Hallelujah

[tristo]

Hi,

A little bit about myself, I am nearing 30 and live in Australia which has become in recent years a lot like Sodom and Gomorrah, before God destroyed those towns.

I would consider myself a true Christian, who believes the only way to avoid an eternity in hell, is to recognize Jesus as Lord and as my savior. Also I have and continue to repent of my sins.

Unlike other Christians, I am not fazed that I might very well meet somebody like Jeffery Dahmer in Heaven. Because I take great joy, in that in return for sincere repentance, god will forgive any type of sin. Which is great because of the heinous sins I committed before I was saved.

[tristo]

Re: Hallelujah

I will answer a couple of questions which are asked of me;

My favorite bible verse would be Revelation 21:4

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

I became a Christian by first reading the bible and then decided to go to church one day. Once I heard the gospel message being preached faithfully, I decided to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

At the moment I am not involved with a particular church, although I have tried out a few since I moved towns. None of them were to my particular liking.

[LBC loving Dutchmen]

Re: Hallelujah

Well, you actually did read the manual for an introductory post. So tell us, how many Warriors for Christ have you beget? What is your favorite pie?

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Hallelujah

Hello Tristo!

That is an excellent verse that you chose. In fact, Rev. 21 is one of my all-time favorite chapters because it clearly lists some of the folks that Jesus will cast in to the Lake of Fire.

Check this out!

(Revelation 21:8) "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."



Just in that tiny little verse God tells us that we will not have to share Heaven with:

- queers
- mooslims
- witches
- catlicks
- hindoos
- atheist scumbags
- lootherans
- abortion doctors
- mormons

It just tickles me to death!



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

P.S. You don't wear those lederhosen do you? They look like they would chafe.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hallelujah

Welcome to our friendly forums! Your continuing repentance for your sins confuses me. As a former Mary-worshiper, that sounds uncomfortably similar to the idea of reparation for sins, in other words, making it right, setting the scales of divine justice as best as possible in hopes of lessening one's stay in purgatory. We know, however, that there is no need. Once Jesus truly Saves someone, their sins are but dust in the wind! They are no more in the sight of the LORD than the dead who die in their sins. So why bother? Why not spend your time worshiping the LORD instead of going back to sins that essentially don't exist?

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Hallelujah

Hi,

A little bit about myself, I am nearing 30 and live in Australia which has become in recent years a lot like Sodom and Gomorrah, before God destroyed those towns.

Tristo, I'll be tolerant to you about grammar errors due to your being new here. I'm sure you meant to say AFTER, but no big deal, we all make slip-ups from time to time. YIC

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Hallelujah

Tristo, actually I'm a big fan of you people in Austrailia. Before we married, my wife briefly toured your country and while visiting Ayers Rock, was brutally gang sodomised by your abo's. She was so moved by the ordeal that she bought an adult Dingo to protect our four month old baby while she shops at walmart! We are confident that our premature child is in the best of care with both Jesus and the Dingo watching over our little bundle of joy!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hallelujah

Tristo, actually I'm a big fan of you people in Austrailia. Before we married, my wife briefly toured your country and while visiting Ayers Rock, was brutally gang sodomised by your abo's.

How wonderful (and unexpected) that they left her virginity intact!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hallelujah

Welcome friend! Are you related to the Triscuits of Tasmania?

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hallelujah

How wonderful (and unexpected) that they left her virginity intact!

Wait a minute, Reverend Rodimer, are you saying a girl can still be a virgin even after multiple individuals have filled her hindquarters with kielbasa? If that's the case, I may possibly owe an apology to a certain young lady whom I'd briefly considered courting, but had rejected on moral grounds.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Hallelujah

Wait a minute, Reverend Rodimer, are you saying a girl can still be a virgin even after multiple individuals have filled her hindquarters with kielbasa? If that's the case, I may possibly owe an apology to a certain young lady whom I'd briefly considered courting, but had rejected on moral grounds.

Her hymen is still intact, yes?

That's the Biblical test for virginity.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Hallelujah

I think it might be. How do I know for sure? When last we spoke, I had called her a whore, told her that her damnation was assured, tore her clothes off and dragged her through the streets of Pacifica in accordance with God's word:

Jeremiah 13:26-27

26 Therefore will I discover thy skirts upon thy face, that thy shame may appear.

27 I have seen thine adulteries, and thy neighings, the lewdness of thy whoredom, and thine abominations on the hills in the fields. Woe unto thee, O Jerusalem! wilt thou not be made clean? when shall it once be?

So I have some questions for you:

1) How best to "patch things up," so to speak, and let her know I'm willing to give her another chance?

and

2) How do I verify whether her hymen is intact without violating the Biblical proscription against indecency? Can I hire a matron from a local church to perform the examination?

lastly,

3) What if she doesn't want to let me check?