Praise the Lord

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Greetings brothers and sisters in Jesus.
Seeing Brother Harry's address to the Godless Atlanta atheists led me to the light. It just goes to show that even the tool of Satan can be used to do the work of the Lord.

All my life I've been looking for the true Christian way, and now I've found it. I know that my longing to obey our Lord's commandments will find succour in this refuge from the Godless heathen.

As an Australian, I'm proud and grateful that our wise and Godly politicians are working hard to censor the Internet. I'm going to write to Senator Conroy to propose that, as part of his Godly Internet Filter, he make Landover Baptist Church the mandatory home page of all Australian Internet users.

God bless you all.

Deref

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Praise the Lord

What church do you attend? What's the best gun for dropping a herd of abos?

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Re: Praise the Lord

What church do you attend? What's the best gun for dropping a herd of abos?

We don't have any legitimate churches here--they're all full of Jesus-haters and poofters, which I'm sure is why God led me here.

And we tend to use Land Rovers rather than guns. It's more sporting.

Sadly it seems that i've already sinned here, for which I shall undoubtedly be punished.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Praise the Lord

Welcome, friend. You seem like the good sort.

Are you a married man? How many sons has your wife born you? Is kangaroo meat any good?

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Re: Praise the Lord

Welcome, friend. You seem like the good sort.

Thanks for your warm welcome. May the Lord bless you and keep you and not let you pass away until next time we meet.

Are you a married man? How many sons has your wife born you?

I am, indeed, joined in Holy Matrimony. Unfortunately the Lord has seen for to smite me with two daughters and no sons. I must accept His judgement and ask His forgiveness for my transgressions that he may bless me with sons. I'm old, but Abram was eighty-six years old when Hagar bore him Ishmael, so I have hope.

At least I take comfort that if I'm ever blessed by a visit from Angels of the Lord and my wicked neighbours wish to know them, I can offer my neighbours my daughters to do whatever is good in their eyes to them, and spare the Angels. Do you think that, perhaps, this is what The Lord may have planned?

Is kangaroo meat any good?

You raise a good question, and one that's been sore troubling me.

The Lord didn't see fit to specifically include the Kangaroo (or the koala or the goanna) in Leviticus 11. He did say

Whatsoever parteth the hoof, and is clovenfooted, and cheweth the cud, among the beasts, that shall ye eat.

The kangaroo parteth not the hoof. (Nor the koala nor the goanna.)

And He said

Nevertheless these shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof: as the camel, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.

And the coney, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.

And the hare, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you.

Neither the kangaroo nor the koala nor the goanna chew the cud, so I've never really felt comfortable eating kangaroo--I'd be grateful for the advice of those more wise in the Ways of the Lord than I.

(I should add here that the heathen scientists try to tell us that the cony and the hare do not chew the cud, yet the Lord is clear about it. They shall surely burn in the everlasting fires for their lies.)

[Levi Jones]

Re: Praise the Lord

The Lord didn't see fit to specifically include the Kangaroo (or the koala or the goanna) in Leviticus 11. He did say

The kangaroo parteth not the hoof. (Nor the koala nor the goanna.)

Neither the kangaroo nor the koala nor the goanna chew the cud, so I've never really felt comfortable eating kangaroo--I'd be grateful for the advice of those more wise in the Ways of the Lord than I.

You are wise, but the dietary laws are a subject we rarely discuss. There are so many wildly varying opinions on them. Some say rise, kill, eat. Others say let be on the safe side and not eat delicious pork bbq ribs.

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Re: Praise the Lord

You are wise, but the dietary laws are a subject we rarely discuss. There are so many wildly varying opinions on them. Some say rise, kill, eat. Others say let be on the safe side and not eat delicious pork bbq ribs.

Thank you, brother!

I see it like this: the Lord has forbidden the Heathen Jew to eat of the delicious pork bbq ribs , therefore it is incumbent on His Children to eat thereof. The same must apply to the Kangaroo and the emu and and the koala and the goanna.

If you seek proof, consider the dliciousness of the pork bbq ribs - QED.

[handmaiden]

Re: Praise the Lord

Welcome Brother!

You seem to be presenting yourself as a Godly sort of man. Let us hope that this continues.

Your daughters may even yet present you with grandsons. I do not recommend that you impregnate them yourself, however. Please be careful not to go off somewhere into the Deep North with nothing but a skin or two of wine.

Okay, maybe a little wine, but make sure it compliments the flavor of kangaroo.

Welcomingly Yours,

Handmaiden

[Brother Snapper Grogan]

Re: Praise the Lord

Thank you for that wisdom, Handmaiden. Your words of grandsons fill me with hope that The Lord may bless me unto the second generation and that I may yet live down some of the shame of not having a son. Thank you!

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Praise the Lord

Brother Grogan, are you any relation to Smiler Grogan? (Good old Smiler, everybody's friend!)

[landoverlover]

Re: Praise the Lord

Is it true that in Australia the churches have Vegemite instead of Communion wafers?