Hi all, sorry about the premature posts

[itsmrben]

I'm sorry, I made a couple of posts in one of the other forums before knowing that I should've gone here first. Well, guess I'd better tell you about myself.

My name's Ben, and I joined this church because I want to help you in calling out our S**tskin-in-Chief and his homo-commie cohorts. I'm a Methodist, and my favorite Bible verse is Matthew 7:12- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

You may wonder what this has to do with attacking the Gaystapo. Well, here's the thing: I WANT to feel like I'm being persecuted. It affirms my Divine Mission. And I want to respond in kind.

How I found Jesus was fairly simple: I was raised into a Methodist family. This seemed like the only place on the Web where I could find other people who share my mission.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hi all, sorry about the premature posts

Welcome to God's favorite forum.

I've never been partial to Methodists. Methodism teaches that baptism is not necessary to salvation, and that's blasphemous.

On the other hand, GWB was a Methodist, and he was the greatest President America has ever had, bar none. Chosen by Jesus to lead us in the war on islamofascist terrorism, I credit him with keeping America American.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Hi all, sorry about the premature posts

Friend, two problems:

1. Methodists are not Christians. They allow female "preachers" in direct violation of the Bible.

2. That's not what Matthew 7:12 says.

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Hi all, sorry about the premature posts

I'm sorry, I made a couple of posts in one of the other forums before knowing that I should've gone here first. Well, guess I'd better tell you about myself.

My name's Ben, and I joined this church because I want to help you in calling out our S**tskin-in-Chief and his homo-commie cohorts. I'm a Methodist, and my favorite Bible verse is Matthew 7:12- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

You may wonder what this has to do with attacking the Gaystapo. Well, here's the thing: I WANT to feel like I'm being persecuted. It affirms my Divine Mission. And I want to respond in kind.

How I found Jesus was fairly simple: I was raised into a Methodist family. This seemed like the only place on the Web where I could find other people who share my mission.

Welcome I guess. But you're a Methodist, so you're a damned false Christian at this point. So for now, instead of going crazy with the anti-homo stuff, you need to get yourself Saved©.

What if a fag spits the AIDS on you while you're rebuking them? Then you might die damned, and that would not be "cool" as the kids say.

[Pastor Ed Lowman]

Re: Hi all, sorry about the premature posts

How I found Jesus was fairly simple: I was raised into a Methodist family. This seemed like the only place on the Web where I could find other people who share my mission.

Welcome, friend. You sound like a swell cat. I do hope I'm not wrong in saying so.

Once we re-align your beliefs to match ours (and God's), you'll really be ripe and ready to serve Jesus Christ in Spirit and Truth (John 17:17).

Pastor Ed