deuteronomy 32:33)
DESCRIBED AS » Powerful (Revelations 12:4)
DESCRIBED AS » Poisonous (Deuteronomy 32:33)
DESCRIBED AS » Of solitary habits (Job 30:29)
FOUND IN » The wilderness (Malachi 1:3)
FOUND IN » Deserted cities (Isaiah 13:22; Jeremiah 9:11)
FOUND IN » Dry places (Isaiah 34:13;43:20)
ILLUSTRATIVE » Of cruel and persecuting kings (Isaiah 27:1;51:9; Ezekiel 29:3)
ILLUSTRATIVE » Of enemies of the church (Psalms 9:13)
ILLUSTRATIVE » Of wicked men (Psalms 44:19)
ILLUSTRATIVE » Of the devil (Revelations 13:2;20:2,7)

Question #2: Do you believe in Unicorns?

Correct answer: Yes, we know about their agility and their magic horns, which they sometimes have two of.

http://www.biblegateway.com/topical/topica...urce=2&tid=8128

Sometimes found with two horns (Deuteronomy 33:17)
Of the wicked . (Horns of,) of the strength of the descendants of Joseph (Deuteronomy 33:17)
Of the wicked . (Horns of,) of the strength of the descendants of Joseph . (Horns of,) of the strength of powerful enemies (Psalms 22:21)
The young of, remarkable for agility (Psalms 29:6)
Generally had a single horn (Psalms 92:10)
Of the wicked . (Horns of,) of the strength of the descendants of Joseph . (Horns of,) of the strength of powerful enemies . (The position of its horns,) of the exaltation of saints (Psalms 92:10)
DESCRIBED AS » Intractable in disposition (Job 39:9,10,12)
DESCRIBED AS » Of vast strength (Job 39:11)
ILLUSTRATIVE » Of God as the strength of Israel (Numbers 23:22;24:8)
ILLUSTRATIVE » Of the wicked (Isaiah 34:7)

Question #3: Do you believe in Giants?

Correct answer: Yes, in fact we even know who there king was, and where they lived.

http://www.biblegateway.com/topical/topica...urce=2&tid=8015

The last of, destroyed by David and his warriors (1 Samuel 17:4,49,50; 2 Samuel 21:15-22)
Subdued by Chedorlaomer (Genesis 14:5)
Og the king of Bashan was of (Joshua 13:12)
Dwelt in Canaan (Joshua 17:15)
THE VALLEY OF » A border of Judah (Joshua 15:8)
THE VALLEY OF » Was exceedingly fruitful (Isaiah 17:5)
THE VALLEY OF » David obtained victories over the Philistines in (2 Samuel 5:18,25)

Question #3: Do you believe in magic spells?

Correct Answer: Yes, with spells one can do many things, including talking to the dead and even controlling entire empires.

Deuteronomy 18:11
"...or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead."

Isaiah 47:9
"Both of these will overtake you in a moment, on a single day: loss of children and widowhood. They will come upon you in full measure,
in spite of your many sorceries and all your potent spells."

Isaiah 47:12
"Keep on, then, with your magic spells and with your many sorceries, which you have labored at since childhood."

Micah 5:12
"I will destroy your witchcraft and you will no longer cast spells."

Revelation 18:23

"By your magic spell all the nations were led astray."

There we have it. Anyone who ridicules belief in dragons, magic spells, giants, and unicorns, is commiting a HATE CRIME.

By skillfully asking scientists, professors, teachers, doctors, if they believe in unicorns, we can root out these hate-criminals and have them dismissed from their jobs to prevent them from spreading their poison.

We make children recite "one nation under God", but that's not doing enough to prevent the spread of sinfullness, thus I suggest "One nation under God that believes in unicorns". Any student who giggles can thus be expelled.

Same with holding the hand over a Bible in court. There is still far too much crime in this nation. It should be "I swear to tell the truth [etc] So help me God, and I believe in Unicorns." Being in a court, it will be easy enough to have the defendant hooked up to a lie detector when they say this. Anyone who can't pass that test obviously has no morals, and is therefore clearly guilty.

ON BEATING CHILDREN WITH THE METAL PART OF THE BELT:

You would let YOUR children burn in hell forever while demons slowly peel their skin off and gouge out their eyeballs and pour boiling feces down their throat - and you call US sick? Look what you're doing to YOUR children!

Bruises heal. Why do you think God gave children a separate set of teeth? Because God wants us to give 'em the back of our hands once in a while, sometimes hard enough to knock out a tooth.

(This and thousands of other facts can be learned at the many schools recieving Abstinence-Only Sex Education under Landover Baptist Church's new government contract.)

ON LOCAL WISDOM:

I'm not from Iowa (though "officially" a few hundred of me live there during the election primaries) but in my family the saying either goes "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen because that's a woman's place", or, if you're talking to a woman, "If you can't stand the heat of the kitchen, you're a lesbian and I'm getting a divorce." It depends on which of fathers was saying it.

ON THE QUESTION OF WHETHER WOMEN HAVE SOULS:

Women probably don't have souls, but I hope dearly that they do. Much of the enjoyment of my life is imagining how my ex-wives will feel as they fall into the fit of eternal fire and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn nd burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and brn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burnand burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and buurn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burnand burn andd burn and burrn and bunr and burn and burn and burn and burn and ubrn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burn and burnn and burn and burn and burn and burn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111

That and of course the homosexuals who have made a mokery of marriage, I also hate them truely passionately, the way they want to shove their agenda down childrens throats, always parading in their pride parades all sweaty in their cowboy outfits, with those tight pants of theirs, shaking rythmically to the pumping music, it really gets my blood pressure up. Oh you like being so hot and sweaty just see how hot and sweaty you are as you writhe rythmically in the fires of hell, yeah the flames will lick your tight buttocks and the blood will spurt out of you as your face contorts as you burn adn burn and burn and burn adn burn adn butnr and burn and burn adunr1111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!

