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  • Johny Joe Hold
    Mayor of Freehold
     
    • Feb 2010
    • 12653

    #16
    Re: Hello to Everybody.

    An official welcome, Mrs. Portway. It's wonderful to know another homemaker is living in Freehold.

    Knowing Mr. Portway, I anticipate he will be "out with the boys" quite often, talking business. Please contact my office for a list of the Bible study groups in your neighborhood for those long evenings.
    Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

    Comment

    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78555

      #17
      Re: Hello to Everybody.

      Great. Another gossiping hen for the congregation.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • Mary Etheldreda
        Gushing for Jesus
         
        • Sep 2011
        • 23775

        #18
        Re: Hello to Everybody.

        Originally posted by Mrs. Naomi Portway View Post
        Yes Maam, I will be having alot of babies according to Aaron. How many have you had? Does it hurt alot?
        Yes dear, it hurts every time. This is our LORD'S reminder of the curse (Genesis 3:16) and our duty as help meets (1 Corinthians 11:3). It is because our LORD is so merciful that He hasn't demanded justice from our sinful rebellion (1 Corinthians 11:3; Romans 6:23). The pain in childbirth is God's way of saying He he's letting us off with just a warning.

        Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050

          #19
          Re: Hello to Everybody.

          Welcome, Mrs. Portway! You must be a very trustworthy young lady for Captain Portway to be willing to leave you unsupervised during those long airplane flights of his. I certainly don't blame him for leaving you locked inside! If there's ever a fire or anything, you can probably pray the flames away. Just to be on the safe side, though, you should keep the phone number for the Freehold Fire Department handy.

          That is, assuming you're allowed to have a phone.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

          Comment

          • Brother Enoch
            The Godliest Man in Godless Canuckistan
            True Christian™
            • Jun 2008
            • 4392

            #20
            Re: Hello to Everybody.

            Nice to see you here Mrs Portway.

            My daughters so enjoy their chats with you on the skype.

            Comment

            • Good Christian Woman
              True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Nov 2011
              • 349

              #21
              Re: Hello to Everybody.

              Originally posted by Mrs. Naomi Portway View Post
              Thank you all for all the wedding presents. Mom, I miss you and maybe Aaron will let us see each other soon, but right now he says my job is to be his wife and do what he says, so thats what I'm doing.

              YIC

              Mrs. Naomi Portway
              He's quite right, darling. Being a wife is your first priority right now.

              Lots of love. <3
              1 Corinthians 14:34 Shut up and get back in the kitchen!

              Comment

              • Mrs. Naomi Portway
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Apr 2012
                • 123

                #22
                Re: Hello to Everybody.

                Thanks Mom, I know but I just miss you so much and I'm trying to be a good wife but its different than I thought it would be. Its not like in those stories. But if this is what Dad and God wants, then I will keep trying and I will make Aaron trust me so I can see you again.
                Aaron said I should have this for my signature to remind me how to be a good wife.

                "Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

                Pat Robertson

                Comment

                • Faith_Machine
                  Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                  True Christian™
                  • Mar 2011
                  • 10050

                  #23
                  Re: Hello to Everybody.

                  It sounds like you may have possibly done some bad things already that have made Captain Portway feel reluctant to trust you. Would you like to tell us about them?
                  WARNING:
                  In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                  REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                  Comment

                  • handmaiden
                    Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
                    True Christian™
                    • May 2010
                    • 11410

                    #24
                    Re: Hello to Everybody.

                    Welcome to the forum, dearie. Yes, childbirth does hurt. As one earnest young believer pointed out upon hearing of a woman who was given an epidural "Isn't the whole point to feel God punishing you?"

                    Remember though, God punishes us because He loves us so. And that is why your husband will punish you from time to time, as well. And when you have those beautiful little babies that you will love so much, you will, in turn, punish them out of the great love that you have learned from knowing God and serving your husband.

                    Punishment really is the love that keeps on giving.


