X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 1
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous template Next
  • #1

    Help a brother out?

    Hello my True Christian™ friends!

    Let me introduce myself again, since I haven't gotten on in a while.
    My name is Storm, and I became a Christian sometime in October. Ironic that it's the devil's month.

    Anyhoo, I would just like to say I've missed you all. I love each one of my brothers in Christ! But I need your help.

    I try to read the Bible each day, and I just recently started reading it again. It's like Satan just makes me feel like I don't have enough time in the day.

    Can you guys help me find some motivation to read it? Self Discipline? I know this is really terrible, and I should go to hell for it, but maybe you guys can give me a boost!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Help a brother out?

    The certainty of hell should be enough of a motivator, boy.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Help a brother out?

      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
      The certainty of hell should be enough of a motivator, boy.
      Your right, Pastor, I just have to get myself disciplined on it.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Help a brother out?

        Originally posted by StormP View Post
        I try to read the Bible each day, and I just recently started reading it again. It's like Satan just makes me feel like I don't have enough time in the day.
        Satan can't make you feel anything.

        You are wilfully choosing to put other matters before God. By so doing, you are choosing an eternity in His Lake of Fire.

        What in your life is more important than the Creator of the Universe, who demands your unceasing praise?
        Bible boring? Nonsense!
        Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
        You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Help a brother out?

          Every time I hear "help a brother out," I assume a black man is asking me for money.

          If that's the case, StormP, you may rest assured that I am "down."

          Forward to me your contact details, and for every Bible verse you successfully complete, I will send you ten cents.

          You're on the honor system here, so no cheating!
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Help a brother out?

            By the way, my Nubian brother, this means that if you read the whole Bible, I will owe you $3,110.20!


            I'm seriously considering withdrawing this offer, so I suggest you get to reading before I change my mind!
            WARNING:
            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Help a brother out?

              Originally posted by StormP View Post
              Can you guys help me find some motivation to read it? Self Discipline? I know this is really terrible, and I should go to hell for it, but maybe you guys can give me a boost!
              You can have no motivation at all. Either you're a vessel of the Holy Spirit and Christ works through you, or you thwart His Holy Attempts at controlling you. If you want motivation to read your Holy Bible (from cover to cover, don't skip anything, it's all good!), you need to get good with God. In order to be good with God you need to be a willing slave to Christ. The more you're willing to give, the more you'll get back:
              Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. (Luke 6:38)

              You should start by giving your paycheck to Landover Baptist Church Office of Accounting (don't be stingy!). Let the True Christians there be stewards of the money God has given to you, and watch God reward you!
              Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Help a brother out?

                Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                Every time I hear "help a brother out," I assume a black man is asking me for money.

                If that's the case, StormP, you may rest assured that I am "down."

                Forward to me your contact details, and for every Bible verse you successfully complete, I will send you ten cents.

                You're on the honor system here, so no cheating!
                Praise! You would not believe the number of former Jews who have been saved by this tried-and-tested method. Except with Jews it's best not to use the honor system, for obvious reasons.
                O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                Comment

                Previous template Next
                Working...
                X