It's me again, guys...

[Turtlesaurus]

I'm sure you remember me. Well, I've done a whole lot of thinking and praying, and boy have things changed. I quit my Pentecostal Church of demon worshipers and began attending a nice, southern baptist church instead. I'd like to make a new introduction thread - after all, I am a new being.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: It's me again, guys...

I'm sure you remember me. Well, I've done a whole lot of thinking and praying, and boy have things changed. I quit my Pentecostal Church of demon worshipers and began attending a nice, southern baptist church instead. I'd like to make a new introduction thread - after all, I am a new being.

Post the link to your new church. I probably know the Pastor.

[Turtlesaurus]

Re: It's me again, guys...

Post the link to your new church. I probably know the Pastor.

It doesn't have a website, it was started by a local man about 70 years ago. it is called Faith Baptist, but I'm sure there are hundreds if not thousands of churches that share that name.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: It's me again, guys...

It doesn't have a website, it was started by a local man about 70 years ago. it is called Faith Baptist, but I'm sure there are hundreds if not thousands of churches that share that name.

I'm sure you're sure. That's why you chose it.

What's the Pastor's name?

[Turtlesaurus]

Re: It's me again, guys...

I'm sure you're sure. That's why you chose it.

What's the Pastor's name?

John Kinsey if I spelled it correctly.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: It's me again, guys...

John Kinsey if I spelled it correctly.

I presume you mean PASTOR John Kinsey?

[Turtlesaurus]

Re: It's me again, guys...

I presume you mean PASTOR John Kinsey?

No, that isn't him. I am in Virginia.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: It's me again, guys...

No, that isn't him. I am in Virginia.

This church?

Emporia - Faith Baptist Church, 951 W. Atlantic St. (Hwy. 58 West), Emporia, VA 23847. 434-634-9313 [Pastor John Kinsey johndkinsey@juno.com]

I'm going to call the Pastor and have him check his registry, so you'd better not lie, son.

[Turtlesaurus]

Re: It's me again, guys...

This church?



I'm going to call the Pastor and have him check his registry, so you'd better not lie, son.

That's him.

[Turtlesaurus]

Re: It's me again, guys...

I haven't been going there for very long, though, I am not a registered member. I wouldn't be in his registry yet.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: It's me again, guys...

I'm sure you remember me.

Nope.

But welcome back.

Turtlesaurus is a funny name. Are you Greek?

[Turtlesaurus]

Re: It's me again, guys...

Meh. this isn't as interesting as I thought it would be. I was gonna gain the ability to post outside of newbies, then shit all over your forum. I used google to find a pastor and church and fool you fucking retards. But ultimately, you're all so retarded that you aren't worth the effort. Ban me or whatever.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Meh. this isn't as interesting as I thought it would be. I was gonna gain the ability to post outside of newbies, then shit all over your forum. I used google to find a pastor and church and fool you fucking retards. But ultimately, you're all so retarded that you aren't worth the effort. Ban me or whatever.

Agreed.



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth
Posted via Mobile Device

[Faith_Machine]

Re: It's me again, guys...

Meh. this isn't as interesting as I thought it would be. I was gonna gain the ability to post outside of newbies, then shit all over your forum. I used google to find a pastor and church and fool you piffleing retards. But ultimately, you're all so retarded that you aren't worth the effort. Ban me or whatever.

Wait...

You came here to troll us!?!?!?!?

Why on Earth would you do such a thing? Are you some kind of sociopath?

[Turtlesaurus]

Re: It's me again, guys...

Oh, and here ya go Faith Machine:

_Hello,
_Namaste,
_Blessed Be,
_Word Up,
_Orale Vato,
xGreetings,

My name is __________ and I am a

_false Christian
_Buddhist
_Wiccan
_Satanist
_"Free Thinker"
_Unitarian
_Mormon
_mormon
_idolator
_homosexual
_drug addict
_hippie
_Lutheran
_European
x"1337 haxxor"
_Methodist
_Feminazi

(check all that apply)

_I attend _____________ (enter name of non-existent Church)
xI attend _____________ (enter name of church you found in the Yellow Pages)
_I do not belong to any church or believe in organized religion.
_The Earth and the trees are my church.


_My favorite Bible verse is ____________________________________ (Copy and paste random verse from NIV Life Application Study Bible)

_I have ___ children.

I am

_unmarried.
_married to a man.
_married to a woman.
xmarried to a toaster.
_married to several men.
_married to several women.
_married to several men and women.
_married to several men, women, and toasters.

(check all that apply)

I am here to

xwaste your time.
xamuse myself.
xlie to you.
_use circumlocution to obfuscate the fact that I am a moral relativist.
_use misinterpretations of scripture to create the false impression of the Bible contradicting itself.
_horrify you.
_flaunt my gay "lifestyle."
_lead you astray.
xflame you.
_make you feel sorry for me.
_get you all worked up.
_send my unsolicited "dick pics" to Forum Members or True Christians with whom I'd like to have "cyber-sex."

(check all that apply)

When my initial post doesn't get the reaction I was hoping for, I will

_take things up a notch.
_play dumb.
_drop my thin veneer of civility.
_act like a baby.
_copy and paste meaningless garbage from Wikipedia.
_copy and paste meaningless garbage from "scientific" publications.
_get on my high horse.
_say I feel sorry for all of you.
_accuse you of being racists.
_accuse you of being homophobic.
_accuse you of being xenophobic.
_decry your blatant misogyny.
_insist that I understand the Bible better than you.