ON INCUBI:

Catholics make me sick. My fifth wife was a catholic. When an incubus molested our daughter and her friends during a sleepover she acted as if it was my fault. Way to show gratitude, I stayed up all night beside them with my m16 to catch those demons while all that lazy dumbocrat did was sleep. Then she has the nerve to blame ME?

Beware of these the incubus, they can ruin your marriage almost as badly as homosexuals in San Fransisco can:

http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/incubus.htm

http://www.logoschristian.org/stop/

(Especially important is #6)

http://www.demonbuster.com/incubus.html

ON WOMAN'S WORK:

Most of my spankings are "outsourced" to older siblings for training purposes. Other than spanking, cooking and cleaning, what else does a parent do? Well, the mother cooks, but I only eat beef and beer so none of my wives have ever done a real days work. My sixth wife was the only one with any real skills but not in any sort of profession a Christian would value.

ON JERRY SPRINGER:

I was on two episodes of the Jerry SINNER show, episode #320 My Dad is in the Klan and #132 Abusive Husband on Drugs. Being on that show is like being in some sort of Cuban gulag, I was just about to put a chair through my fourth wife's head when one of his stormtrooper bodyguards pulled us apart. The crowd has shouting Jerry! Jerry! But he wasn't doing anything to set that sinning harlot right, he was just standing there! While that sinful woman disobeyed me!

ON THE TSUNAMI:

And why do all these Tsunamis happen to Asians who reject Jesus? Have you ever heard of a Tsunami in Kansas or Utah or any other God-fearing places? (Let alone Freehold Iowa!)
You dodged the question faster than John Kerry dodging the draft. I gave you a clear question: name a single time a Tsunami has struck in god-fearing Kansas or Utah. Come on. We're waiting.
Perhaps my computer has a virus/demon and I need to update my antivirus/antidemon software, but all I got was a map of the world with those "fault lines" that the agenda oriented scientific community has invented.

Notice that these so called "fault lines" only pass under where sinners live. Yes, this "continental drift" theory is just an attempt to hide the fact that God sends Tsunamis and earthquakes after sinners, and leaves his god-fearing flock alone. Notice sin-filled dens of iniquity like San Fransisco and Hollywood are on these so called "fault lines" - once God sends his wrath (as he did to Frisco back in 1905) the scientists will try to divert attention from the sin that caused the quake, blaming some "tectonic plate" or other nonsense. The only plate I believe in is the one filled with hot beef and cold beer served by the missus when I get home from my business trip, dammit!

I suppose next you'll talk about tornadoes in Oklahoma and such, but those don't kill 100,000 people, he just sends those to test our faith. Notice that whenever a survivor is on the news after a tornado it's always a true believer who can thank god for killing someone other than him.

ON THE TREASURES OF THE VATICAN:

The papists may be greedy, but on one hand I'm glad they at least horde it instead of using it to reward sloth and gluttony like the government does.

I mean, if you pay somebody to be disabled, why should you be surprised if other people drive carelessly? If they crash, they'll get to become independently wealthy and be a burden on everyone else's backs.

Same with widows, if you harlots had done of better job of taking care of your husbands they would not have died.

On the other hand, we're talking about Catholics, and I wouldn't be surprised if the Vatican had a WMD program hidden away somewhere. It sure would be fun liberating the Vatican of its possetions (as well as censoring the disgusting pornographic paintings that are all over the walls and ceilings of that babylon).

ON LIBERALS RE: THE AFTERLIFE:

Pack your burn lotion.

ON KINDERGARTEN:

The libs start the brainwashing right at kindergarten. The first thing they do is talk about "sharing". Same thing with their Sesame Street: always talking about "sharing". SHARING? That's not in the ten commandments! That's communism!

Is it a coincidence that the central tenant of secular kindergarten and sesame street is the same central tenant as COMMUNISM?

ON THE MALE ORGAN:

It is a well-known fact that liberalism and other sins are corelated to the size of a man's member. We all know about the monsterous organ possessed by the negroid species, but not so well-known is the arab genetalia, and most freakish of all is their combination, the Arab Sudanese (Both negro AND arab). The Sudanese Arabs actually invented "jelqing", a method of enlarging the organ, and thus their sin. (Various island cannibals also invented the use of weights to stretch their members to their ankles, but this makes the object in question inneffective, which is fine by me.)

The liberals, with their multicultural obsession, have caught on and now even have forums where the filthy sinners can compare their results, and thus see who is the most sinful.

The incubus, an incarnation of evil straight from hell, has the largest organ of all. It is more like a tentacle, for a while during adolescence I was tormented by a homosexual incubus who could thrust all the way through my digestive system and up into my mouth. The Japanese know all about the incubus, they make animated films about them in which schoolgirls are tormented by the tentacles of the incubus. What a savage, insolent race, to know about the horrors of satan's demons, yet still turn away from CHRIST as he is tormented on the cross!

Hollywood's smut movies are obsessed with large members, hollywood comedies find organs of a deformed size to be humorous, but true believers know that "size matters" in that smaller is better. God intended the penis to plant seed and nothing else - you don't need much at all to do that job. Most animals have tiny ones, in fact, it is the sinful human body that has the largest penis-to-body size ratio.

