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  • OnYourKnees
    On Extended Furlough
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2006
    • 4729

    #1

    Glory to God!

    Directed to Landover's website by the Godly Ms. Betty Bowers, I perused with Godly joy. Such wonders did mine eyes behold!

    First, I read unbiased news stories. I had no idea about the XXX Elmo, though when I was shopping at Nordstrom's and bent over to pick up my American Express Black card, he DID look at my behind and giggle. I had a feeling about him.

    Second, I saw tales of everyday folks doing the Lord's work in the most mysterious ways. You all know, I don't need to recap!

    Finally, I spotted a link to this most Holy of Forums, a place to meet people of Landover! Praise Jesus!

    I'll keep my introduction brief, and focus upon my own ministry. Frequently, I go to truck stops, bus stations, and other places where wayward travelers can be found. These young men, many times sipping from a 40 'concealed' in a brown paper bag, often need guidance and a firm hand to steer them toward Jesus.

    I take on the role of the big brother/daddy they never had, and talk a while. If necessary to keep them focused, I'll occasionally even buy them another malt liquor; I don't approve of the consumption of alcohol (unless it comes from the Bordeaux or Burgundy regions, or possibly is in the form of aged single-malt Scotch or a pre-ban Pernod Fils absinthe), but believe God forgives this minor transgression in the saving of a soul!

    In time, I walk the fellow out to the nearest alley, where we can pray in private. Ah, the way their eyes light up when they first taste the love of Jesus! Truly, there is nothing more wondrous than seeing a young man get on his knees to worship for the very first time!
  • Pastor Al E Pistle
    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 9323

    #2
    Re: Glory to God!

    Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
    Directed to Landover's website by the Godly Ms. Betty Bowers, I perused with Godly joy. Such wonders did mine eyes behold!

    First, I read unbiased news stories. I had no idea about the XXX Elmo, though when I was shopping at Nordstrom's and bent over to pick up my American Express Black card, he DID look at my behind and giggle. I had a feeling about him.

    Second, I saw tales of everyday folks doing the Lord's work in the most mysterious ways. You all know, I don't need to recap!

    Finally, I spotted a link to this most Holy of Forums, a place to meet people of Landover! Praise Jesus!

    I'll keep my introduction brief, and focus upon my own ministry. Frequently, I go to truck stops, bus stations, and other places where wayward travelers can be found. These young men, many times sipping from a 40 'concealed' in a brown paper bag, often need guidance and a firm hand to steer them toward Jesus.

    I take on the role of the big brother/daddy they never had, and talk a while. If necessary to keep them focused, I'll occasionally even buy them another malt liquor; I don't approve of the consumption of alcohol (unless it comes from the Bordeaux or Burgundy regions, or possibly is in the form of aged single-malt Scotch or a pre-ban Pernod Fils absinthe), but believe God forgives this minor transgression in the saving of a soul!

    In time, I walk the fellow out to the nearest alley, where we can pray in private. Ah, the way their eyes light up when they first taste the love of Jesus! Truly, there is nothing more wondrous than seeing a young man get on his knees to worship for the very first time!
    There is something wrong about your post, Brother. I just can't quite put my finger on it at the moment.
    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


    Comment

    • Talitha
      Deaconess
      Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
      True Christian™
      • May 2026
      • 15118

      #3
      Re: Glory to God!

      Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
      There is something wrong about your post, Brother. I just can't quite put my finger on it at the moment.
      Sounds like a Catlicker Pastor Al.

      Sister Talitha

      Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


      HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
      being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



      Comment

      • Poetic Peter
        Christian Poet Emeritus
        Forum Member
        • Nov 2006
        • 1696

        #4
        Re: Glory to God!

        Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
        There is something wrong about your post, Brother. I just can't quite put my finger on it at the moment.
        Ditto.
        I can't quite wrap my head around it either.

        Comment

        • Pastor Ezekiel
          Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
           
          • Sep 2006
          • 78556

          #5
          Re: Glory to God!

          Could this be a graduate of Betty's BASH program?
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • Brother Temperance
            Senior Usher
            True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
            A very nice young man
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2006
            • 15621

            #6
            Re: Glory to God!

            Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
            Finally, I spotted a link to this most Holy of Forums, a place to meet people of Landover! Praise Jesus!

            I'll keep my introduction brief, and focus upon my own ministry. Frequently, I go to truck stops, bus stations, and other places where wayward travelers can be found. These young men, many times sipping from a 40 'concealed' in a brown paper bag, often need guidance and a firm hand to steer them toward Jesus.

            I take on the role of the big brother/daddy they never had, and talk a while. If necessary to keep them focused, I'll occasionally even buy them another malt liquor; I don't approve of the consumption of alcohol (unless it comes from the Bordeaux or Burgundy regions, or possibly is in the form of aged single-malt Scotch or a pre-ban Pernod Fils absinthe), but believe God forgives this minor transgression in the saving of a soul!

