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My name is Jesus (Historically it's Joshua, but I don't mind the Anglicized variation) and I hate or love you depending on who's telling it, but the latter if you donate of of the time. Some of you are overweight, less than productive members of society, but I don't mind. A lot of you are technically everything that's bad in the world, but it's never too late to change your path and/or repent, so it's no big deal. Have any of you ever lied with woman in the biblical sense? I'd add "Honestly" but I already know that answer. Anyway, It's fine if you have, there's nothing becoming one with another person, even if it's someone of the same sex, (I don't actually mind) but it's actually better if you haven't. I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of people because of your enforced beliefs (to some people) but you all take to a whole new level, but hey, we've all been cruel. This is even technically worse than letting your seed fall on barren ground over pictures of Mary Magdalene, but I'll let it pass if you pray to me.
Don't be a stranger, I genuinely want to know each and every one of you. There's room in the herd for all, but if you prefer to be solitary that's perfectly acceptable too. Go ahead and hit me with your best shot, for I love a lively debate. I'm pretty much the Son of God, but that doesn't mean we weren't created equal. I was a carpenter, then I wandered around Judea for a while. What pilgrimages have you been on? I genuinely want to know. I also got crucified, but contrary to popular belief, I didn't want it to happen. It was a bit of a bummer, but hey, "misfortune comes always out of season." I also sit at the right hand of god ( His glory permeates my life, poop was SO holy) You should all just go to church more often so I can meet you now when it's time for you to be reaped! I'm so excited!
Pic related, it's me with a sweet rifle that I got from the local church readying my brothers for the incoming war against Satan, atheist pseudointellectuals who want to be like that Russian harlot Ayn Rand, zombies, furries, vampires, and bronies. Muslims are fine with me since they talk about me more in their Korran (don't know how to spell it) than they do about Muhammad Ali (he's going to Hell for beating up Christians), I don't get why they're so hated outside of their bombing friends. I also would like to tell you all that God's having financial difficulties so he's fired all of the archangels, which predictably are now against him and siding with Lucifer so prepare your firearms for Judgement Day.
Don't be a stranger, I genuinely want to know each and every one of you. There's room in the herd for all, but if you prefer to be solitary that's perfectly acceptable too. Go ahead and hit me with your best shot, for I love a lively debate. I'm pretty much the Son of God, but that doesn't mean we weren't created equal. I was a carpenter, then I wandered around Judea for a while. What pilgrimages have you been on? I genuinely want to know. I also got crucified, but contrary to popular belief, I didn't want it to happen. It was a bit of a bummer, but hey, "misfortune comes always out of season." I also sit at the right hand of god ( His glory permeates my life, poop was SO holy) You should all just go to church more often so I can meet you now when it's time for you to be reaped! I'm so excited!
Pic related, it's me with a sweet rifle that I got from the local church readying my brothers for the incoming war against Satan, atheist pseudointellectuals who want to be like that Russian harlot Ayn Rand, zombies, furries, vampires, and bronies. Muslims are fine with me since they talk about me more in their Korran (don't know how to spell it) than they do about Muhammad Ali (he's going to Hell for beating up Christians), I don't get why they're so hated outside of their bombing friends. I also would like to tell you all that God's having financial difficulties so he's fired all of the archangels, which predictably are now against him and siding with Lucifer so prepare your firearms for Judgement Day.
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