I like to think of myself as one of God's weapons in the war on sin. Earlier this afternoon, as I was finishing a milkshake in a Stuckeys parking lot in Yuma, Arizona, I saw something that made it impossible to finish my milkshake. A car pulled into the space next to mine, and there was a young couple inside. The problem was, THE WOMAN WAS DRIVING! We all know this to be very disrespectful to man, who God created in his image. I remembered that it is not appropriate to strike another man's property, so I attempted to reason with the emasculated young man. He acted as if there was nothing wrong with the woman driving. To make matters worse, he lit a cigarette as I was attempting to show him the way. So do you want to know what I did? I pulled out a lead pipe from my saddlebag and smashed his left kneecap in! He fell immediately and began to cry the way a weak woman does. Abandoning the pipe, I took my helmet and bashed his nose to a pulp with it, quoting scripture as I did so. I felt as if I was the Sword of Christ, smiting the heathen. The woman began screaming as I administered what the man deserved, and tried to use her cellphone to call the police. I jumped over the hood of the car before she could do so, and smashed her faggy rhinestone studded phone into pieces. Before jumping on my Harley and riding off, I kicked the crying, bloody, snotty young sinner in the groin as he was pissing himself. My brothers and sisters, it truly felt good to stand up for what's right, and if I could go back and do it again, I probably would have set fire to the car as well. My only lingering question is: should I have beaten the woman as well, or should I have left that up to the man, like I did?
Posted via Mobile Device