            In time, I walk the fellow out to the nearest alley, where we can pray in private. Ah, the way their eyes light up when they first taste the love of Jesus! Truly, there is nothing more wondrous than seeing a young man get on his knees to worship for the very first time!
            Welcome aboard, Brother. I trust you have arranged a tithe? From your post, it sounds like maybe you should try meeting up with Bobby Joe to set up a personalised tithing arrangement in private. He's usually very keen to handle that sort of thing.
            O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



            God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

            Comment

            • Pastor Isaac Peters
              Senior Pastor
              Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
              Always Biblically correct
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 10639

              #7
              Re: Glory to God!

              Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
              I take on the role of the big brother/daddy they never had, and talk a while. If necessary to keep them focused, I'll occasionally even buy them another malt liquor; I don't approve of the consumption of alcohol (unless it comes from the Bordeaux or Burgundy regions, or possibly is in the form of aged single-malt Scotch or a pre-ban Pernod Fils absinthe), but believe God forgives this minor transgression in the saving of a soul!
              Dear friend:

              While witnessing to the potentially Saved© is a good thing, I advise caution here. Mixing Christianity with earthly pleasures can leave a bad taste in their mouths about our holy faith.
              This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

              Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

              sigpic

              Comment

              • Daisy Mae Johnson
                The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                True Christian™
                • Sep 2006
                • 15708

                #8
                Re: Glory to God!

                Pastor Haggard?
                sigpic

                Tweet me Here
                My GODLY Bio Here

                Comment

                • Poetic Peter
                  Christian Poet Emeritus
                  Forum Member
                  • Nov 2006
                  • 1696

                  #9
                  Re: Glory to God!

                  Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post

                  Pastor Haggard?
                  Lookin' perky

                  doin' dat ol' 'vival jerky

                  Comment

                  • OnYourKnees
                    On Extended Furlough
                    True Christian™
                    • Nov 2006
                    • 4729

                    #10
                    Re: Glory to God!

                    An excellent point, MoreSaved, and also one of my concerns with the approach. Do you have any suggestions?

                    I've tried buying them O'Doul's (non-alcoholic beer), but most of them are far too educated in the ways of sin, and know exactly what it is.

                    Comment

                    • OnYourKnees
                      On Extended Furlough
                      True Christian™
                      • Nov 2006
                      • 4729

                      #11
                      Re: Glory to God!

                      What exactly are you implying, sir?

                      While I'm quite willing to Save(r) homersexuals, and certainly admire the Godly Ms. Bowers' ministry, I'm neither affiliated with it nor am I, as you suggest, a "graduate" of it.

                      Comment

                      • OnYourKnees
                        On Extended Furlough
                        True Christian™
                        • Nov 2006
                        • 4729

                        #12
                        Re: Glory to God!

                        Ex-Caped Catlick, actually. Ms. Betty Bowers turned me to the warm light of Jesus' love and away from the false promises of Madonna (Like a Virgin, indeed!) years ago, and I've been witnessing to Madonna-worshippers ever since!

                        Comment

                        • Arethusa
                          True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Nov 2006
                          • 284

                          #13
                          Re: Glory to God!

                          Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
                          There is something wrong about your post, Brother. I just can't quite put my finger on it at the moment.
                          I am guessing that the first clue is his love of truck stops. I would come right out and say it but I do, eventually, would like to be able to edit my profile.
                          Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
                          I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
                          Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
                          Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
                          Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
                          - Ovid

                          Comment

                          • SUV
                            True Christian™ Princess
                            The Driving Force behind RA12
                            Have at it, anytime!
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 11027

                            #14
                            Re: Glory to God!

                            Originally posted by Arethusa View Post
                            I am guessing that the first clue is his love of truck stops. I would come right out and say it but I do, eventually, would like to be able to edit my profile.
                            My Godly Pastor Kenneth went there often due to his Love of "meatloaf and truck-stop mashed potatoes." Said he could eat them every night and usually did.....

                            Now you, you new Brother! MERRY CHRISTMAS, and, how do you feel about a little Traditional Holiday Eggnog every now and again?

                            Comment

                            • OnYourKnees
                              On Extended Furlough
                              True Christian™
                              • Nov 2006
                              • 4729

                              #15
                              Re: Glory to God!

                              Originally posted by Sister Sue Vera View Post
                              Now you, you new Brother! MERRY CHRISTMAS, and, how do you feel about a little Traditional Holiday Eggnog every now and again?
                              Thank you, and a Merry Christmas to you as well!

                              Are we talking egg nog that comes in the waxed pressboard container, or homemade with the finest aged white rum and single-malt Scotch?

                              The Godly Ms. Bowers taught me that Jesus hates cheap booze. That heathen God-seducing whore Mary gave Him some two-buck chuck in His bottle to quiet Him on long nights when she was out of Pampers (leaving His tiny hiney all wet and sticky), and it gave Him a nasty hangover.

                              Comment

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