Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

[Henry Poppendorfer]

Brothers and sisters in Christ, let me first say, hallelujah! He is risen, and he is also scathing mad! I have seen the light, and goodness, brothers, have I been a wicked sinner! I must admit to knowing the feeling of sleeping in on Sundays, and I have on occasion allowed my son to stay out past 7:30. How dark those times were! Satan had me utterly in his grasp! Why, I didn't even spank my children, or even my wife!

But I got down on my knees and I promised Jesus that those days are behind me now. I see the light, and it has illuminated the disgusting abomination that was my life (as well as the disgusting abominations that were my family members, before they, too, were saved, with a little convincing from your site. Thank you so much! But more than that, thank the Lord, we may now all please him together! Hallelujah!). Members of Landover Baptist Church, will you help this repentant sinner worship Jesus? The RIGHT way?

[Henry Poppendorfer]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Get behind me, Satan! Your trickery has made me forget to post my favorite bible verse! Without a doubt, it would be Leviticus 20:9-12:

For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.

Amen! I adore this passage! God is almighty, and woe be to those who do not follow His word!

[Cursed]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Welcome to God's Favorite Forum!

If you don't have a 1611 King James Bible already, get one! There's also a free online version of the King James Bible.

Next, read it, and follow the Word of God! Only be submitting to GOD and accepting Jesus into your heart can you find the narrow gate to heaven.

You can do it!

[Henry Poppendorfer]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Welcome to God's Favorite Forum!

If you don't have a 1611 King James Bible already, get one! There's also a free online version of the King James Bible.

Next, read it, and follow the Word of God! Only be submitting to GOD and accepting Jesus into your heart can you find the narrow gate to heaven.

You can do it!

Brother Cursed, as a matter of fact I did find just that among my family's archives, while frantically searching for a Bible version which did not contain disgusting, deceitful liberal slanders against Christ the Lord, portraying him as some sort of free-love-spouting, bearded, unkempt freak! Upon its discovery, I promptly called up and subsequently rebuked my heathen mother for having never read it to me, and for raising me in such a GOD-forsaken household. I pray that such horrid upbringings can come to an end soon, though looking through Revelations, fat chance! I know the Lord doesn't want most of these filthy sinners in Heaven anyways.

[MisterM]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Welcome

Praise God that He has shown you the light and LBC forum. Glory! I can see that you are filled with love of Jesus!

But did you forgot something?

YiC,
Miikkael

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Welcome, Henry! I must confess I'm a bit concerned about your characterization of yourself as a "former sinner."

See, this is kind of a problem, Henry, because God told me in no-uncertain terms that you are, in fact, a sinner. He didn't say anything about you being a "former sinner," Henry; He told me that you are very definitely sinning right now, even as I type these words!

But don't take my word for it, Henry. I'll just copy and paste what God had to say about you:

1 John 1:8-10

If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

So, Henry, it seems the choice you've placed before me is that I have to figure out whether it's you or God who's lying to me.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Brother Cursed, as a matter of fact I did find just that among my family's archives, while frantically searching for a Bible version which did not contain disgusting, deceitful liberal slanders against Christ the Lord, portraying him as some sort of free-love-spouting, bearded, unkempt freak! Upon its discovery, I promptly called up and subsequently rebuked my heathen mother for having never read it to me, and for raising me in such a GOD-forsaken household. I pray that such horrid upbringings can come to an end soon, though looking through Revelations, fat chance! I know the Lord doesn't want most of these filthy sinners in Heaven anyways.

Ah yes, the curse of the false fuzzy bunny family. So which NIV following cult were you raised in? Or did you use the KJV and bottles of white-out?

I'm glad you found your way out. We've found that it's more difficult for a false Christian to find their way to True Christianity(TM) than an atheist. At least the atheist knows they're spitting in God's face.

[Henry Poppendorfer]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Welcome, Henry! I must confess I'm a bit concerned about your characterization of yourself as a "former sinner."

