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  • James Hutchins
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Lostman View Post
    Right, which is my plan, i just didn't want to go all out on my first post.....I have another question about the man to man oral. I remember a passage in the bible, i do not remember which book, or the mans name, but he was punished by god for spilling a seen on the ground. By spitting it out, haven't you wasted a seed and killed millions of sperm that should have been made into more human lives? That seems like a million abortions all wrapped up into one event. Which horrifies me.
    Aren't you worrying about blowing yourself? I've heard that happens when you people powerfully stroke yourselves.

    The mere idea of what you say horrifies me, and on Gods day, of days. Shame on you!

    Leave a comment:


  • Lostman
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
    Good Lord, man: are you pooping in your sleep?

    I'm not, i was just saying haha

    Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
    Any employer who fired you under those circumstances would be guilty of religious bigotry and discrimination. They'll let Muslims take extra breaks that other people don't get just so they can pray toward Mecca and plan bombings throughout the day, but they won't give you a day off to purify yourself after committing sleep sodomy.


    The next time you wake up with sticky man-goo all over the inside of your pajamas, I urge you to phone in to work and explain that you need to take the day off in accordance with God's law. If they fire or reprimand you, this would make an excellent test case for Landover's civil rights lawyers.
    Ya know, you do have a very solid point i must say.

    Leave a comment:


  • Faith_Machine
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Lostman View Post
    I cant just call off work because i jizzed myself while i was sleeping. I'd lose my job...
    Any employer who fired you under those circumstances would be guilty of religious bigotry and discrimination. They'll let Muslims take extra breaks that other people don't get just so they can pray toward Mecca and plan bombings throughout the day, but they won't give you a day off to purify yourself after committing sleep sodomy.


    The next time you wake up with sticky man-goo all over the inside of your pajamas, I urge you to phone in to work and explain that you need to take the day off in accordance with God's law. If they fire or reprimand you, this would make an excellent test case for Landover's civil rights lawyers.

    Leave a comment:


  • Zechariah Smyth
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Lostman View Post
    What is the reasoning for that? I cant just call off work because i jizzed myself while i was sleeping. I'd lose my job which would mean no more money which would mean i couldn't support my family which would mean i am not a real man. Man this stuff is confusing me. I hope i can reach the same level of understanding y'all have. Are we sure that the verse wasn't talking about someone crapping themselves in their sleep? That would make a lot more sense because that is horribly filthy and unsanitary and stinks like what i would assume the pits of hell smell like.
    Good Lord, man: are you pooping in your sleep?

    Leave a comment:


  • Lostman
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
    Deuteronomy 23:10 If there be among you any man, that is not clean by reason of uncleanness that chanceth him by night, then shall he go abroad out of the camp, he shall not come within the camp: 11But it shall be, when evening cometh on, he shall wash himself with water: and when the sun is down, he shall come into the camp again.

    If you have a wet dream you must separate yourself from others for a day. You must clean yourself thoroughly.

    YIC

    Jack
    What is the reasoning for that? I cant just call off work because i jizzed myself while i was sleeping. I'd lose my job which would mean no more money which would mean i couldn't support my family which would mean i am not a real man. Man this stuff is confusing me. I hope i can reach the same level of understanding y'all have. Are we sure that the verse wasn't talking about someone crapping themselves in their sleep? That would make a lot more sense because that is horribly filthy and unsanitary and stinks like what i would assume the pits of hell smell like.

    Leave a comment:


  • Jack O'fagan
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Lostman View Post

    Also, what about wet dreams?
    Deuteronomy 23:10 If there be among you any man, that is not clean by reason of uncleanness that chanceth him by night, then shall he go abroad out of the camp, he shall not come within the camp: 11But it shall be, when evening cometh on, he shall wash himself with water: and when the sun is down, he shall come into the camp again.

    If you have a wet dream you must separate yourself from others for a day. You must clean yourself thoroughly.

    YIC

    Jack

    Leave a comment:


  • Lostman
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
    The fellow you're thinking of is Onan. If you read the relevant passage carefully, though, you'll see that Onan's sin was not simply the spilling of seed:




    Though it clearly displeases God when you murder unborn children by ejaculating anywhere other than a into a fertile womb, Onan's true sin was selfishness: He was spilling his seed in order to avoid doing his duty, which was to impregnate his dead brother's wife. He did not want to do this because he didn't want to give her children who would then be entitled to part of his fortune.

    In the case of our Brother Zechariah, there was probably no fertile womb within easy spitting distance, so it's just as well that he spat the seed onto the stomach of the man he'd been raping with his mouth. Had he swallowed the seed, I believe he would have also been guilty of cannibalism.

    You'll find that Zechariah is one of the Godliest, most heterosexual men you could ever hope to meet. The Lord really does have a knack from lifting people out of the lowest places and making them shine!
    Makes sense, but this brings another question. What you said implies that oral sex with a woman is a sin, as is wearing a condom or using birth control, even with your wife who you are encouraged by god to have sex with. Sex is supposed to be a thing of love, but what if you love your wife, and want to show her that by having mutual pleasure, but having a kid is out of the question due to financial or other reasons? Also what if she is not fertile? You said it displeases god to ejaculate somewhere other than a fertile womb.

    Also, what about wet dreams? You are ejaculating with no fertile womb with no fertile womb there as well. I'm just trying to understand, this is all new to me.

    Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
    Absolutely not.

    You may be able to play semantic games with yourself or with other people, but God sees right through them.
    Ok, i was just unsure, i just needed some clarification.

