[Eustace Jones]

Re: Greetings.

That makes me wonder why those colored taco eaters were even expecting pay. Is it not enough to be working on the land of God? They have ruined whatever (as if they ever had a chance) chance they have of salvation. Another reason why I believe segregation would make the world a better place for all.

But Ma'am I forgive you for showing off your ginger snaps. Vanity is a sin indeed. I must confess I may have overstepped my boundary for falling for that as well. In all respect though, I will continue on my quest to find a nice apple pie. If I ever find myself in Landover, I expect a freshly baked apple pie from you.

I hope you take this as a sign of respect that I should spank you hard now on the condition that you do not enjoy it. I do admit that I do not know why I called you Sister Jones. Perhaps my old age is catching up with me.

[Chastity Goodbody]

Re: Greetings.

Why Sister Jones I do believe I am smitten. Not only would you be willing to bake me an apple pie but you also know how to make ginger snaps. Mmmm Mmmm! Landover Baptist does seem like the best church around. No wonder it's God's favorite. I know this may seem a bit out of place but would you be willing to go see a black and white movie with me? I do believe "The Gospel Of John" is playing tomorrow.

"Sister Jones"? Oh goodness, where are my smelling salts when I need them?

Mr. Jones, I must confess that I had to consult my Pastor, as I fear my frail sensibilities are not fit for such talk. My Pastor has admonished me for my pride and wickedness in the sight of the Lord, and for disrepecting a good Christian man with my clucking tongue.

Please accept my deepest apology for boasting of my goods with such shameless vanity. For me to carry on in such an unseemly manner, and without proper leave, is no doubt offensive to yourself and to the Good Lord who would have me know my place! 1 Timothy 2:11

My Pastor advises that it is righteous to offer pie to a Christian in need, but insists I not flash my ginger snaps like some perfumed Paris prostitute. He warns it would be improper for me to keep the company of even a good, upstanding Christian man without his express permission and supervision, and has rebuked me for failing to inform you of my "special affliction" and consequent unsuitability for marriage.

But before I continue, especially without your permission to continue, I must ask your forbearance, as just this morning my Pastor dismissed (without pay) the Mexicans he had hired to tend the church grounds on account of their being Papist idolators, speaking their heathen tongue instead of God's English, tainting the pure white walls of the Lord's House with their unwashed brown skin, blaring blasphemous Mexican oompah music on their pickup truck's radio and smoking loco-weed behind the church tool shed when they should have been working.

That does not mean the sacred lawns of the Lord may be left untended, however, and though he approves of my studies here at Landover Baptist, my Pastor insists that I scrub the brown off the walls, mow the lawn, finish the gardening and clean up the tool shed before I spend more time on the Internet.

With humblest apologies for my willfulness and impertinence,

Chastity

[Eustace Jones]

Re: Greetings.

Mr. Jones, welcome!

Though it is easily cured, I'm so relieved to hear the Devil hasn't inflicted you with autism, and that both you and your father have the good wisdom to avoid defiling your bodies with vaccinations.

I'm terribly sorry to learn that you are in need of a fine apple pie, and lack a suitable wife to bake one for you because of Rhode Island being a den of Harlots, Lesbians and Liberals. But I repeat myself.

Should you ever venture away from that hateful place, you should know that I'm quite handy in the kitchen, would be happy to bake you a delicious apple pie, and know several good recipes by heart. I should also add that you haven't had a proper ginger snap until you've tried mine.

The secret of a good ginger snap is using raw honey from a Christian-owned apiary, blackstrap molasses, home-churned butter, King Arthur all-purpose flour, fresh-laid eggs, butcher's lard and, most important of all: fresh-grated ginger root. It's got to be fresh to give it the "snap".

The other part of the "snap" is baking the cookies at high temperature (about 600 degrees American) in a true baker's oven. That makes the outside crisp and brown but the inside soft and sweet. NEVER eat a dry ginger snap. A dry ginger snap is the Devil's cookie. But my ginger snaps bring all the boys to the bake sale. They're always the first to sell out, and my Pastor says -- and I quote -- "they are divine".

Oh goodness, look at me ramble on. Please forgive my immodesty and thoughtlessly speaking when not spoken to, Mr. Jones. Landover Baptist is a wonderful, loving fellowship that is truly God's favorite, and I hope you'll be happy here.

Your sister in Christ,

Chastity

Why Sister Jones I do believe I am smitten. Not only would you be willing to bake me an apple pie but you also know how to make ginger snaps. Mmmm Mmmm! Landover Baptist does seem like the best church around. No wonder it's God's favorite. I know this may seem a bit out of place but would you be willing to go see a black and white movie with me? I do believe "The Gospel Of John" is playing tomorrow.

[Chastity Goodbody]

Re: Greetings.

Mr. Jones, welcome!

Though it is easily cured, I'm so relieved to hear the Devil hasn't inflicted you with autism, and that both you and your father have the good wisdom to avoid defiling your bodies with vaccinations.

I'm terribly sorry to learn that you are in need of a fine apple pie, and lack a suitable wife to bake one for you because of Rhode Island being a den of Harlots, Lesbians and Liberals. But I repeat myself.