See, this is kind of a problem, Henry, because God told me in no-uncertain terms that you are, in fact, a sinner. He didn't say anything about you being a "former sinner," Henry; He told me that you are very definitely sinning right now, even as I type these words!

But don't take my word for it, Henry. I'll just copy and paste what God had to say about you:




So, Henry, it seems the choice you've placed before me is that I have to figure out whether it's you or God who's lying to me.

What a righteous question! Or rather, concern. You see, Machine, immediately before posting anything, I pray to the Lord for forgiveness of all my sins, to cover my bases, but mostly to beg his forgiveness for simply being on the internet in the first place and using tools made by the filthy and the unrighteous. Sometimes, if I have some extra time, I'll also pray to Jesus that Al Gore either finds God or is eaten by a polar bear for his vicious, deceitful lies and attacks on the Lord's creation.

So you see, at the time of this thread's creation, I was freshly absolved of my sins.

[Henry Poppendorfer]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Ah yes, the curse of the false fuzzy bunny family. So which NIV following cult were you raised in? Or did you use the KJV and bottles of white-out?

I'm glad you found your way out. We've found that it's more difficult for a false Christian to find their way to True Christianity™ than an atheist. At least the atheist knows they're spitting in God's face.

Sister Believer, you couldn't imagine how sinful it was! My parents did not even mention that there was even such a thing as the King James Bible to me. I was raised on Satanic lies from the mouth of that king of lies' foul spellbook, the NIV. My parents even raised me Unitarian! What horrific child abuse, I'm so lucky not to have turned into an axe murderer, or worse, a democrat!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Oh, that comes as a great relief! Thank you Harry, for reminding me that I need to pray and repent more often, throughout my day!

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

Sister Believer, you couldn't imagine how sinful it was! My parents did not even mention that there was even such a thing as the King James Bible to me. I was raised on Satanic lies from the mouth of that king of lies' foul spellbook, the NIV. My parents even raised me Unitarian! What horrific child abuse, I'm so lucky not to have turned into an axe murderer, or worse, a democrat!

I know the feeling.

My mother was Presbyterian, but it was back in the good old days when they actually told people they were hell bound sinners. Then she passed away and my father turned fuzzy bunny baptist. They didn't eve give the kids Bibles, just little slips of paper with quotes on them. Fortunately I still had the Bible my mother had given me when I was 6 so around the age of 13 I started questioning some of the quotes. Also I started questioning the "not so nice" things in the Bible and some of the stuff they were preaching that was completely non-Biblical.

Anyway, that's not the full story, but it's a quick summary. I wasn't happy until I found my husband and a church that could answer my questions about the Bible. Fundamental Independent Baptist is the only True Christian Church out there.

[Henry Poppendorfer]

Re: Please Allow This Former Sinner Into Your Fold

I know the feeling.

My mother was Presbyterian, but it was back in the good old days when they actually told people they were hell bound sinners. Then she passed away and my father turned fuzzy bunny baptist. They didn't eve give the kids Bibles, just little slips of paper with quotes on them. Fortunately I still had the Bible my mother had given me when I was 6 so around the age of 13 I started questioning some of the quotes. Also I started questioning the "not so nice" things in the Bible and some of the stuff they were preaching that was completely non-Biblical.

Anyway, that's not the full story, but it's a quick summary. I wasn't happy until I found my husband and a church that could answer my questions about the Bible. Fundamental Independent Baptist is the only True Christian Church out there.

They didn't even give the kids Bibles? Savages! That's the kind of foul trickery that fuels the onanisms of Satan himself! What poor, underprivileged children to not even be allowed to learn of God's TRUE love for them! No slip of paper can reproduce the power of the Bible. Unless they were supplementary Chick Tracts (sadly, even those are really beginning to slip, in them, "true" Christians allow an alarming number of heathens to feel God's love), Jesus wasn't laughing.