    Leave a comment:


  • Faith_Machine
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Lostman View Post
    So as a christian we can still do whatever we want as long as we ask for forgiveness?
    Absolutely not.

    You may be able to play semantic games with yourself or with other people, but God sees right through them.

    Leave a comment:


  • Zechariah Smyth
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Lostman View Post
    So as a christian we can still do whatever we want as long as we ask for forgiveness?
    No.

    This is difficult to understand for some people, but asking for forgiveness is only the first step toward true repentance. There are no Cliff Notes or Rosetta Stones for Redemption, my friend.

    If you are looking for shortcuts, you need to take a path that includes 31,000 (roughly) Bible verses.

    YiC,

    Zech

    Leave a comment:


  • Faith_Machine
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Lostman View Post

    I have another question about the man to man oral. I remember a passage in the bible, i do not remember which book, or the mans name, but he was punished by god for spilling a seen on the ground. By spitting it out, haven't you wasted a seed and killed millions of sperm that should have been made into more human lives? That seems like a million abortions all wrapped up into one event. Which horrifies me.
    The fellow you're thinking of is Onan. If you read the relevant passage carefully, though, you'll see that Onan's sin was not simply the spilling of seed:

    Genesis 38:9-10

    9And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

    10And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

    Though it clearly displeases God when you murder unborn children by ejaculating anywhere other than a into a fertile womb, Onan's true sin was selfishness: He was spilling his seed in order to avoid doing his duty, which was to impregnate his dead brother's wife. He did not want to do this because he didn't want to give her children who would then be entitled to part of his fortune.

    In the case of our Brother Zechariah, there was probably no fertile womb within easy spitting distance, so it's just as well that he spat the seed onto the stomach of the man he'd been raping with his mouth. Had he swallowed the seed, I believe he would have also been guilty of cannibalism.

    You'll find that Zechariah is one of the Godliest, most heterosexual men you could ever hope to meet. The Lord really does have a knack from lifting people out of the lowest places and making them shine!

    Leave a comment:


  • Redeemed Papist
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Unless you blaspheme the Holy Spirit Mark 3:29

    Leave a comment:


  • Lostman
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    So as a christian we can still do whatever we want as long as we ask for forgiveness?

    Leave a comment:


  • Jack O'fagan
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Lostman View Post
    I have another question about the man to man oral. I remember a passage in the bible, i do not remember which book, or the mans name, but he was punished by god for spilling a seen on the ground. By spitting it out, haven't you wasted a seed and killed millions of sperm that should have been made into more human lives? That seems like a million abortions all wrapped up into one event. Which horrifies me.
    Brother Zechariah salvation was not based on the spitting/swallowing choice but it was his choice to "accepted Christ into my heart, repented for my sins" that saved him. To be honest he could have been disgusted with himself for his homer behaviour and shot the guy in the head (he is small fire arms trained) and as long has he genuinely repented and accepted Jesus he would still be saved.

    GLORY!

    Jack

    Leave a comment:


  • Zechariah Smyth
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Lostman View Post
    Right, which is my plan, i just didn't want to go all out on my first post.



    I did explain to her with reason, i worked all day earning money to support us while she had the day off and did pretty much nothing all day, and i come home to a dirty house, dishes in the sink, dirt on the floor, and dirty clothes in the bedroom. She argued, i tried reasoning with her, it didn't work, and i hit her. She left and got her father who held a gun to my face and said if i ever laid a hand on her again he would pull the trigger next time.

    I have another question about the man to man oral. I remember a passage in the bible, i do not remember which book, or the mans name, but he was punished by god for spilling a seen on the ground. By spitting it out, haven't you wasted a seed and killed millions of sperm that should have been made into more human lives? That seems like a million abortions all wrapped up into one event. Which horrifies me.
    You're probably thinking about Onan (Genesis 38:9-10). This only serves to highlight the importance of timely repentance!!!

    YiC,

    Zech

    Leave a comment:


  • Lostman
    replied
    Re: Lost and need help

    Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
    Guess again, buddy! God didn't bring you here so you could pussyfoot around, mince words, and stay within your timid little comfort zone.

    God brought you here so you could confess your sins, ALL OF THEM, in as much detail as possible!

    Let it all out, son; we are here for you.
    Right, which is my plan, i just didn't want to go all out on my first post.

    Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
    Did you explain to her the REASON, or did you simply hit her in a rage? Big difference, BIG difference.





    Check THIS out:

    (Matthew 24:36) "But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only."

    Nobody knows, not even Jesus (in His earthly form) knows when the end of the world is coming. Which brings us to this:



    If I had died with a man's tallywhacker in my mouth (or my bottom), I would now be burning for eternity in everlasting flames.



    BUT, if I would've spit his seed on his hairy belly, accepted Christ into my heart, repented for my sins and THEN died, I'd be spending eternity nestled in Jesus' loving arms!

    AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID!!!!!



    YiC,

    Zech
    I did explain to her with reason, i worked all day earning money to support us while she had the day off and did pretty much nothing all day, and i come home to a dirty house, dishes in the sink, dirt on the floor, and dirty clothes in the bedroom. She argued, i tried reasoning with her, it didn't work, and i hit her. She left and got her father who held a gun to my face and said if i ever laid a hand on her again he would pull the trigger next time.

    I have another question about the man to man oral. I remember a passage in the bible, i do not remember which book, or the mans name, but he was punished by god for spilling a seen on the ground. By spitting it out, haven't you wasted a seed and killed millions of sperm that should have been made into more human lives? That seems like a million abortions all wrapped up into one event. Which horrifies me.

    Leave a comment:

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