Hello All

[Scheherazade]

I joined this forum as it was apparent to me that this was the only to save my soul from burning in Hell for all eternity.

I have much going against me, as I am currently a Muslim, a Sand Nigger, and a teenage girl, though I am unspoiled.

Despite my shortcomings, I hope to join the true faith and reach salvation, fleeing my native nation of Iran and beginning a new life in the United States.

I am unsure if I am too young for it now, but I hope to marry a Christian man who will ensure that my role as a wife will be properly fulfilled, keeping me confined to either the kitchen, when he wants food, or to the bedroom, when he wants children.

Please guide me to the true path.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Hello All

All I can do now is pray that the Lord keeps you safe until sometime soon when our soldiers come to liberate your country. Maybe God will send you a nice US Marine.

Be safe and God Bless you.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Hello All

If you can find a husband before you flee that god-forsaken sand pit you call a nation I will personally meet you and your new white American god fearing husband at th eairport and escort you and he to Landover personally.
If, however you plan on arriving ghere unspoken for, with your filthy wizened little brown hand stretched out in anticipation of receiving social security, forget it. We have more than enough of that type here as it is. I believe there are some freeholdmembers who may require a domestic servant, however I cannot recommend a muslim squaw. Youll need converting to thwe one true faith before we could even consider giving you a position as a domestic.

[Scheherazade]

Re: Hello All

How would I go about converting to the true faith?

Once I have achieved that much, I will only have to wait until Iran is liberated and a beautifully pale United States soldier decides to take me as his bride.

Until then, I will ensure that my abominable brown body never sets foot on holy American soil.

Is there any way to hasten the United States' liberation of Iran?

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Hello All

How would I go about converting to the true faith?

Once I have achieved that much, I will only have to wait until Iran is liberated and a beautifully pale United States soldier decides to take me as his bride.

Until then, I will ensure that my abominable brown body never sets foot on holy American soil.

Is there any way to hasten the United States' liberation of Iran?

Patience. I suggest finding somewhere out of the firing line, away from high value targets like Electricity sub-stations, military installations and schools, hospitals etc. and just biding your time. Once GWB sees fit to liberate Iran, we will need you and others like you to take up lowly and poorly paid positions in the infrastructure to help clean up after our soldiers and bury your neighbours and family members who get caught out in 'friendly' fire.
Comfort women may receive preferential treatment, have you considered being a 'host' to some of our red-blooded troops?

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Hello All

How would I go about converting to the true faith?

Here are the instructions. That link might not work because the domain is blocked in a lot of middle eastern countries. If so, you can read the Google cached version here.

Is there any way to hasten the United States' liberation of Iran?

Look for white guys wearing beards and out-of-fashion Iranian clothes, speaking broken Persian. Those will be US intelligence agents. Approach them and tell them you have information regarding your country's nuclear weapons program. Tell them that Iran will have a nuclear device within six months. Make up any details you want after that. They will believe whatever you say, because it will be exactly what they want to hear.

It worked for Curveball.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Scheherazade]

Re: Hello All

Thank you, Pastor Billy-Reuben and Brother Guy.

I will convert, bide my time, and be on the lookout for U.S. Intelligence agents.

Perhaps if I follow your advice, Brother Guy, and comfort several of your troops, I may have the opportunity to find a husband and be on the first helicopter out of Iran.

I will attempt to further integrate myself into the community here, if possible.

I am unsure as to whether or not a filthy sand negress such as myself is fit to share presence with such gloriously pale and holy people, but I will try.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Hello All

Thank you, Pastor Billy-Reuben and Brother Guy.

I will convert, bide my time, and be on the lookout for U.S. Intelligence agents.

Perhaps if I follow your advice, Brother Guy, and comfort several of your troops, I may have the opportunity to find a husband and be on the first helicopter out of Iran.

I will attempt to further integrate myself into the community here, if possible.

I am unsure as to whether or not a filthy sand negress such as myself is fit to share presence with such gloriously pale and holy people, but I will try.

Of course you arent 'fit' for our boys, but they are men after all,and masturbation is a terrible sin. So, please make sure you bathe regularly and disinfect thoroughly. Pray every day to Jesus for guidance,and when the firing starts, keep your head down.

[JennyD]

Re: Hello All

Miss S, the Lord guided me to your other post, OVER HERE.

I hope you find my response there useful.

Once again, Landover thanks you for not exploding.