Should you ever venture away from that hateful place, you should know that I'm quite handy in the kitchen, would be happy to bake you a delicious apple pie, and know several good recipes by heart. I should also add that you haven't had a proper ginger snap until you've tried mine.

The secret of a good ginger snap is using raw honey from a Christian-owned apiary, blackstrap molasses, home-churned butter, King Arthur all-purpose flour, fresh-laid eggs, butcher's lard and, most important of all: fresh-grated ginger root. It's got to be fresh to give it the "snap".

The other part of the "snap" is baking the cookies at high temperature (about 600 degrees American) in a true baker's oven. That makes the outside crisp and brown but the inside soft and sweet. NEVER eat a dry ginger snap. A dry ginger snap is the Devil's cookie. But my ginger snaps bring all the boys to the bake sale. They're always the first to sell out, and my Pastor says -- and I quote -- "they are divine".

Oh goodness, look at me ramble on. Please forgive my immodesty and thoughtlessly speaking when not spoken to, Mr. Jones. Landover Baptist is a wonderful, loving fellowship that is truly God's favorite, and I hope you'll be happy here.

Your sister in Christ,

Chastity

[Eustace Jones]

Re: Greetings.

Eustace, I urge you not to get any more vaccinations, and please have yourself checked for autism as soon as possible!

Not to worry. My father was against vaccinations before it was cool to not be vaccinated. My father said to avoid any medicine a colored man invented in case it was poison. I get myself checked for autism twice a year and still get tested negative so no worries on that end either.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Greetings.

Eustace, I urge you not to get any more vaccinations, and please have yourself checked for autism as soon as possible!

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Greetings.

Why thank you very much Ma'am! Just out of curiosity, do you happen to know a fine place to get some apple pie? I'm sure a woman such as yourself could whip something up mighty fine but alas I do not want to intrude upon yourself.

If I lived close, I'd have made you a pie myself. But I live quite far away and if I sent a pie 'round to your aread, it would certainly not be fresh. And as I said before, I live very, very far away from you, so I wouldn't know your area well at all.
Sorry I couldn't help .
YIC
Mary Thompson.

[Eustace Jones]

Re: Greetings.

Hello, Mr. Jones, and welcome to God's favorite forum.

Why thank you very much Ma'am! Just out of curiosity, do you happen to know a fine place to get some apple pie? I'm sure a woman such as yourself could whip something up mighty fine but alas I do not want to intrude upon yourself.

[Mary Thompson]

Re: Greetings.

Hello, Mr. Jones, and welcome to God's favorite forum.

[Eustace Jones]

Re: Greetings.

Which is the sole reason why I still believe having separate EVERYTHING is the logical solution. Segregation eliminates the "hassle" of having to bleach the toilet every time a black man uses it. I for one, would not want our tax dollars having to go to the beaners we'd have to pay in order to maintain a clean environment thanks to the black people. Let me ask, what is the ethnic skew in Landover? I ask because I may wish to visit one day. I am all caught up on the latest vaccinations but still wish to avoid an inferior plague from the subhumans.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Greetings.

I have no problem if a ethnic person uses the same bathroom as I, assuming it is cleaned with bleach after they are done. While they are inferior to decent people, nigras still need to defecate. I for one, do not want to get 'it' on my shoes.

[Eustace Jones]

Re: Greetings.

Interesting Mr. Hutchins then it would appear that you are a lot alike. While I may be an old man of wisdom, I regret that I have not found that special woman yet. I have, however, abstained from the evils of masturbation and am saving myself for when I do find the right woman. A woman who believes blacks and whites should not share bathrooms. A woman who will cook for me and bake cherry pies every afternoon. A woman who has Christ in her heart. Finding such a woman in this Yankee area is not easy I am afraid.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Greetings.

Welcome friend! A man of your years, I would think half the male population of your tiny state would be born from the loins of your wife(s). Tell, what is the number of sons that are yours?
While I do miss 'the bug' and Del's, I really was uncomfortable with the exceissve catlick concentration as well as the butchery of Gods Favorite Language(tm), American.
As a teen, I worked for a summer at 'The Lab' on Plum Island. My stint there confirmed my knowledge that the Bible is the cure for all of man's questions.

[Eustace Jones]

Re: Greetings.

My father would beat me as a child until I knew the King James Bible word for word. I found Christ as soon as I was born. Currently, I am attending Pure Island's Baptist Church. I was reading up though and am interested in joining the Landover Baptist Church in order to find true salvation.

Psalms 16:11
Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
This is perhaps my most favorite verse.

[Basilissa]

Re: Greetings.

My name is Eustace Jones. I am 62 years old and will be 63 in less than a month. I came across reading about this church and became interested after hearing how they use the King James Bible (KJV). This is the same bible that I have kept at my bedside since the day I was born. A few details about myself are that I am for segregation and against abortion. I have lived the days when blacks and whites could have their privacy and one day wish to go back to those days so that all may be right again. I wish to learn much from the Landover Baptist Church as that is why I am here. I also own a little bookstore called "Reading With The Lord".

Hello and welcome to our friendly forum

May I ask the questions that are already listed on the top of this website, but somehow you've missed them:

What church do you go to?
What is your favorite Bible verse?
How did you come to find Jesus?