The sexual act is not for pleasure, it is for making more soldiers and more wives to take care of soldiers, the act is for patriotic and not pleasurable reasons. Godly women know to lie back and think of America. Godly men should be asleep within 3 minutes of penetration. Idealy women should be married at puberty and be constantly pregnant until menopause. Liberals invented infernal devices such as "birth control" (which is meant to be controlled by the LORD) clearly because they wish to engage in sex as if it was some form of entertainment. (The negroid, on the other hand, has a large member for the purpose of inflicting pain.)

The fact that Kinsey and all of the filthy scientists have not dared to make a study measuring political views to penis size is proof that I am correct.

To reproduce, you don't need an organ longer than half an inch anyway. Most animals have miniscule "things". Humans (the only creature to have eaten the fruit and thus become guilty of origional sin) have the largest penis to body size ratios in all of creation. I've heard that there are some organs (owned by democrats, no doubt) that are mutated to freakishly immodest lengths of up to 4 inches. Such an organ is designed for pleasure, not procration, and is thus a spit in the face of God.

Note that in some African arab places it is standard practise to amputate the pleasure-organs of the girls. I think these people could teach atheists a thing or two about how to live (and to think liberals call me intolerant of other cultures! ON THE CONTRARY!)

For those who are squeamish about amputations and such, have heard that by keeping a chinese finger-trap on a boy's "part" during puberty it can prevent his "meat" from growing oversized, though my parents found that for it me that was never necessary.

We need to deal with pornographic movies, which use special effects to create impossible-sized organs, which glorify what in real life would be a deviant mutation.

I've heard that some abstinence-only classes deal with the issue of over-sized organs and the diseases caused by the resulting sexual pleasure. Do Landover Baptist's charter schools teach this? If not, we should start.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

ON THE FUTURE:

Next time you meet some pansy John 3:16 type, challenge him to a contest of faith. Ask him if he believes the apocalypse will come in his lifetime. When he says he belives it, tell him to prove it.

We are the generation that will see the apocalypse. So why don't we act like it for once? Thinking of the "future" is a denial of the Bible, an insult - an adomnation - to God.

Who cares about the national debt? The apocalypse means we'll never have to pay any of it back! Borrowing is a license to print money!

If you ACTUALLY believe in Jesus, take out as big a bank loan as possible and give it to Landover Baptist church and/or the Republican Party. Quit your jobs and become a full-time missionary or Republican Party activist. You can live off your credit card: Visa headquarters is going to be nothing but dust soon according to the Bible.

I'm sure you've already taken your kids out of public school, but who needs school or training at all? Why train someone for working, when there will be no toil in the kingdom of Jesus. I'm sure once the liberal threat is neutralized once and for all the Bush administration will eliminate all universities, schools and training other than prayer practice.

Don't listen to Godless hippies who tell you to eat healthy and exersize and other nonsense. You'll be raptured away from your body soon enough. I eat a plateful of lard-fried meat-fed bacon dipped in fondue every morning after my smoke not because it tastes good, but as a proof of faith.

Feel free to make enemies of anyone you like. Let them plot their revenge. Odds are God will get his revenge on them before they get theirs on you. This is the same as the ingenious foreign affairs strategy used by the Bush administration.

Forget about national parks, museums, old buildings, and other attempts to conserve what will be destroyed very soon. Consider it a pilgrimage to visit the Redwoods on a dry day while chain-smoking. I think we should melt down the liberty bell and cast a statue of Reagan out of it, and anyone who doesn't is an enemy of God.

Bring your sci-fi books to next Sunday's book burning. Talk of the "future" is a denial of the Bible. Science, technology, research and development, all of these are antiChristian and therefore unAmerican. When I hear about high-tech jobs moving to India, I praise Jesus.

Don't ever tolerate Democrats and their "Children are the future" nonsense. THERE IS NO FUTURE.

I laugh at the arrogant generations before us who misread to bible to convince themselves that THEY would have the rapture. They did this especially in the first generation, around 666 AD, 1000AD, and of course 2000 AD which has come and gone. Every generation other than ours has lied about the Bible, claiming that it was their apocalypse. Well guess what, sinners? It's OUR apocalypse! OURS! We get to live through what you guys could only dream about! You'll have to watch OUR apocalypse from the back-row seats - in HELL!

The idiocy of the earlier generations is that they didn't understand that it's our job to get the apocalypse started...

Ask any Christian and they'll tell you that the apocalypse is coming in this generation, and they'll have plenty of evidence (Babylon has fallen, for example, John Kerry the antichrist is here, etc.) to back it up.

Education, savings, conservation in any form is denial of the Biblical truth that the rapture is coming within our lifetimes. Most of our converts since the Tsunami (also in Revelations) have quit their jobs, taken out bank loans to donate to the church, and are living off credit cards, because they will soon be raptured away while all of their earthly debts will be "Left Behind".

That reminds me, you really should read _Left Behind_. Then go to a bank.

ON HUMBLENESS:

Why are you big-city elitists always looking down your noses at us here in "fly-over-land" anyway? Just because we don't come from Jew York or Hollywood you think we're just dirt. We're humble folk. You got that? HUMBLE. We're a million times humbler than you losers in your cities. We're REAL AMERICANS, and you Boston coastal types are NOT. You should be bowing down to us humble folk who built this nation.

We do not use accents, this is the TRUE way to speak english, not your pansy Boston/Frisco accents. We are the TRUE nation, the TRUE language, the TRUE church, and if you don't like it, you can kiss my humble hiney.

