Hello

[Adolf The Repented]

Hi. I'm Adolf The Repented. ( Matthew 4:17 From that time on Jesus began to preach, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.")I was once a man of false virtue, and ill-repute. A scandalous sinner. However after finding Jesus I have repented for all sins that once castigated me to the eternal fire and brimstone of hell. I no longer torture others for my own personal pleasure. I now work to split the skulls of those non-believers with the fiery sword of Christ himself.

[Deaner]

Re: Hello

Hi. I'm Adolf The Repented. ( Matthew 4:17 From that time on Jesus began to preach, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.")I was once a man of false virtue, and ill-repute. A scandalous sinner. However after finding Jesus I have repented for all sins that once castigated me to the eternal fire and brimstone of hell. I no longer torture others for my own personal pleasure. I now work to split the skulls of those non-believers with the fiery sword of Christ himself.

Are you apologizing because you were a catlick or because you were born in europe?

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Hello

Well, Adolf, that sounds reasonable.

Let me give you a few informal hints about the online gathering of our Congregation.

1. The King James Bible is God's word. A post without a citation of the King James is like a pharisee without emerods.

The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed. Deuteronomy 28:27

2. No namby-pamby coddling of homersexurals, lieberals, demonrats, and other damned souls can be sanctioned. These people need to hear their failings OUT LOUD...lest they persist in error forever.

For the vile person will speak villany, and his heart will work iniquity, to practise hypocrisy, and to utter error against the LORD, to make empty the soul of the hungry, and he will cause the drink of the thirsty to fail. Isaiah 32:6

3. In your posts, seek to entertain as well as to enlighten. Most heathens have the attention span of brain-damaged chipmunks. Long boring posts (my specialty, unfortunately) are not great in Jesus' eyes.

----
Three priests went into a bar. The first one asked for a glass of water. When the bartender brought it he turned the water into wine and began to drink.

The second priest asked for a glass of wine, and when the bartender brought it he turned the wine into the blood of Christ and began to drink.

The third priest asked for a glass of urine. The bartender was nonplussed. "What do you want that for?" he asked.

"Aye, well," said the priest, "Yer see, mate, I'm not Catholic. I'm Anglican, and we're all taking the piss."
----

4. And that reminds me: NO POOFTERS.

5. There is no rule 5.

6. Salvation is serious business. God is watching you every second, and He may not like what He sees. Therefore don't do that which is an abomination, and keep your hands away from your weewee. Remember, it's real easy to get into Hell, but real hard to get out again.

What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth? Psalm 30:9

----

That's about all I can think of right now.

Praise ye the LORD!

~~ OEJ

[Adolf The Repented]

Re: Hello

Are you apologizing because you were a catlick or because you were born in europe?

Both.

[JennyD]

Re: Hello

Both.

Well said!