Thank You JESUS!

[Zeke Schnickelgruuber]

I used to be a sinning Jehovah's Witness. It was okay at first, me and my visiting partner used to get a lot of threesomes going when we did our door to door visits. After a while, the herpes virus and various other STDs started wearing me down. God seemed to have deserted me. Regardless of the huge number of copies of the Awake and Watch Tower magazines I sold, God just wasn't coming to the plate and batting for me.
Then , one day, while reading my local newspaper I saw an article concerning a Baptist Preacher who had stolen his church's rainy day account,
was receiving private organ lessons from the choir leader, and was caught naked in many of the local Gay bars. Surprisingly, his church forgave him and
he is back in the pulpit, preaching more Hell Fire than ever before!
I thought, if these good people could forgive such a sinner, I knew I had a chance with them. I am still a worthless piece of unsaved trash as the good people have posted on my bio. I am not proud of it but someday I hope to just be trash that is saved! Praise JESUS! I kneel for instruction
and hope to receive fulfillment! AMEN? Hell yeh! Thank JESUS for providing such a forum so that worthless garbage like me can obtain salvation!

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

yadda yadda yadda

tl:dr

Tell me friend: why do you misquote the Bible in your sig line?



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Zeke Schnickelgruuber]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

Brother, I was unaware of the signature! Being unsaved trash is a loathsome burden in itself, so in my sinful nature, I neglected to supply my own scripture.
I am in the process of obtaining a copy of the KJV, the only true Bible and did not want to post a blasphemous signature from the Schofield Red Letter Study Bible - English Standard Version that I had used to this blessed site! The signature that is there is probably from Satan as he doesn't seem to want to let me go.
I will soon change that signature! Thank you for giving me instruction! Bless you Brother!

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

Why do you have a joo name?

[Zeke Schnickelgruuber]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

LOL! many people assume this because of the name and my huge snout!
I am from good German Lutheran heritage!

[Zeke Schnickelgruuber]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

I have changed my signature, but now I have a question. Does that scripture mean that married people are allowed to have other partners like the sinful Mormons?
It sounds good ... but I suspect a trap laid by Satan!

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

Hmmm, most lutherans I've met tend to think the Bible is filled with allegories and parables and similes and semaphores and fables and fudgings and such, as opposed to The Inspired Word of God.

How about you?

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

I have changed my signature, but now I have a question. Does that scripture mean that married people are allowed to have other partners like the sinful Mormons?
It sounds good ... but I suspect a trap laid by Satan!

You seem to be prone to interpretation of Scripture. Can you please point out to me precisely where that verse says to take on multiple wives? And why does that sound good to you?

[Zeke Schnickelgruuber]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

I left the Lutheran Church to join the Jehovah's Witnesses. The Black women who stopped by to visit were extremely friendly and it was easy to be trapped in that cult! I even let their nigglets play with the cat.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

You seem to be prone to interpretation of Scripture. Can you please point out to me precisely where that verse says to take on multiple wives? And why does that sound good to you?

It is obvious he has never been married. Once you are married and your wife has had a few dozen children, several are bound to be females. The chatter that emerges from the kitchen is something awful. Fortunately, when ensconced in my climate controlled study in another wing I cannot hear them, no matter how loud they get in there. However, when I have to go over to one of the out buildings in the summer, the racket coming from the kitchen is unbearable. I really should nail the windows shut but it does get hot in there.
Back to the beautiful KJV. God is simply telling use ever man should be married as should every woman. Any man or woman who is of marrying age and has not done so is doing an affront to Jesus.
Why does everyone think it has to be so complicated.
Occams Razor.

[Zeke Schnickelgruuber]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

The Bible is very confusing to ignorant newcomers like myself. I did not mean to give my sense of meaning, but to humbly ask for guidance in understanding!
Occasionally, I see large groups of Mormons bicycling past my property. There are usually two or three men and a dozen or so women. I guess my sinful nature is still yearning for the sexual sinning.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

The Bible is very confusing to ignorant newcomers like myself. I did not mean to give my sense of meaning, but to humbly ask for guidance in understanding!
Occasionally, I see large groups of Mormons bicycling past my property. There are usually two or three men and a dozen or so women. I guess my sinful nature is still yearning for the sexual sinning.

It's true that the sight of men and women furiously churning away on bicycles can be sexually infuriating for the Unsaved...my heart goes out to you.



i have successfully petitioned our local city council to outlaw group bicycling so that their unrestrained seat-rubbing is not on public view. Please take the initiative to secure the same standards in your community.

Yours in Christ,

Zech

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

I have changed my signature, but now I have a question. Does that scripture mean that married people are allowed to have other partners like the sinful Mormons?
It sounds good ... but I suspect a trap laid by Satan!

. . . and yet, you're still misquoting Scripture, Mr. Snickerdoodle.

Is it that difficult for you? This forum automatically links to it on its own.

"2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

This one appears to have the capacity for adaptive mimicracity.

One wonders how the posts of good honest True Christians™ will be assimilated into further of this one's posts.

I shall submit my psychotheological assessment of this one in due course with the appropriate recommendations.

YIC

[LaQrundrellia]

Re: Thank You JESUS!

He sound like a joo.

Hey, joo boy, hook me up with some nice stock tips, I know you got the inside info from your peoples up in Goldman Sachs.

Yours in His Love,

LaQrundrellia