ON STONEHENGE:

That reminds me, has anyone gotten around to "neutralizing" that heathen contraption? There's a lot of theories as to what the thing actually does, but whatever it does, it has to bad. The thing is pagan, after all.

There are lots pagan monoliths and such around Europe, maybe that's why it's such a socialist hellhole. Good thing a lot of them were destroyed in the middle ages or who knows what the place would be like today.

Same thing with Egypt: there's a lot of ideas as to what sort of witcraft the Pyramids are designed to do, but seeing as they were made by people who worshipped CATS, I think we should be considering those things to be spiritual WMD.

I heard the most bizarre story the other day, regarding pagan monuments on Easter Island.

When the first christians arrived on Easter island, they found a wasteland of an island with starving barbarians sitting at the base of massive solid stone monuments. When asked how the monuments got there, the barbarians said that they simply walked there.

That makes perfect sense - the pagans created these golems (jewish witchcraft can do the same thing) and God punished them for it, destroying their civilization and laying waste to the land.

But the eco-terrorists are trying to rewrite history now. They claim that the islanders civilization was destroyed because of cutting down trees. Gimme a break. Everyone knows trees cause more pollution than cars, Ronald Reagan told us that.

ON BORN AGAIN BOB GOING TO INDIA:

You are THE bravest man I have ever met. I'm sure you're aware that you are close to "Bollywood", which makes hollywood look like wholesome entertainment by comparism. I mean, your average Bollywood movie is worse than Sex Trek: The Next Penetration, worse than Horny Potter and Her Chamber of Secrets (and I don't recall if that one is even legal), about the same as Wizard of O's and Gay Rectal Rooter #3 in fact, the only movies worse than a Bollywood movie would be Gay Starfish Worship 5 through 9, though even #8 is iffy IMO.

They are inspired by the Karma Suitra, a book with positions that make oral sex look almost morally tolerable by comparism.

As for a name? How about BEEFY'S BURGER BARN! FREE JUICY BACON QUADBURGER WITH EVERY CONVERSION! You don't need to actually give them the burger, because by the time they've converted they will know about the virtues of humbleness and simplicity and voluntary poverty and donating everything to their "Guru" (you).

Have fun, I heard there's a real "flexiable" labor-force there! (If you don't get the pun, check out the Karma Suitra, especially page 12)

ON FAST FOOD:

Fast food is as American as deep-fried apple pie at McDonalds (Ba ba ba ba ba, i'm lovin' it!).

Slow food is treason. I used to make burgers before the communists in the government persecuted me out of business. Everybody who ate my food was healthy, nobody ever got sick. Ever. Ever. And I was breaking all of the government red tape, using green meat, slimey stuff, stuff from the dumpsters behind other restaurants, Humane Society cats and dogs, roadkill, people who donated their bodies to science - and nobody ever got sick, ever. A lot of people masterbated and suffered symptoms as a result, so a bunch of people who touched themselves and got a tummy-ache tried to sue. Good thing I know some good lawyers, better thing Bush has introduced tort reform.

ON FOOD POISONING:

Sick in what way? If it's hairy fingers or "food poisoning" that means you've been touching yourself in innapropriate ways. As proven in a court of law. See Alabama Supreme Court, 4th Ave Elementary VS Thurmond.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

ON STRIPPERS:

I have found that the safest way to go about converting strippers is to separate them from the rabble that is constantly egging them on to commit even lewder acts. It takes peace and quiet for them to hear the voice of the LORD. Hiring them for a private lap-dance is the best way to go about this.

ON TEENAGERS:

Oh, the fun of talking to idealistic kids. Heck, when I was a kid, my political views must have seen nieve and impossible: have fundamentalists dominate government, re-start the crusades, write an act of some type overruling the bill of rights, put a Dynasty of the White House....

But God listened to my prayers and here we are!

You libs make this really easy for us. Always dreaming and squabbling and studying all your books....And you know what the funniest thing is? I merely find you guys amusing, but the guys I pay below minimum wage HATE you!

ON THE CRUSADES:

The first wave of Crusades (the pre-9/11 ones) were a miserable failure. Other than a few Crusader States which were eventually lost, there were no gains, just losses. I blame frenchies and their chivilary.

Now Vlad the Impaler - there's a guy who knows how to fight a war.

ON DEMOLITION DERBY:

You know, every time I go lobbying in Washington I look at the mall and think "what a perfect place for a NASCAR track". Or maybe a drag race, I don't know the exact measurments. The Elipse would be a great place for a huge demolition derby, but the Washington Monument would have to go (the thing is rather obsene anyway). I don't mind tearing down the Smithsonian or that new injun museam, but leave the WW2 memorial, it uses my favorite style of archetecture.

ON THE ENEMY:

The hatred and intolerence of the homosexual/babykiller agenda is unspeakable. Every year less homosexuals commit suicide, meaning more oral sex, more democrats, and more disasters as God has to kill off more and more sinners.

Once we've converted a few million of the Talibanians we need to put them in charge of schools. They know how to deal with epidemics of this type.

ON REASON:

“Reason should be destroyed in all Christians.”

- Martin Luther, true founder of Protestant Christianity

Clearly it is all this reasoning and thinking that has worn down your brain and made it a soft and cushy den for SATAN.

WHAT I'M DOING NOW:

Anyway, the point is that we can't contradict the bible, but we're free to add our own stuff. I mean, the bible doesn't mention abortion or estate taxes, but the way I see it if a republican says something and God doesn't interupt to correct him the republican must be speaking God's word.

