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  • GodsNotAWoman
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Aug 2010
    • 3
    #1

    hi guys i just found jesus

    he was in the bathroom all along.

    jk

    i recently found him wen my friend invited me 2 there church for a baptism.


    so hi, i love bein a baptist and knowing i am gonna go to heaven
    Tags: None
    • Brother Harold Porter
      Landover Senior Outreach
      Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2010
      • 8236
      #2
      Re: hi guys i just found jesus

      Listen, if Jesus would frown at your "jokes" you can bet we will.

      Fail
      Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

      sigpic

        Comment

        • GodsNotAWoman
          Confirmed Enemy of God
          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
          • Aug 2010
          • 3
          #3
          Re: hi guys i just found jesus

          Originally posted by Rubicon View Post
          Listen, if Jesus would frown at your "jokes" you can bet we will.

          Fail


          sorry if i ofendid u, i was just trying to maek it look less awkward

          guess i messed up :s

            Comment

            • Sister Christina
              True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Jun 2010
              • 364
              #4
              Re: hi guys i just found jesus

              Originally posted by GodsNotAWoman View Post
              he was in the bathroom all along.

              jk

              i recently found him wen my friend invited me 2 there church for a baptism.


              so hi, i love bein a baptist and knowing i am gonna go to heaven
              If you just found Jesus, why would you be mocking Him?

              Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things.
              Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
              For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
              Galatians 6:6-8


              You need to start praising our Lord if you wish to go to Heaven.
              "I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty." - Revelation 1:8

                Comment

                • Jedediah
                  True Christian™ Creation Scientist
                  Fisher of Men
                  True Christian™
                  • Feb 2010
                  • 6824
                  #5
                  Re: hi guys i just found jesus

                  Is American not your native language, or are you just touched in the head? We honor Jesus' temporary sacrifice by using proper grammar and capitalization.

                  How long have you walked with our Savior? What church do you belong to? Do you have a family?
                  II Thessalonians 1:7-9
                  And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
                  In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
                  Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power
                  The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony

                    Comment

                    • Capt. Aaron Portway
                      One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers
                      Salvation from Above
                      God's Favorite Pilot™
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2008
                      • 6309
                      #6
                      Re: hi guys i just found jesus

                      Originally posted by GodsNotAWoman View Post
                      he was in the bathroom all along.

                      jk

                      i recently found him wen my friend invited me 2 there church for a baptism.


                      so hi, i love bein a baptist and knowing i am gonna go to heaven
                      Originally posted by GodsNotAWoman View Post


                      sorry if i ofendid u, i was just trying to maek it look less awkward

                      guess i messed up :s
                      Have you ever seen one of these before?

                      sigpic


                      Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



                      God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



                      Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

                        Comment

                        • landoverlover
                          Also loves Jesus and America
                          True Christian™
                          • Jul 2010
                          • 828
                          #7
                          Re: hi guys i just found jesus

                          I think it's great that Landover's overseers have welcomed aspiring Special Olympians without shift keys. Sadly, because you are so obviously "with blemish" you must hide from the Lord, but out of Christian charity we're happy to keep you as a pet. Use the doggie door on the way out, and no leg-humping please.
                          Attached Files
                          Leviticus 13:44 He is a leprous man, he is UNCLEAN: the priest shall pronounce him utterly UNCLEAN; his plague is in his head.

                          2 Kings 6:25 And there was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged it, until an ass's head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver.



                          King James Bible v1611

                          Good Enough For JESUS....Good Enough For Me !!

                          sigpic

                            Comment

                            • Lisa H
                              Proud to be Blonde, Beautiful, and Baptist
                              True Christian™
                              • Jun 2010
                              • 5070
                              #8
                              Re: hi guys i just found jesus

                              Originally posted by GodsNotAWoman View Post
                              he was in the bathroom all along.

                              jk

                              i recently found him wen my friend invited me 2 there church for a baptism.

                              so hi, i love bein a baptist and knowing i am gonna go to heaven
                              I do not find you humor about the Lord funny. How dare you think the Lord would be hanging around your bathroom like a pervert. You are just a God mocking ass.


                              Numbers 22:29 And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.
                              Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
                              Proverbs 19:25 Smite a scorner, and the simple will beware: and reprove one that hath understanding, and he will understand knowledge.
                              Ezekiel 16:14 And thy renown went forth among the heathen for thy beauty: for it was perfect through my comeliness, which I had put upon thee, saith the Lord GOD.
                              Proverbs 6:25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
                              Genesis 24:16 And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.
                              Song of Solomon 1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.

                                Comment

                                • James Hutchins
                                  True Christian™
                                  Just a Regular Nice Guy
                                   
                                  • Jun 2009
                                  • 29453
                                  #9
                                  Re: hi guys i just found jesus

                                  Originally posted by GodsNotAWoman View Post


                                  sorry if i ofendid u, i was just trying to maek it look less awkward

                                  guess i messed up :s
                                  You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met from NJ. You make Snooki look sophisticated.

                                  You have no idea how your pranks upset God. He has a very specific set of suggested guidelines you must follow. Ridiculing Him as you are is akin to requesting being locked in Hell and having baby Jesus swallow the key.
                                  Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                                  Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                                  Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                                  Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                                  Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                                  Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                                    Comment

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