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  • #1

    New

    Hello, all. I am new, and uneducated in the teachings of Christ and the Bible, though I am willing to learn if I am taught. I am also sceptical, though I have an open mind.

    I hope you all welcome me with warmth.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: New

    1. Get a KJV Bible.

    2. Read from Genesis 1:2 to Revelation 22:21.

    3. Come back when you're done.

    This is presuming, of course, that you are serious about being "willing to learn."

    Sadly, most people who come here with similar introductions aren't.



    Yours in Christ,

    Z. Smyth
    sigpic

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    • #3
      Re: New

      Originally posted by GodReferstoAllThatIs View Post
      Hello, all. I am new, and uneducated in the teachings of Christ and the Bible, though I am willing to learn if I am taught. I am also sceptical, though I have an open mind.

      I hope you all welcome me with warmth.
      Hello and welcome to our friendly forums!

      Your education can start right HERE!

      Click your cursor on the word that says, "Genesis." It is the first book of the Holy Bible. In this first book alone you will learn of the creation of the world, the first sin, the consequences of sin, the adventures of certain giants, human-angel hybrids, and the wonderful love of the LORD for not destroying all of humanity due to irreconcilable differences.

      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: New

        Originally posted by GodReferstoAllThatIs View Post
        Hello, all. I am new, and uneducated in the teachings of Christ and the Bible, though I am willing to learn if I am taught. I am also sceptical, though I have an open mind.

        I hope you all welcome me with warmth.
        Ah, I see. So does that mean you want to have that warm, fuzzy feeling of believing in Jesus, but then turn around and dismiss those not-so-fuzzy Bible facts like the earth created in six days (Exodus 20:11), Noah and the global flood (Genesis 6-9), the extermination of the ungodly (Numbers 31:15-18), and the evils of modern science (I Timothy 6:20-21)?

        We shall see if you are good seed or not, friend (Luke 8:4-15).

        In His Grace,

        Pastor Ed

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: New

          Originally posted by GodReferstoAllThatIs View Post
          Hello, all. I am new, and uneducated in the teachings of Christ and the Bible, though I am willing to learn if I am taught. I am also sceptical, though I have an open mind.

          I hope you all welcome me with warmth.
          Why are you here, friend? We're here to praise Jesus!
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: New

            Show some backbone, make a commitment to Jesus.
            Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
            Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
            Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
            Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
            Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
            Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

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