ON SEX EDUCATION:

Children need to be warned about hairy-palm syndrome, as well as the hundreds of other harmful symptoms caused by self-touching. Did you know that 84% of illnesses are caused by touching oneself? For example, liberal feminist doctors have invented so-called "bulemia" and "anorexia" which are actually caused by deliberately or accidentally rubbing against pillows. Why there is not yet a ban on children useing pillows is a mystery to me. Those things are just too tempting.

I have been noticing how many children are prescribed Prozac and Ritalin and such and this has got me thinking - isn't it about time we start prescribing drugs to reduce the sex urge? I mean, what is wrong with this nation if we can put a man on the moon but we can't force kids to take drugs?

There is a class of drugs called "chemical castrators" which have all the effect of having the sin-sack removed, though the part in question will still be effective in time to impregnate a wife. (Once the wife is pregnant, the man must then take the pill again. The woman, of course, takes these pills all the time.)

I'm sure some communist "consumer advocates" will make up lies and propaganda about "side-effects" but it's a proven fact that 87% of drug "side-effects" are actually symptoms of self-touching.

ON ROBOTS:

I've just done some research and it turns out there's no such thing as robots. All those things in movies and TV shows are actually nothing but mutated little midgets inside weird costumes. Just goes to show how fraudulent "scientists" are and how many lies are in the liberal media and hollywood.

The only real thing that comes close to robots are golems, which are the result of Jewish witchcraft. Hardly the sort of thing we tolerate 'round here!




ON PAGAN BUILDINGS:

The movement to eliminate pagan buildings like those Greek-heathen temple-like things in Washington...Whatever happened to that movement? I remember first it got watered down, focusing on stopping constuction of new pagan-style buildings, and then they stopped returning my calls. It's time to restart that movement! We don't need Washington at all, a better capital would be in the heartland, or better yet, Crawford Texas.

ON NOSTRADAMUS:

I LOVE that stuff! It's just like the book of revelations: not only can you interpret it to mean whatever the heck you want, you can even make up your own quotes and nobody will know you did! Remember how Notsie supposedly predicted 9/11? It turned out that quote was made up, but everyone believed it anyway.

I make up "revelations quotes" on the spot all the time when dealing with my Catholic labor force. That and the threat of calling the INS, of course.

Hey, I've got an idea: a contest! Ten million bonus points to whoever comes up with the best interpretation of this:
"A great leader will arise
Gold to the left and on the right
Clouds obscure the moon.
What was built falls in this year."

ON GAMBLING:

Thanks to Pat Robertson and his Family Channel, there is a Christian alternative to gambling. In fact, it's such a good alternative that it's basically identical to gambling - only it's not.

For only $4.98 you get a 1 in 10,000 chance of winning a prize, but only if you answer ALL five questions correctly. However, since Jesus is on your side, the odds will be far better than it sounds. If you pray before you play, the odds are more like 50/50.

There is no need for slot machines when the "games" can come into your home via TV.

The Family Channel boasts to cable operators that their new phone game is a great way to make big-bucks without the charges appearing on the cable bill. You see, it's an alternative to pay-per-view. It's more attractive to cable operators because the bucks are charges to the phone bill, NOT their cable bill. Cable companies still get 30% of the take however.

The game airs daily on The Family Channel from 11:30 AM-2 PM ET/PT. The Trivial Pursuit phone game runs 10 times daily, between reruns of Crosswits, The $100,000 Name That Tune and a TV version of Trivial Pursuit.

ON GOOD AND EVIL:

What's good and benevolent is whatever God does. When God changes the course of a cluster bomb aimed at a tank, and makes it hit a hospital instead, blowing up little kids and pregnant women until their little bits and pieces stick to the walls and ceiling like so much sloppy bubble gum, then blowing up children is good and benevolent.

ON MOTHERHOOD:

Only something as Godly as a man would be capable of creating life. It is MAN, the creator, who creates the seed, and the woman is just a heap of dirt where the seed grows. Just imagine what a mess humans would be if women had anything to do with making them - just look at how they drive, or when they try to do math, or worse, how they VOTE.

If I was Adam in the Garden of Eden, I'd ask for my rib back!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

ON COMMUTING:

It is those materialistic, over-paid sweating-class types who keep refusing to tithe, I have noticed.

THEY are the ones who have imperverished our church. Can you believe that our pastors still have to be driven to the airport? In CARS? On bumpy government highways, right alongside common sinners, welfare queens, and liberals? Driving past serial-killer hitchhickers, having to dogde drug-addicted drivers like Rodney King, stopping at the same gas stations frequented by hobos and similar classes?

This situation is intolerable!

I was doing my weakly shopping on my favorite website, Luxury Lifestyle, when I came across the answer, which hit me like a revelation:

http://www.luxurylifestyle.com/articles/140mph.cfm

Isn't it wonderful? Our fearless business leaders are always coming up with innovative solutions to the world's problems: "It seems nowadays that, for those of us who work in big cities, we spend most of the time outside it, on the motorways. Everyone is aware of the congestion problem that haunts us on the way to our jobs, but what are we to do?"

Yes, God put the business community on top because they're more moral than everyone else. Leave it to them to stand up against the suffering caused by "Breathing in those poisonous fumes on your way through the city..."

So what ingenious solution have they come up with?

Helicopters.

That's right, Helicopters!

Why?

First of all, humanity benefits because "you have the enviable position of laughing at all your other colleagues stuck in jams while you rush past at 100mph."

"They’re not much bigger than an SUV, they don’t cost much more..." which means even the laziest of our brethen has no excuse to share the road with sinners.

