Hello

[silver_cougar]

Hello online Landover Church,

I am Roy Fielding from Ohio, also known as Silver Cougar. I relish the opportunity to fellowship with you in Jesus' Word.

I must admit, I have been shocked since I have been here. I have seen a lot of judgmentality. I, too, oppose homosexuality, but you must know that if you approach those living in sin like you approach them here, you only stand to draw them away from the truth further.

In His Name,

Roy

[silver_cougar]

Re: Hello

May I also say that I do not like being called "unsaved trash" like it says next to my name.

You shouldn't call guests unsaved because you don't know that they are unsaved. I am not unsaved. I have been saved since I confessed Christ and asked Him into my heart at age 13. You brethren must work on your approach to the unsaved.

You'll have much better results in your ministry if you get to know people before condemning them.

In His Grace,

Roy

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello

But Roy, we are attacked day in day out by goths, witches, and all kinds off trash. Rest assured you will be cleared of that label as soon as we get to know you.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello

May I also say that I do not like being called "unsaved trash" like it says next to my name.

You shouldn't call guests unsaved because you don't know that they are unsaved. I am not unsaved. I have been saved since I confessed Christ and asked Him into my heart at age 13. You brethren must work on your approach to the unsaved.

You'll have much better results in your ministry if you get to know people before condemning them.

In His Grace,

Roy

The situation has been rectified, sir. I apologize for any inconvenience or distress. We can't be too careful though...

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Hello

I am Roy Fielding from Ohio, also known as Silver Cougar. I relish the opportunity to fellowship with you in Jesus' Word.

Welcome, Brother Roy!

I must admit, I have been shocked since I have been here. I have seen a lot of judgmentality. I, too, oppose homosexuality, but you must know that if you approach those living in sin like you approach them here, you only stand to draw them away from the truth further.

Sometimes strong language is required to wake sinners up from complacency. I draw a lot of inspiration from Jesus' fiery sermon in Matthew 23.

May I also say that I do not like being called "unsaved trash" like it says next to my name.

You shouldn't call guests unsaved because you don't know that they are unsaved. I am not unsaved. I have been saved since I confessed Christ and asked Him into my heart at age 13.

We all start out as "unsaved trash", brother. It is only through the grace of God that we are anything other than that.

You sure sound saved to me, and I'm sure you won't have that label beside your name for very long.

You brethren must work on your approach to the unsaved.

We are always open to new ideas. I hate to lose anyone to the fires of Hell, and I will do whatever it takes to help get them saved.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Hello

Well, there are many ways of ministering to the lost. Some ways work some of the time, others work in other cases...and some of the lost just don't want to become found.

On judgmentality, we are called to be just judges of our fellow man.

Do ye indeed speak righteousness, O congregation? do ye judge uprightly, O ye sons of men? Psalm 58:1

Now, it is possible to find many verses which contradict this as well, claiming that judgment is the Lord's, and it is not for man to judge.

The Bible is not a plain straightforward book like Moby Dick or A La Recherché du Temps Perdue. It contains multitudes. And by that virtue we must shape our religious faith to contain multitudes, some of which contend and contradict each other.

It is a mark of the True Christian that he is able to assert that two mutually exclusive ideas must both be true, and that self-contradiction is a mark of divine Truth indeed.

So praise ye the Lord!


~~ OEJ

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Hello

I, too, oppose homosexuality, but you must know that if you approach those living in sin like you approach them here, you only stand to draw them away from the truth further.

Welcome, Roy, I see that, when all is said and done, our only disgreement is over tactics.

The best guide to tactics would be the Bible, do you agree?

Well, the Bible does not describe homosexuals as "living in sin" as you say. It says that they are committing an abomonation and that they are to be put to death, and their blood shall be upon them.

Do you think you know more about spreading God's word than GOD does?

I mean, you're talking about the guy who created the universe. The guy who sculps every last snowflake. You really think you know more about thing sthan the guy who created EVERYTHING. In seven days, I'll add?

Vanity is a sin, by the way.

We do what the bible tells us, and that includes preaching as the Bible tells us. If you can convince us that the Bible does not demand capital punishment for homosexuality, we will stop telling people that the bible demands capital punishment for homosexuality.

Yours in Christ,

Jeb.

[Magnum Innominandum]

Re: Hello

I, too, oppose homosexuality, but you must know that if you approach those living in sin like you approach them here, you only stand to draw them away from the truth further.

Dear Sir,

I was deeply saddened to read your recent comments in this thread and elsewhere. Nothing could be further from the truth. With all due respect, I do wonder how a Christian like yourself could be so mistaken. I can personally witness to the salutary effects upon the sinner of the power of the Lord and His definitive dogma as expressed through the vigorous fingers of the pastors and elders here, reaching out through the Internets to offer salvation to those in need. Praise!

Nevertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way to turn from it; if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul. (Ezekiel 33:9)

In my case, the namby-pamby weasel words of mollycoddling liberal "Christianity" would have had the effect of spitballs spat upon the armored back of a Satanic armadillo. I was born a man, but even before puberty I engaged in abominations I would fear to mention in this company were it not imperative to provide a verbal Polaroid of the hellfire that awaits those "confused about their sexuality" even before the Judgment, in the here and now. The very flames of Abaddon flicker upward through the sands and soils to lick at the wicked even as they wriggle about in their iniquity.

By the time I was a tween, gyrating before the bathroom mirror in my sister's underwear, a tube of KY jelly in one hand and the works of Oscar Wilde and like pornographers in the other, I had decided that "I was a woman in a man's body." These phrases -- and indeed this confusion -- are directly attributable to the queer lobby. If my father had played baseball instead of reading Nietzsche, and my mother had baked pies instead of doing volunteer work for Communist causes like saving whales and separating church and state, things might have turned out differently. I do not blame my parents -- they were mere marionettes of Mephistopheles, and weren't even American.

Soon I was selling my svelte, callipygous beefcake to the highest bidder. Though clawed by Negro procurers in furry, wide-brimmed hats and long mink coats and otherwise hindered, I managed to "fulfill my dream" -- or, rather, the Devil's dream that the homers, Communists and other secularists had planted in me, casting their evil seed into the moist furrows of my immature brain. I saved enough tainted money to move to Sweden and became, I thought, a woman.

The abyss of liberal thinking, though, is bottomless -- no sooner had I replaced my tallywacker with a female cave of love than I began to feel like a man in a woman's body. There is no limit to the varieties of sin, Sir! My cadaverous form, not unlike that of some of the walking corpses who call themselves "Goths" and come here to decry us -- though, unbeknownst to then, their screechings are actually a cry for help -- was capable of more sins than most; I have been both a homer and a lesbian. I took advantage of my new, artificial body to loiter in women's restrooms for nefarious purposes you can surely imagine.

Could I find Jesus when some lenient do-gooder fed me split pea soup and spoke of the Savior and His promise? No! No, no, and again no! No longer so callipygous and reduced to being a habitué/e of such kitchens, I slurped the porridge of these generous "Christians" and listened to their sermons. Often, having eaten my fill, I would spit in the pastor's face. On two occasions, I literally bit the hand that fed me. I didn't understand what they were saying anyway, their pleadings -- and later their screams -- being in Swedish.

And all the while I preyed upon the innocent -- I encouraged young people to oppose the invasion of Iraq, spoke well of the "socialism" (really Stalinism) that reigns here, lacked reverence for the place of the United States of America in the Lord's plan, and even urged children of the same gender to hold hands.

Perhaps, Sir, it is like that question posed most often by wretched rationalists -- if you were babysitting little Adolf and knew what he would do, would you suffer him to live? Not that everything Adolf did was bad -- he too had a place in the Lord's plan, I am certain -- but will you allow puling little queers to infect others with seductive poesy, the bouquets of Beelzebub clutched in their limp-wristed paws? Is it that you have more sympathy for these lisping agents of Lucifer than you do for good, strong American men devoted to the Lord's work, and their devoted, submissive wives?

No, Sir -- the leniency of the modern Christian, who is actually as post-Christian as the traitorous scum that spread the doctrine of evolution and send the children of the wholesome couple mentioned above to public schools and psyche-analists so perverted that they no longer recognize perversion... such leniency would have done nothing for me.

It was only when the thin wires of the American Internets reached my boreal hovel and I found Landover that the truth of Christ's teachings pierced my mind to reach my heart. Sometimes you have to tear the armor off the armadillo, Sir.

If you don't do that, the armadillos multiply. But witches, Goths, Catholics , and Negroes multiply in a worse manner than the lowly armadillo-- a possum on the half shell never dragged a beautiful white American child away from the potential of salvation by feeding it Freud or hip-hop.

Look around you, Sir. I fear that America could become like Canada or even Sweden. There are days when Polish politicians, some of whom at least attempted to enthrone Jesus Christ as King and investigate the queer propaganda carried by Tinky Winky, like unto a subliminal HIV virus, seem to have more guts than American politicians do these days. Is that what you want? Do you want Polacks to make Americans, Christ's favorite soldiers, look like effeminate queers?

I wish you a contemplative Christmas, my friend -- a Christmas with Christ in it. Put aside your terrible prejudices and meditate upon the meaning of the Savior -- and on the work that needs to be done to rescue wayward misfits from Satan's ghetto. Hard work -- tough love. Listen to the pastors here -- listen deeply, and lower the volume of your aural hallucinations of Klansmen and anti-Semites; there are no racists here, only True Christians™ trying to help people, whether they are flaming faggots, Negroes, or even Joos.

Listen, and look into your own eyes in the mirror. With all due respect, perhaps you've become an armadillo yourself. They are nearly blind and leap upwards when surprised -- straight into the undercarriage of vehicles domestic and foreign. Take care that Armageddon does not surprise you like a fine, American-made pickup truck surprises the armadillo -- your un-Christian liberalism, allowing the Devil to do his work unabated, will not be pleasing to the Lord.

Sincerely,
Magna, née Magnus