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  • #1

    Soldiers of God, I join your army

    Firstly, I apologize for posting without first introducing myself proper. I was just so excited to see so many like-minded God fearing and commie hating people that I couldn't wait to start chatting and spreading His word.

    I was born in a manger in the Ozarks of Arkansas. My momma was knocked up with me right when daddy's moonshine still exploded and the shockwave forced her to give premature birth to me as I still had 3 months to go.

    The explosion lit up the night sky and people came from far and near to see what happened. Three of them were wise men from the shiny city of Sulphur Springs which I later learned was the Arkansas highway Patrol. I never saw my daddy again when they took him away.

    I grew up learning my skills as a carpenter making boxes that my daddy's friends would put dead people into for burying. They told me to never to talk about what they did but I'm doing it anyways lol.

    I'm married with 2 kids and like myself, they are experts at shooting and skinning game. When they reach 10 years old I'll get them their own guns for Christmas, the birthday of the Lord.

    Now I'm here in Iowa trying to start my own ministry hopefully leading to a new religion based on the word of Christ of course. Let's go hunting and chat or maybe break up a homo rally or two somewhere!

    Deuteronomy 23:1
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  • #2
    Re: Soldiers of God, I join your army

    Hello Bubba McRightman.

    I see that you put Deuteronomy 23:1 in your post. I hope that it is there because you think it is nice and not because it applies to you. This is what it says:

    He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

    If there are any ladies reading this please stop and go to another thread.







    OK it is just men now. The stones are the testicles and the privy member is the penis. I am glad they do not mention a misshapen head because I was in an accident the doctors did the best they could it is a long story.

    Thank you.

    Rusty
    Psalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Soldiers of God, I join your army

      Originally posted by Russell Holbeck View Post
      Hello Bubba McRightman.

      I see that you put Deuteronomy 23:1 in your post. I hope that it is there because you think it is nice and not because it applies to you. This is what it says:

      He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

      If there are any ladies reading this please stop and go to another thread.


      OK it is just men now. The stones are the testicles and the privy member is the penis. I am glad they do not mention a misshapen head because I was in an accident the doctors did the best they could it is a long story.

      Thank you.

      Rusty
      Thank you Brother Russell, I only put that verse in there to scare away anyone with the gay because I know they troll these forums looking to convert innocents to their unnatural hedonism.

      I do the work of the Lord by keeping my daady's shine operation in working order Proverbs 31:6


      Genesis 32:30
      John 1:18

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      • #4
        Re: Soldiers of God, I join your army

        Bubba, your story confuses me. You say you were born premature when your daddy's still exploded, presumably killing him, yet you also speak of never seeing him again, as if you did know the man? Most confusing.

        And what is this about you wanting to start a new religion? Were you under the impression we'd be interested in helping you with that?
        WARNING:
        In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
        REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Soldiers of God, I join your army

          Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
          Bubba, your story confuses me. You say you were born premature when your daddy's still exploded, presumably killing him, yet you also speak of never seeing him again, as if you did know the man? Most confusing.

          And what is this about you wanting to start a new religion? Were you under the impression we'd be interested in helping you with that?
          Greetings Sister Faith, I just returned from my Sunday worship. No, my daddy didn't die in the explosion, he was taken away by the State Troopers for the illegal still that got blowed up. I only knew him from old photos that my mom had, and even though I was just birthed at the time, I look at it as the only time I ever "saw" him, even though I was of course too young to remember him. He died in prison during a riot in the yard, but someone there told me his last words were, "tell Bubba I love him". His cellmate was also named Bubba, but I'm sure he was referring to me.

          I'm hoping that my ministry can eventually lead to a new religion that can attract younger folk to the word of the Lord. I see many younguns this day and age turning a blind eye to Christianity and if I can get them involved in ANY religion at all, it would be better than none. Look at it as a back door entrance for them into Landover.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Soldiers of God, I join your army

            So, basically, your father was killed by big government. This would not have happened under a Tea Party administration!

            I can not condone you starting a new religion, though. The Bible tells us there is only one true religion, and from what I've seen the only way you can experience it is through the kind tutelage of the pastors here at the Landover Baptist Church.

            PS: I'm actually a gentleman. Easy mistake to make, what with Faith being a fairly common girl's name. I'm called "Faith Machine" because I like to imagine myself as an unstoppable juggernaut of praise. Kind of like how Kirstie Alley is an eating machine, only more Godly.

            WARNING:
            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Soldiers of God, I join your army

              Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
              So, basically, your father was killed by big government. This would not have happened under a Tea Party administration!

              I can not condone you starting a new religion, though. The Bible tells us there is only one true religion, and from what I've seen the only way you can experience it is through the kind tutelage of the pastors here at the Landover Baptist Church.

              PS: I'm actually a gentleman. Easy mistake to make, what with Faith being a fairly common girl's name. I'm called "Faith Machine" because I like to imagine myself as an unstoppable juggernaut of praise. Kind of like how Kirstie Alley is an eating machine, only more Godly.

              Apologies Brother Faith, didn't mean no harm, the Faith name threw me off there. I agree, the government killed Daddy McRightman during Clinton's reign as king. If we had Sarah as our leader, Rush as our VP and Hannity as Sec. of Defense, my daddy would still be alive.

              I'm sure that starting my own religion may be a bit over my head. I'm just trying to hook the fish first before reeling them in but many young folk don't like the bait of Christianity. I feel I must first try to save them before casting them into the holy fires of Jesus' flaming wrath. Deuteronomy 28:63

              We're all familiar with (John 3:16) and Jesus wants us to save his children because Jesus loves the world. If they cannot be converted then they must be cast into hell because Jesus hates the world (1 John 2:15) and those who love it. I am bound by this creed.

              We should fear God (Matthew 10:28)
              We should love God (Matthew 22:37)
              There is no fear in love (1 John 4:18)

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Soldiers of God, I join your army

                Well there's certainly nothing wrong with deceiving the unsaved if it helps you bring them to Jesus. Heck, tell them you're inviting them to join a secret sex club for all I care. Just make sure that when they show up, everybody keeps their clothes on, and you hit 'em between the eyes with the Good News of Jesus Christ!
                WARNING:
                In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Soldiers of God, I join your army

                  Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                  Well there's certainly nothing wrong with deceiving the unsaved if it helps you bring them to Jesus. Heck, tell them you're inviting them to join a secret sex club for all I care. Just make sure that when they show up, everybody keeps their clothes on, and you hit 'em between the eyes with the Good News of Jesus Christ!
                  Amen Brother! Even if they die in trying it is still the flaming annals of Jesus!
                  (John 15:13)

                  We will free them from their gay and theirs will be the Lord!
                  (2 Samuel 10:4)

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