Best of all, think of what the cities of the future will look like:

Right now suburbs are designed to be unlivable to undesirables who can't afford to to drive, they don't even have sidewalks, God bless. I dream of a future where you can't do anything if you don't fly, and there's no roads at all.

This is the best solution to traffic and pollution, forget freakish new energy courses or communistic public transit

And let's not forget that a helicopter is " ...enviable. Leather upholstery, tinted windows, they’ve got it all...having one of these outside your house looks pretty good indeed."

I want another tax cut NOW!

ON FREEMASONS:

What is with this mason thing you keep talking about, lib? I don't associate with masons or any sweating-class types, that's why I have more than one house, so I can go to another one when renovations are needed. I learned that the hard way when my third wife engaged in unmentionable behavior with one of those blue-collar bums, probably a mason. I know because she gave birth to a retard and retards don't run in my family.

ON LOVE:

She should be pregnant with fresh souls for Jesus all of that time or else you're no better than a birth-control user. Just remember, this isn't about "amor" (Isn't that a Fr*nch word?) it's about making more Christian soldiers, for Christ.

A Christian man may look at his wife's eyes, but the wife has to look down. A woman is not to make eye contact with a man. As for hand holding, of course not! What's next, kite flying on the premesis?

If only someone could invent a form of arificial fertilization that couldn't ever be used for stem cell research, then we could put all this courtship nonsense behind us. God wanted Christopher Reed dead you stupid libs, DEAL WITH IT!

ON CHILD REARING:

Anyway, I usually use a can of mace (leaves no evidence) in the middle of the night (surprise makes it hurt more) and I don't care what some juditial activist or evil lawyer thinks.

ON GUN-CONTROL AT THE 2005 INAGURATION:

As the NRA has proven time and time again, the more guns and grenades around you, the safer you are. I for one can't stand the idea of leaving security up to the government! That's called socialism, and if you like that, go to North Korea!

I for one and BOYCOTTING this poorly-organized inauguration. This is quite a sacrifice to make, it means I won't be able to be in the precence of of George until fundraising starts for the 2008 election (several months).

ON ONIONS:

I don't actually like onions - I try to only consume beef and beer - but I ask my wife to chop onions anyways just because I love to see tears on her cheecks. Dribble dribble dribble. So cute.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

MOVIE REVIEW: THE INCREDIBLES:

Incredible is the perfect word for this movie. Incredibly immoral, incredibly deviant, incredibly unAmerican.

The story is about a family of superheros. Now, any properly raised Christian (the few of them left) should at this point say "what the heck is a superhero?" Good question, I say.

Superheros began with perverted Canadian paving the way for gay marriage by drawing pictures of men in their underwear and selling them to children. As if that's not enough, he gave his "superman" magic powers. That's right, Superman doesn't pray for the ability to run as fast as a speeding bullet. And there's a word for people who gain miraculous powers without praying for them: witches.

Superman was followed by a serious of other exibitionist witches, also Jewish: Batman, Spiderman, etc. During the McCarthy era, the horrible truth about comics and superheros became well known, but permissive liberals decided to be "tolerant" of this printed form of Gomorra.

Notice how many Hollywood movies are based on superhero comics. Degenerates of a feather flock together. With all of this deviant unAmericanism involved with superheros, it was obviously only a matter of time until Disney decided to join in.

The story begins by interducing the characters. First, the mother. She's stretchy and flexible. Many of the movies's jokes are based on this. Her husband is big. The family friend is black. You can guess what sort of perverted jokes they make about that. This harlot does more bending and stretching in one movie than most porn starlets do in entire careers.

The daughter has the ability to become invisible. She used this ability to spy on a boy she likes. While he goes to the bathroom. The creators of the incedibles brag about how lifelike and realistic their characters are, but they did not have to show it off to this extent! Typical hollywood perversion!

The son is fast. Yes, a young man who is fast. Just when you thought the liberals in hollywood had run out of premature ejaculation jokes, they pump out more in no time at all.

And of course, this being Hollywood, there has to be a negro. His superpower is ice. Yes, once again Hollywood is claiming that darkies are "cool". So when your kids end up on drugs and welfare, doing nothing but eating watermelon and stealing hubcaps, it's not your fault as a parent. It's Hollywood's fault.

I bet now you're saying, "wait - where's the homosexual? Hollywood always has a homo in every movie! Did they forget?" Sadly though, they have not. A major character is an androdenous fasion designer.

As for the actual plot, I could not make very much sense of it. First of all it moved too fast, like the immoral sludge on MTV. Secondly I kept having to cover my eyes at moments where it became obvious that nudity or graphic sex was about to appear on the screen. All I could gather is that this so-called family does not go to church, in fact, they did not even mention God at any point. The father allowed "family" members to talk back, never paddling or even spanking anyone.

The end of the movie says it all. After a typical act of unGodly magic, a child yells "That was WICKED!"

Wicked indeed. If your children ask to watch this movie, remember to hit them using the metal part of the belt.

Wanton violence:

-None Noted

Impudence/Hate:

- Lack of obedience among wife and children, insolence completely unpunished.

Sexual Immorality:

- I lost track of how many times I had to cover my eyes to avoid nudity and sex
- Constand barrage of perverted "humor"

Drugs/Alcohol:

- Jungles containing plants resembling hemp

Offense to God:

- Family are Athiests.
- Teen girl with hair dyed black

Murder/Suicide:

-None Noted

ON JOHN 3:16:

"Do people know the year Jesus was born, and what year he died?"

