Salutations fellow Christians

[Chris T Christianson]

My is Rev. Chris T. Christianson and I discovered this site only recently and must say bravo! You are the only Christian souls brave enough to say what really needs to be said in todays society. I haven't attended a physical church in some time due to the fact they do not take the Bible literally enough and let in too much unsaved riff-raff. These people had their chance to be saved and now that chance is over!

Your brother in Christ,
Rev. Chris

P.S. Many of my ideas are already portrayed here on God's favorite forum, however I look forward to expressing to you many other conclusions I have come to from many long hours of arduous sweaty scripture deciphering (from the 1611 KJV only of course!)

[Bible Student]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

My is Rev. Chris T. Christianson and I discovered this site only recently and must say bravo! You are the only Christian souls brave enough to say what really needs to be said in todays society. I haven't attended a physical church in some time due to the fact they do not take the Bible literally enough and let in too much unsaved riff-raff. These people had their chance to be saved and now that chance is over!

Your brother in Christ,
Rev. Chris

P.S. Many of my ideas are already portrayed here on God's favorite forum, however I look forward to expressing to you many other conclusions I have come to from many long hours of arduous sweaty scripture deciphering (from the 1611 KJV only of course!)

Welcome. Now tell us a bit about yourself. How many soldiers for Christ has your wife borne you? Is her pie warm, moist and sweet, and what is your favorite. How long does it take for you to clean your gun/guns? Where and how often do you discharge your gun?

And most importantly how did you come to find Baby Jesus?

[Chris T Christianson]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

Thank you for your kind and warm welcome brother! I already feel at home here although it seems my views are a bit more radical seeing as how I was just infracted without even being here for an hour however Jesus taught me to forgive poor moderation techniques (not everyone can be good at the internet)

Welcome. Now tell us a bit about yourself.

Gladly!

How many soldiers for Christ has your wife borne you?

Only 4, I have tried unsuccessfully beating her many times hoping to make her realize she needs to become more fertile. Thankfully Jesus has blessed me with an overly fertile concubine who cares for my many illegitimate children without any support financial or otherwise.

Is her pie warm, moist and sweet, and what is your favorite.

Sadly I must admit her pie is neither warm or sweet. Turns out it is quite the opposite, dry and sour. However I must again thank Jesus for the sweaty concubine he has so graciously blessed me with.

How long does it take for you to clean your gun/guns? Where and how often do you discharge your gun?

It take me approximately 3 hours to clean my collection of firearms which exceeds 100. How do I do this you ask? I taught my children (the real ones going to heaven as well as the illegitimates who are destined to burn) to clean my firearms and they do quite a good job seeing as how I don't let them do anything else. Also I have them clean my firearms loaded, a lesson to always be ready for unbelievers.
And I discharge my firearms anywhere and anytime. It is an excellent way to relieve stress while in a traffic jam or crowded movie theaters (I only went to see Passion, don't worry) and prevents you from doing something sinful, such as cursing.

And most importantly how did you come to find Baby Jesus?

I have known him since I could read the bible (age 2) I was given a surprise baptism in the pacific ocean by my loving mother and father. If they had just thrown me in without the baptism I'm sure the Lord wouldn't have sent those kind brown fishermen who pulled me out of the water, proof of Jesus' unlimited mercy.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

Welcome Chris. Much of your post was a refreshing change from the usual depraved ramblings of the unsaved trash that wander in here. However, this alarms me:

I already feel at home here although it seems my views are a bit more radical seeing as how I was just infracted without even being here for an hour however Jesus taught me to forgive poor moderation techniques (not everyone can be good at the internet)

I must be reading this wrong, but it appears you are criticizing our moderators, many of whom are pastors and all of whom have been approved by pastors. That would certainly not be a productive way for you to endear yourself to our community. Please tell me I misinterpreted your above statement.

YIC,
Enoch

[Chris T Christianson]

Welcome Chris. Much of your post was a refreshing change from the usual depraved ramblings of the unsaved trash that wander in here. However, this alarms me:



I must be reading this wrong, but it appears you are criticizing our moderators, many of whom are pastors and all of whom have been approved by pastors. That would certainly not be a productive way for you to endear yourself to our community. Please tell me I misinterpreted your above statement.

YIC,
Enoch

I apologize for any misunderstanding it is entirely my fault that I misworded my response. That is the problem with conversing through text many things can be misinterpreted, much like every version of the bible save for the 1611 king james version.
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[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

My is Rev. Chris T. Christianson and I discovered this site only recently and must say bravo! You are the only Christian souls brave enough to say what really needs to be said in todays society. I haven't attended a physical church in some time due to the fact they do not take the Bible literally enough and let in too much unsaved riff-raff. These people had their chance to be saved and now that chance is over!

Your brother in Christ,
Rev. Chris

You claim to be a reverend, and at the same time claim to have not attended church in some time.

Why do I think you're lying to us, lady?

[Chris T Christianson]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

I am not a lady good sir, and I am indeed an ordained minister. I am currentlybin the process of building my own church because the only other "churches" in my area are jews and niv bible reading sinners.
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[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

I am not a lady good sir, and I am indeed an ordained minister. I am currentlybin the process of building my own church because the only other "churches" in my area are jews and niv bible reading sinners.
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Where were you ordained?

[Chris T Christianson]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

Westboro baptist church kind sir
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[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

Westboro baptist church kind sir
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Westboro Baptist Church is not a seminary.

How about telling the truth? You got "ordained" through some online ordination scam, so you could have a "clergy" sticker and use handicapped parking spaces, didn't you?

[Chris T Christianson]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

That is a very hurtful and uncalled for accusation my good sir, and furthermore I'll have you know there is more than one westboro baptist church!
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[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Salutations fellow Christians

That is a very hurtful and uncalled for accusation my good sir, and furthermore I'll have you know there is more than one westboro baptist church!
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Really? Show me the website of the one which is an accredited seminary. Oh, wait, there isn't one!

The sooner you stop sinning, the sooner you can be filled to overflowing with the unconditional Love of Jesus.