[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Greetings from afar

Jesus Christ is the reason I am here, his teachings have had a profound impact on me and my life. I hope to live to see his return, but I will live my life in protection of the world around me because the Apocalypse is not a self fulfilling prophecy.

Here in China I find myself almost constantly talking about Jesus (which sometimes is hard because of the thought police) , I do not presume to speak on his behalf or work to belittle the knowledge of the locals here. I seek to clear misconceptions and spread his teaching. I choose not to focus upon his death and resurrection, but upon the lessons which he taught to the masses, and which can be used today.

Jesus was a prophet of the lord and is responsible for the enlightenment of millions, including myself.

Please feel free to point out any "misconceptions" you think any True Christian(tm) at Landover Baptist has posted. Be very specific, and back your assertions with specific Scripture.

YiC,

Zech

[Cathayian_Doomsayer]

Re: Greetings from afar

Do you have anything positive to say about our Savior, Jesus Christ, Mr. Doomslayer?

Jesus Christ is the reason I am here, his teachings have had a profound impact on me and my life. I hope to live to see his return, but I will live my life in protection of the world around me because the Apocalypse is not a self fulfilling prophecy.

Here in China I find myself almost constantly talking about Jesus (which sometimes is hard because of the thought police) , I do not presume to speak on his behalf or work to belittle the knowledge of the locals here. I seek to clear misconceptions and spread his teaching. I choose not to focus upon his death and resurrection, but upon the lessons which he taught to the masses, and which can be used today.

Jesus was a prophet of the lord and is responsible for the enlightenment of millions, including myself.

[Nobar King]

Re: Greetings from afar

You can call me Rob, Cathay is the Ancient name for China and I choose it due to my physical location in the world.

I read through all of the post rules and I think I get the gist of it.

I notice that my rights are listed as "none" and I wonder at what point I may be able to become upgraded from "unsaved trash" to something slightly more, well, suitable.

I have no intention of mocking the True Christians™.

Thanks,
Rob

Do you have anything positive to say about our Savior, Jesus Christ, Mr. Doomslayer?

[Cathayian_Doomsayer]

Re: Greetings from afar

Dear Cathy;

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

You can call me Rob, Cathay is the Ancient name for China and I choose it due to my physical location in the world.

I read through all of the post rules and I think I get the gist of it.

I notice that my rights are listed as "none" and I wonder at what point I may be able to become upgraded from "unsaved trash" to something slightly more, well, suitable.

I have no intention of mocking the True Christians™.

Thanks,
Rob

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Greetings from afar

Dear Cathy;

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Cathayian_Doomsayer]

Re: Greetings from afar

When you were in Alaska hunting caribou, were you afraid that you might fall out of the helicopter just as you were about to harvest something? Did you have sex with any of the Palins? Your "hunting story" also sends shivers straight down this home schooled Christians spine! You might as well have just come right out and admitted that you were sexually abused when you stated that an 'uncle' took you, a minor, across state lines and into the deep woods, alone together!

Many of us here have also been sodomised by our uncles, so if you need a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, we're here to listen to the details of you so-called 'hunting' trip. Were you still a virgin, you know, before the 'hunting' trip? YIC

Nope no Sodomy.

Also no sex with the Palins', I must admit I don't find any of them attractive.

My uncle is a nice guy, we took a couple of bolt action rifles and a shotgun out with us to a platform my cousin had built in a tree. Sat up there waiting for those big buggers to pass buy and unloaded some shells into them. It was exhilarating, took one down while it was trying to charge the tree we were in. The meat is a bit gamey, a bit like venison if you leave it in the freezer too long, stringy.

I had a pretty well adjusted childhood my friend, no abuse to speak of. Unless you count a few nutty teachers.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Greetings from afar

I clearly said "many", meaning probably in the high ninety percent range have been anally raped, so that means either you are in one of two categorys, one, denial, or two still a virgin, which puts you at very high risk at family get-to-gethers. As we are all aware of, homers like nothing better than a pure, unmolested virgin to violently jackhammer. As far as I remember, I am probably also in the tiny percentage with you, but my mind is somewhat cloudy about several nights where I had a bit too much rohypnol at a party on Fire Island.

I am a True Christian(tm). True Christians(tm) do not get anally raped.

I have spent countless nights witnessing to unsaved truckers in my truck stop ministry, often barging into their restroom orgies, and never once have been anally raped.

But thank you for your concern.

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Greetings from afar

Speak for yourself, bub!

I clearly said "many", meaning probably in the high ninety percent range have been anally raped, so that means either you are in one of two categorys, one, denial, or two still a virgin, which puts you at very high risk at family get-to-gethers. As we are all aware of, homers like nothing better than a pure, unmolested virgin to violently jackhammer. As far as I remember, I am probably also in the tiny percentage with you, but my mind is somewhat cloudy about several nights where I had a bit too much rohypnol at a party on Fire Island.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Greetings from afar

Many of us here have also been sodomised by our uncles

Speak for yourself, bub!

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Greetings from afar

I love Matthew 7:5. It shows really clearly what we need to do before judging people. So now we have removed the beam from our own eyes and are free of sin it's all systems go!

[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Re: Greetings from afar

Well hunting is a sport that I cannot enjoy here, because its city as far as you can see and there is no gun rights.

In the U.S. I've always enjoyed Elk hunting, but I've never bagged no 5 point bucks, and my uncle took me to try to hunt a Caribou in Alaska when I was 16.

When you were in Alaska hunting caribou, were you afraid that you might fall out of the helicopter just as you were about to harvest something? Did you have sex with any of the Palins? Your "hunting story" also sends shivers straight down this home schooled Christians spine! You might as well have just come right out and admitted that you were sexually abused when you stated that an 'uncle' took you, a minor, across state lines and into the deep woods, alone together!

Many of us here have also been sodomised by our uncles, so if you need a sympathetic shoulder to cry on, we're here to listen to the details of you so-called 'hunting' trip. Were you still a virgin, you know, before the 'hunting' trip? YIC

[Cathayian_Doomsayer]

Re: Greetings from afar

Well that's good to know. I've heard the chinamen will fornicate with anything that moves, so watch your 6 while you're ministering to them over there.

What kind of hunting do you enjoy?

YiC,

Zech

Well hunting is a sport that I cannot enjoy here, because its city as far as you can see and there is no gun rights.

In the U.S. I've always enjoyed Elk hunting, but I've never bagged no 5 point bucks, and my uncle took me to try to hunt a Caribou in Alaska when I was 16.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Greetings from afar

Well that's good to know. I've heard the chinamen will fornicate with anything that moves, so watch your 6 while you're ministering to them over there.

What kind of hunting do you enjoy?

YiC,

Zech

[Cathayian_Doomsayer]

Re: Greetings from afar

Oh man, you were in the clutches of Presbyterians? Did they teach you any weird rituals or nutty beliefs?

Yes, there were some odd beliefs. I had a bit of a falling out with the Pastor at that Church during my college years, and began attending a youth ministry which was non-denominational.

Why aren't you married? You're not a queer are you?

I am 23 years old, I have not married yet because I feel I still have some time before I should settle down and think about children. I first need to develop a career. I am straight.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Greetings from afar

Oh man, you were in the clutches of Presbyterians? Did they teach you any weird rituals or nutty beliefs?