He isn't dead. He was only gone 3 days. John 3:16 For God so loved the world he sent his only begotten son away for the weekend.

"So why would Jesus support an execution?"

If it's a Jew, revenge. Any more questions, or should we skip straight to your tithing schedual?

ON PRAYER:

It says in the Bible that you are supposed to pray loudly in public, it even recommends sounding trumpets before you pray. People who pray silently in private are called hypocrites. It's in the Bible, read it.

ON BOOK BURNING:

Here is my current source for books needing to be banned. I'll start with the list from Banned in the U.S.A. by Herbert N. Foerstel. It list the fifty books that were most frequently challenged in schools and public libraries in the United States between 1990 and 1992.

Needless to say this is list is obsolete because a lot of immoral sludge has been published since 1992, Harry Potter comes to mind. Is there a more up-to-date list of the world's most burn-worthy books?

If not, this is still a very good list, covering books glorifying poor/lazy people (both Stienbeck books), books by liberals (The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood), books glorifying scientists (A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle), books that might convince children of lesbians not to commit suicide (Heather Has Two Mommies), and books by authors who don't like war (Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut ).

Impressions Edited by Jack Booth et al.
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
More Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz
The Witches by Roald Dahl
Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
Curses, Hexes, and Spells by Daniel Cohen
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
Blubber by Judy Blume
Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl
Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
Christine by Stephen King
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Fallen Angels by Walter Myers
The New Teenage Body Book by Kathy McCoy and Charles Wibbelsman
Little Red Riding Hood by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Snyder
Night Chills by Dean Koontz
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
A Separate Peace by John Knowles
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
The Learning Tree by Gordon Parks
The Witches of Worm by Zilpha Snyder
My Brother Sam Is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
Cujo by Stephen King
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
The Figure in the Shadows by John Bellairs
On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
Grendel by John Champlin Gardner
I Have to Go by Robert Munsch
Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
The Pigman by Paul Zindel
My House by Nikki Giovanni
Then Again, Maybe I Won't by Judy Blume
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
Witches, Pumpkins, and Grinning Ghosts: The Story of the Halloween Symbols by Edna Barth
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Scary Stories 3: More Tales to Chill Your Bones by Alvin Schwartz

Here are some more burn-worthy books:

The Associated Press reported in March 1996 that Merrimack, NH schools had pulled Shakespeare's Twelfth Night from the curriculum after the school board passed a "prohibition of alternative lifestyle instruction" act. (Twelfth Night contains a scene where a young woman disguises herself as a boy.)

An illustrated edition of "Little Red Riding Hood" was banned in two school districts in 1989 because the book shows the heroine taking food and wine to her grandmother. The school districts cited concerns about the use of alcohol in the story.

Ulysses by James Joyce was selected by the Modern Library as the best novel of the 20th century by secular liberal commies. Ulysses was barred from the United States as obscene for 15 years.

Thomas Paine, best known for his writings supporting American independence, may sound innocent, but he also wrote The Age of Reason, where Paine argues for Deism and against Christianity. Therefore all Thomas Paine writings are "flammable".

In 1930, U.S. Customs seized Harvard-bound copies of Candide, Voltaire's critically hailed literal scripture, on the grounds of obscenity.

Aristophanes' Lysistrata, Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, Boccaccio's Decameron, Defoe's Moll Flanders, and various editions of The Arabian Nights were all banned for decades from the U.S. mails under the Comstock Law of 1873. Officially known as the Federal Anti-Obscenity Act, this law banned the mailing of "lewd", "indecent", "filthy", or "obscene" materials. The Comstock laws, while not currently enforced, remain for the most part on the books today. We'll make use of these laws once we win the elections in 2006.Tthe Telecommunications Reform Bill of 1996 even specifically applied some of them to computer networks.

The Comstock law also forbade distribution of birth control information. In 1915, Margaret Sanger's husband was jailed for distributing her Family Limitation, which described and advocated various methods of contraception.

Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman's famous collection of poetry, was withdrawn in Boston in 1881, after the District Attorney threatened criminal prosecution.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau's autobiography Confessions was banned by U.S. Customs in 1929 as injurious to public morality.

The Savannah Morning News reported in November 1999 that a teacher at the Windsor Forest High School required seniors to obtain permission slips before they could read Hamlet, Macbeth, or King Lear.

South Africa's Godly apartheid government banned a number of classic books; in 1955, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein was banned there as "indecent, objectionable, or obscene". At one time, they also banned Anna Sewell's Black Beauty.

That's the list for now. See yall at Sunday book burning, 9:00pm sharp!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: What Jeb Thurmond thinks about everything

ON BOYS OF UNDETERMINATE SEXUALITY:

As long as he knows how to smoke, spit, eat red meat, bully weird people, vote republican, and really, really hate gays, he's straight.

Just give him a cowbow hat and a shirt with a confederate flag on it and nobody will notice.

ON EPISCOPOLS:

A new bill, sponsored by state Sen. William C. Mims [R] from exurban Loudon County, would give religious congregations seceding from their denominations control over church buildings, even if that violates longstanding denominational arrangements governing church property.

Sp what, you say? Well, this means the government is helping our effort to pull Episcopal parishes into breakaway denominations in response to the ordination of a gay bishop in Jew Hampshire. The "wall between church and state" is finally being broken down, allowing the government to destroy religions it doesn't like! PRAISE JESUS!

