Are these people kidding?

[JennyD]

Moderators, Pastors, and other Brothers and Sisters in Christ -

Is this serious? I can't believe what I'm reading on this forum! Truly, I'm horrified.

Never have I been so aghast, at least not since I looked at www.*************dudes.com by mistake, while looking for a recipe for buckwheat pancakes. (I've censored the weblink so as not to unduly tempt any of your visitors.)


Returning to my outrage:


"iamgay"? "smegma"? What manner of names are these? And the things they post! The hatred, the attacks on Jesus and His Church!

Do they really think it appropriate to enter a Christian forum and spew such filth? It's not as though there isn't a FAQ as clear as God's Word to guide them!

I'm sorry for flying off the handle. That was not very ladylike of me.

My name, as you may have guessed, is Jenny. I am a single woman; I was raised from the age of 5 in a fine Christian orphanage after my Italian parents were smitten by God for praying to Mary, Miss Thing of Heaven once too often. (I won't go into the details of their poetically-just demise at this time.) I was rescued from their ways and raised up to be a proper lady.

That's not to say that I didn't have my own periods of falling away, before I'd truly accepted the love of Jesus. Truly, I was a difficult child, having been corrupted at such a young age by the bizarre and perverse Catholic rituals. But such lurid subjects are not appropriate for one's introduction. I hope the mere suggestion has not caused anyone distress.

Good evening, Brothers and Sisters. I hope you have success with these rude upstarts posting their filth; if I may be of assistance in any way, please let me know.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Are these people kidding?

Praise Jesus and welcome. I'm so sorry that your parents were disgusting wops who bow down to statues and count beads. It is a testament to the Power of Christ that you were able to overcome your sinful background to some degree, with Jesus giving you a helping hand by smiting them for you.

I apologize for the unsaved vermin who often infest our Godly forum. we do our level best to rebuke them and bring them to Christ, but they usually don't listen.

Please read through our threads and get an idea of what we are about. Feel free to offer guidance to the queers, harlots and witches you may encounter. and don't forget to study your Bible!

By the way, what pie is your best?

[JennyD]

Re: Are these people kidding?

By the way, what pie is your best?

The ladies at the orphanage told me that I made the best marionberry pie they'd ever tasted. They said that such skills should land me a husband in no time.

Sadly, it seems all the good Christian men are already married.

Why do you ask, Pastor?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Are these people kidding?

The ladies at the orphanage told me that I made the best marionberry pie they'd ever tasted. They said that such skills should land me a husband in no time.

Sadly, it seems all the good Christian men are already married.

Why do you ask, Pastor?

Well as it so happens, I am quite partial to marionberry pie. Seedless, of course.

Any True Christian™ man will ask you about your pie abilities first. Can we assume that you are also adept at cooking and cleaning? Perhaps you should consider enrolling in LBU. They have an excellent motherhood degree program.

[Talitha]

Re: Are these people kidding?

I can't wait for Sister Thumper to come back from her Retreat and finds that some new harlot is trying to smooch her way into Pastor Ezekiel's favors.

Listen up Jenny D, Pastor Ezekiel is spoken for and while Sister Thumper is away I'm looking after him and his needs.
Try that again and I'll be forced to "take action".

By the way, welcome to God's favorite Forum.

Do you Wrestle?

[JennyD]

Re: Are these people kidding?

I can't wait for Sister Thumper to come back from her Retreat and finds that some new harlot is trying to smooch her way into Pastor Ezekiel's favors.

Listen up Jenny D, Pastor Ezekiel is spoken for and while Sister Thumper is away I'm looking after him and his needs.
Try that again and I'll be forced to "take action".

By the way, welcome to God's favorite Forum.

Do you Wrestle?

Oh, dear. I didn't realize the good Pastor already had someone baking for him. I would never step on one of his lady friends' toes.

It is good of your husband to let you bake for another man. He must be very kind and trusting, not to mention generous to let your -- doubtless excellent -- baked goods escape his grasp!

No, I do not wrestle. The ladies at the orphanage told me that ladies do not wrestle, only Lesbians. Why do you ask?

Do you also make a marionberry cobbler? The ladies at the orphanage say mine is the very best. It won first prize at the state fair, too.

[SUV]

Re: Are these people kidding?

Jenny D....JENNY D?!

Now where have I heard that Name before? Get such a thrill of recognition every time I see it!

[JennyD]

Re: Are these people kidding?

Jenny D....JENNY D?!

Now where have I heard that Name before? Get such a thrill of recognition every time I see it!

I don't understand. Do you know another Jenny D?

[lord warrior]

Re: Are these people kidding?

You know Jenny, not ALL the the good christian men are taken. Just look around here, and you will find some.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Are these people kidding?

Oh, dear. I didn't realize the good Pastor already had someone baking for him. I would never step on one of his lady friends' toes.

It is good of your husband to let you bake for another man. He must be very kind and trusting, not to mention generous to let your -- doubtless excellent -- baked goods escape his grasp!

No, I do not wrestle. The ladies at the orphanage told me that ladies do not wrestle, only Lesbians. Why do you ask?

Do you also make a marionberry cobbler? The ladies at the orphanage say mine is the very best. It won first prize at the state fair, too.

Now now, there is no harm done. Just a little friendly Christian conversation. And besides, its not like I'm chained up married to Sister Thumper.

That marionberry pie sounds mighty tasty. Are you any good with a rabbit casserole?

[SUV]

Re: Are these people kidding?

And make no mistake, Pastor 'Zeke likes him a good, hoppin' RABBIT casserole - not any of this English Homer! "rarebit" pap

[JennyD]

Re: Are these people kidding?

Now now, there is no harm done. Just a little friendly Christian conversation. And besides, its not like I'm chained up married to Sister Thumper.

That marionberry pie sounds mighty tasty. Are you any good with a rabbit casserole?

Pastor, perhaps it's a residual from my early Catholic exposure, but suggesting a rabbit casserole after saying your lady friend is named Sister Thumper . . . well, it's more than a bit disturbing! Please tell me you don't mean what my confused female mind thinks you mean!

[Mr. Jingles]

Re: Are these people kidding?

Jenny D; it's amazing that you survived your Catholic upbringing; I hope you no longer have any contact with your Mary-worshipping family.

I'm sure you'll find a fine Christian husband. Provided, of course, that you are deferential to him at all times, & try not to cry too loud when he disciplines you for disobedience, lest the police show up & ruin his reputation at church.

[JennyD]

Re: Are these people kidding?

Mr. Jingles, sir, I believe you may have overlooked my initial post. I was blessed by Jesus; when I was at the tender age of five, God smote my Catholic parents with a horrible case of cyanide poisoning (having nothing whatsoever to do with my playing homemaker) and put me in the care of a good Christian orphanage.

Er, are you a single Christian gentleman, by any chance?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Are these people kidding?

Pastor, perhaps it's a residual from my early Catholic exposure, but suggesting a rabbit casserole after saying your lady friend is named Sister Thumper . . . well, it's more than a bit disturbing! Please tell me you don't mean what my confused female mind thinks you mean!

Forgive me, sister. I forgot that you are new here.

Sister "Thumper" is my nickname for "Bible Thumping Blonde". She is away right now, handing out Chick Tracts in Godless Cancun, Mexico. She won't be back for a few days...

To show you how thoughtful she is, she's handing out English language Chick Tracts. She wants to help those brown-skinned demons how to speak proper American.

So about those casserole skills of yours.....