I need a little advice

[Sam Spade]

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?- Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws?(Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Yours In Christ, Sam

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: I need a little advice

Your plagiarizing doesn't fool anyone, dear. Now, why not tell us what the real problem is. You're upset that your children are going to Hell and you want people to cry about that in Heaven? Is that the real problem?

Why do you want people to be sad in Heaven?

[Sam Spade]

Re: I need a little advice

Your plagiarizing doesn't fool anyone, dear. Now, why not tell us what the real problem is. You're upset that your children are going to Hell and you want people to cry about that in Heaven? Is that the real problem?

Why do you want people to be sad in Heaven?

After I posted it, I realized that I did not include the link

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/drlaura.asp

I also found that I did not ask the questions that I had wanted to. For that I am sorry, and please give me another infraction.

I was wondering if it was some kind of joke or something. I found some of it interesting, like shrimp and homosexuals. But the other stuff I am not to sure of.

When I found what I had done I had to logg off the computer to answer my front door. When I answered the door two young men from the Church of Latter Day Sain'ts where there. They wanted to talk to me about Jesus. Hey I am all for that. I do have some questions about Mormons. Maybe latter I can ask.
Again I am ever so sorry. I don't blame you for being upset. It was an error on my part and I will try my best to never do that again.
YIC Sam

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: I need a little advice

I don't blame you for being upset.

I'm not upset, dear. I'm just curious as to why you want people to be sad in Heaven.

[Sam Spade]

Re: I need a little advice

I'm not upset, dear. I'm just curious as to why you want people to be sad in Heaven.

Sad in Heaven? Oh my how could anyone be sad in Heaven. If you are a " True Christian" and gain access to Heaven and are blessed to be with Jesus, how could you be sad? I can only think that you would be overjoyed that you made the cut. Why do you think I wish that ? I don't.

YIC Sam.

P.S. is there a thread about Mormons? I don't understand why they have an extra Bible. Did God write that one? Are they the same people who have more than one wife? Are they the ones that wear special jockey shorts?

[Sam Spade]

Re: I need a little advice

Ezekiel 16:49-50:

Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy. And they were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good.

Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because the people had become terribly evil and had totally turned away from God. They had forsaken Him completely. These long passages tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

So who is worse now, America is a very immoral country and just about everything Sodom was doing, America does it equal or worse.


Any thoughts???

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Re: I need a little advice

Groan! Not that old chestnut again!

OK, I'll take it in good faith.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

Smite him? Whatever for? Our Savior warned us that we would be persecuted for his sake. How else would we know we're on the right track?

This is from the Sermon on the Mount:

Matthew 5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Matthew 5:12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I invite you to study these old threads:

How much do you guys think I could sell my daughter for?
What can you do if your daughter refuses to marry her rapist??

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Again: Seek, and ye shall find:

Should menstruating be illegal?
Menstrual hut burned down. What to do with wife?
Menstrual huts prevent bastards -- Science proves it!

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

You can't own Canadian slaves because it's illegal. Duh.

The Bible mandates us to follow secular laws:

Titus 3:1 Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work,

Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

Fortunately the Bible says nothing about messican labor.

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

No, you don't kill your neighbor because it's illegal. Duh again.

Besides we don't observe the Jewish Sabbath. In fact that's the fast path to Hell:

Galatians 4:9 But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage?
Galatians 4:10 Ye observe days, and months, and times, and years.
Galatians 4:11 I am afraid of you, lest I have bestowed upon you labour in vain.

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Friend, I don't "settle" anything. I just listen to every word that's dripping from the lips of our sweet Baby Jesus:

Jesus on shellfish:

Mark 7:18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;
Mark 7:19 Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?
Mark 7:20 And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man.

Jesus on homosexuality:

Mark 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
Mark 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
Mark 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
Mark 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Are you a Levite priest?

I thought not.

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

The Bible doesn't sat they should die. If I were you I would leave the killing to Jesus:

Romans 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

This is getting ridiculous. God has long ago cleansed all manner of fourfooted beasts:

Acts 10:11 And saw heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending unto him, as it had been a great sheet knit at the four corners, and let down to the earth:
Acts 10:12 Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air.
Acts 10:13 And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat.
Acts 10:14 But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean.
Acts 10:15 And the voice spake unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?- Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws?(Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Yours In Christ, Sam

Maybe it was about time to stop asking silly questions and instead tell us what you have done for Jesus recently. Have you repented your ways? Have you asked Jesus to forgive your sinful past? Have you accepted Him as your personal savior, let Him into your heart and committed your immortal soul to Him?

Your salvation deserves ceaseless, unending weeping and crying, so I urge you to drop to your knees and start reading God's word (KJV1611) until your eyes bleed.

I'll be praying for you.