A True Christian (TM) Hello

[Dorson Family]

Hello there, True Christian (TM) Brothers and Sisters! I should introduce myself. I am Mr. Marcus Dorson, and the head of the Dorson Family Household. I have a wife, Gloria Dorson, who I straightened out after I noticed some un-feminine behaviors. She was wearing pants and other slut clothing - even speaking aloud in Church! I didn't want her to succumb to the symptoms of homosexuality, so I sent her away to a special Godly camp where we prayed the gay away and subdued all the demons, cast them out of her body, and cut them up into a million little pieces with our swords of Christ! At first she struggled, but we knew that was just a sign that the demons didn't want to leave! Now she is a submissive and obedient helper and homemaker who stays in the kitchen, instead of the Jezebel-like harlot she used to be. Also, she is not allowed to read or write. Now, some of you unsaved may be wondering: How do you get a woman to forget how to read and write? Well, first of all, she's a woman, so she's not very good at learning to begin with. All I had to do was hide all the reading materials in the house (which is all KJV Bible or True Christian (TM) Bible-related literature), and then, whenever I caught her looking in the general direction of text, I rub salt in her eyes to remind her of the punishment Lot's wife faced when she looked back on the hell-town of Sodom and turned into a pillar of pure sodium chloride! We are trying to have children so that we can raise them to be True Christians (TM) and win back America for GOD, but it seems that she is barren. I guess I'll just have to find my own handmaid to bear fruit for me. Would you Brothers and Sisters have any advice for my family on obtaining a child? Is adoption considered a Biblical option for Godly married True Christian (TM) couples who want children? In Christ, Marcus Dorson & Gloria Dorson

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: A True Christian ™ Hello

What sort of depraved God-mockery is this?

Forbidding a woman to read? How will she cook? How will she shop? How will she read the Bible? How will she homeschool your children?

And how DARE you, Unsaved Trash, falsely declare yourself to be a vetted member of Landover Baptist Church?!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: A True Christian ™ Hello

Friend, you are one sick puppy. No Christian I know of does or says things like this.

Take a hike.

[SoccerIsGay]

Re: A True Christian ™ Hello

she is not allowed to read or write? What kind of sick person are you? You have no right to call yourself a "True Christian".

[AgnosticGirl]

Re: A True Christian ™ Hello

Friend, you are one sick puppy. No Christian I know of does or says things like this.

Take a hike.

That is definitely something I can agree with you on. You're lucky someone doesn't call the cops on you.

[Born Again Bob]

Re: A True Christian ™ Hello

You're lucky someone doesn't call the cops on you.

Authorities have been notified. Thread closed.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: A True Christian ™ Hello

That is definitely something I can agree with you on. You're lucky someone doesn't call the cops on you.

I would urge you to call your local "bobby" up there in the frozen tundra of Cannuckistan and report us. Be sure and tell them that you are outraged about finding a group of True Christians(tm) practicing their religion exactly as the Holy Bible commands.