The satan-worshipping Episcopal Church has consistently told potential break-away congregations they must be willing to leave behind their buildings if they refuse to maintain communion with their brethren. A wide array of state and federal courts, up to and including the U.S. Supreme Court, have upheld this position as a matter of simple property law. Mims' bill would give Virginia the rare distinction of becoming the first state to force a reorganization of a major religious denomination.

It's about time that governments realized the destruction of gay people overrides both the independence of churches and private property rights.

Those whose godly hatred rug-munchers and queers override their belief in the other tenets of the Episcopal Church will now be entitled to a nice little sectarian endowment in the form of property seized from the church they are repudiating, as a special gift from the Virginia Republican Party.

I suggest a quick trip to Virginia to see if any of these rebelling churches want to join Landover Baptist Church as franchises. That would be very profitable.

ON BIBLICAL HOMOS:

II Samuel 1:25,26 David speaking: "How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! O Jonathan, thou wast slain in thine high places. I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women."

This issue is confusing me in many different ways. I've looked for different translations, and here are my findings:

EW! The New Living Translation is downright GRAPHIC:

Oh, how much I loved you! And your love for me was deep, deeper than the love of women!

Holman Christian Standard Bible makes it clear that our beloved David is mostly straight (just a little wiggly) and that it's Jonathan that's the odd one:

"Your love for me was more wonderful than the love of a woman [for me]."

Young's Literal Translation starts talking about pleasure:

"Very pleasant wast thou to me; Wonderful was thy love to me, Above the love of women!"

The Message avoids homosexuality, but instead says

"love far exceeding anything I've known--or ever hope to know."

Greater than Christ's love? I think not! See why True Christians™ use King James?

ON DENMARK:

I was in Libya scouting for possible investments when I started thinking about BAB and his courage and utterly selfless sacrifice of become in a missionary in the darkest pits of India. There he is, in the darkest den of iniquity outside San Fransisco itself, and here I am, enjoying myself in the company of people whose only sin is calling God "allah". Far better morals than most places in America.

To reap the benefits of Christianity without evangelizing is to give myself a free ride, I thought. So I decided that while I'm in the niebourhood, I should do some scouting for good places to spread the world of God. So I hatched a plan...

And like a fool, I rushed in. It was only by the most generous grace of God that I managed to survive the inferno I foolishly plunged into. I would like to allow myself to block out the memory, but on the other hand, the world must be warned. Obviously, you will want to remove all children and women from the room as you read my horrific, harrowing tale.

I decided to investigate Denmark. I figured, if it's possible to survive Bombay, how bad can a bunch of vikings be? How could I have been so stupid?

Denmark legalized Gay Marriage in 1989. That's right - to visit Denmark is to experience firsthand the effects of 15 YEARS of total moral catastrophe. Add this to the witches brew of socialist economic policy, explicit sex education, and an unwillingness to execute or even imprison criminals, and you might imagine what a nightmare the place is. Don't bother: not only is Denmark more horrible than you imagine, it is worse than you CAN imagine.

It was like jumping into a time machine and seeing what would happen if democrats win the elections in 2006.

My first impression of Copenhagen was the stench that assailed my nosrils the moment the I stepped out of my Learjet. In Denmark nobody bothers to bathe, shave or even cut their hair. People had set up a shantytown right next to the runway - some of them wearing stinking rags, most utterly naked, staring slack-jawed at me as if I were some sort of alien, urinating and defecating where they stood without even wiping.

I assumed that these barbarians were third worlders who tried to immigrate and got stuck at the airport. Their bodies were so dirty I optimistically assumed they were just your standard negros from darkest Africa.

I set off to find a taxi, but there were no vehicles. Of course, the environmentalists obviously banned them long ago. However, I could see buildings, so I set off on foot into the city.

It turned out that the buildings were nothing but scorched shells, a few standing walls after the insides were burned out. It seems that there has been a major disaster in Copenhagen which the liberal media has conveniently forgotten to tell us about. I saw large craters, from bombs or because God was raining down fire and brimstone, I could not tell. My sense of smell was completely shot at this point, (everything smelled like brimstone) so I could not research the craters further.

I found more savages. They were hiding in the ruins, crowding together in tribes of some sort, staring fearfully at me like many of those wild animals that were so much fun to hunt before the endangered species act ruined good clean fun. The savages engaged in casual sex in full view of the others. There were no couples, males simply copulated with the nearest oriface, male or female, mother or son, with less discrimination than the beasts in the fields.

When people die in Denmark the bodies just sit there in the street while hungry children and wild dogs drag out their intestines. There are

I can't go on. I simply can't describe the horrors I witnessed in that whirlpool of sin. I might be able to answer a question or two, but a proper narrative will simply break down because I was in such a shocked state I lost all sense of time.

All I can say is that we must NEVER make the mistake that Denmark made. When people warned that homosexuals, sex education, socialism, and liberalism in general would be the end of civilization, the Danes simply laughed. Now they are living proof that Pat Robertson speaks the truth:

"I have known few homosexuals who did not practice their tendencies. Such people are sinning against God and will lead to the ultimate destruction of the family and our nation. I am unalterably opposed to such things, and will do everything I can to restrict the freedom of these people..."

And it is your duty to help him!
http://www.chaletian.co.uk/books/books/lintons/savages.jpg[/url] It looks cute, doesn't it? In reality it isn't so pretty....
I thought that sticking heads on spears was more of a Canadian thing, what with all the cannibal eskimos and such.

Anyway, I've found there's a way I can make the best of a bad situation: I have been hired as guest speaker at Abstinence-Only Sex education classes, teaching young tykes all about what the liberal media won't mention about Europe. Thanks to George, the government funding for these classes make them very profitable.