                    Optimisticly Yours,

                    Handmaiden
                    His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

                    Guns For God and the Economy

                    Comment

                    • Father Anderson
                      Unsaved trash
                      Under Investigation
                      • Apr 2012
                      • 14

                      #25
                      Re: Hello to Everybody.

                      It is indeed a joy to see you here. I was not yet registered to this forum but did see the thread about Cpt. Portways' marriage.

                      I sure do hope mine will be as marvellous as Cpt. Portways'. I will be looking forward to hearing from your successful relationship. Be saved soon.

                      YIC,
                      A
                      Psalms 149 :
                      7To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people;
                      8To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron;
                      9To execute upon them the judgment written: this honour have all his saints. Praise ye the LORD.

                      Comment

                      • Devoutbaptist
                        Unsaved trash
                        Under Investigation
                        • Apr 2012
                        • 11

                        #26
                        Re: Hello to Everybody.

                        Originally posted by Mrs. Naomi Portway View Post
                        Aaron said I should get on the forum and introduce myself. Some of you know me, like my Mom and some others. I'm getting used to being a wife and trying hard to get a baby for Aaron, but it's hard and it still hurts, but Aaron says we have to try hard and that Jesus wants me to have Aarons babies as soon as possible.

                        Thank you all for all the wedding presents. Mom, I miss you and maybe Aaron will let us see each other soon, but right now he says my job is to be his wife and do what he says, so thats what I'm doing.

                        YIC

                        Mrs. Naomi Portway
                        You're too right that you must try hard and mother soldiers of the lord, also keep the whining to a minimum (aka non-existent)

                        Genesis 3:16

                        16Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

                        Comment

                        • Mrs. Naomi Portway
                          True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Apr 2012
                          • 123

                          #27
                          Re: Hello to Everybody.

                          We are trying a lot to make a baby. I don't know what else I can do but just keep praying that God gives me a baby so we can stop trying so much.
                          Aaron said I should have this for my signature to remind me how to be a good wife.

                          "Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

                          Pat Robertson

                          Comment

                          • Faith_Machine
                            Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                            True Christian™
                            • Mar 2011
                            • 10050

                            #28
                            Re: Hello to Everybody.

                            Usually when a couple fails to make a baby right away, it's because the wife isn't trying hard enough to get her husband "in the mood."

                            Baby-making is a distasteful act for most men, especially men as Godly as Captain Portway. You need to make it as nice for him as you possibly can. Why not pop in a compilation DVD featuring his all-time favorite moments in football? Arrange yourself on the couch in front of the plasma screen TV so he can satisfy his duty to God while watching those sports highlights!

                            It would also help to have some chilled bottles of beer on a coffee table in front of the couch, but please do make sure there are coasters under them.
                            WARNING:
                            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                            Comment

                            • TheLordSavedMe
                              A young lady servicing the Lord
                              True Christian™
                              • Jun 2009
                              • 579

                              #29
                              Re: Hello to Everybody.

                              Originally posted by Mrs. Naomi Portway View Post
                              We are trying a lot to make a baby. I don't know what else I can do but just keep praying that God gives me a baby so we can stop trying so much.
                              I LOVE babies almost as much as I love JESUS!

                              Naomi, make sure you tell right when you know your pregnant! I am sssoooooooo SUPER excited that there's gonna be a new Landover baby!

                              And this one older lady where I work said that if you want to get a baby for sure, after you "do it", you should do a headstand for about twenty minutes. I know you're shy, so you could put your underpants back on first, but she said it works!

                              She told me why it works, and then she showed me how it works with a ketchup squirt bottle and an upside down coke bottle, but it's too gross to type here.









                              Tammi


                              Girls, do you have embarrassing "problems" with your down there parts like I used to?
                              Reverend Jim Osborne can help!



                              sigpic

                              He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he. Deuteronomy 32-4

                              Comment

                              • Timothy Tyler
                                Unsaved trash
                                Under Investigation
                                • Apr 2012
                                • 5

                                #30
                                Re: Hello to Everybody.

                                Better get crackin' on those children, sweet heart. I want some grandsons.

                                Comment

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