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  • Orem Festus Jr.
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Mar 2014
    • 50
    #1

    names Orem

    Howdy

    Names Orem

    Just sold enough go-fast to buy me one of them intranet connectins

    Made it in my own bathtub i did, burnt off half the skin off my back

    Old huntin dog died from the fumes, thats another story though

    I found ol Jesus in the bottom of a jam jar filled with white lightnin round about the time I was 11 years old

    Never lookt back since

    Prays His name

    Kinda reminds me of the time me and my brothers boy Jed was down in the holler tendin the still

    We was fixin up a fresh batch of mash when Jed yells Hey! Lookit all them squarrels!

    Aint that a sight I says to Jed. Reckon we should kill em
    Yeah says Jed I reckon your right

    So we takes our scatter guns and we pump all them varmits with hot lead

    After, we got a mess of about 20 squarrel piled up thare in front of us

    Jed looks at me and he says Hey! That sure is a fine mess of squarrels we got there Uncle Orem a fine mess indeed. What do you think we ought to do with em Smoke em or pickle em?

    What kind of a fool question is that,boy

    I says to Jed

    Smoke em of coarse

    Aint nothin rivals the taste of smoked vittles

    So we smoked em
    And they was tasty

    Bless yall
    Proverbs 23:8 The morsel which thou hast eaten shalt thou vomit up, and lose thy sweet words.
    Tags: None
    • Mother Of Seven
      True Christian™ with a quiverful
      • Jan 2014
      • 2243
      #2
      Re: names Orem

      tl;dr
      What is your favourite verse from the Bible and what church do you attend Brother Festus?

        Comment

        • WilliamJenningsBryan
          True Christian™
           
          • Jan 2007
          • 9384
          #3
          Re: names Orem

          Welcome to God's favorite forums Orem, it looks like you're filled with the Holy Spirit and possess the down home common sense, ingenuity, and improvisation towards life we enjoy here in Freehold.

          We certainly share your enthusiasm for guns, and enjoy the tall tales of shooting exemplified in so many Southern homilies - but perhaps in a more upscale fashion.

          Click image for larger version Name: RedNeckHotTub.jpg Views: 1 Size: 26.6 KB ID: 1918892
          Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
          brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
          ...and get off my lawn
          sigpic

            Comment

            • Orem Festus Jr.
              Forum Member
              Forum Member
              • Mar 2014
              • 50
              #4
              Re: names Orem

              Originally posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
              Welcome to God's favorite forums Orem, it looks like you're filled with the Holy Spirit and possess the down home common sense, ingenuity, and improvisation towards life we enjoy here in Freehold.

              We certainly share your enthusiasm for guns, and enjoy the tall tales of shooting exemplified in so many Southern homilies - but perhaps in a more upscale fashion.

              [ATTACH]22775[/ATTACH]
              That feller in the tub looks a lot like my half brother and cousin Angus Festus Jr. Lord knows I love my kinfolk but I dont trust ol Angus half as far as i can throw him.

              Angus has made his self a fixtire at the cabin ever since my wife started growing out her mustach again which she used to have the decency to shave off each sunday before church. Which to answer your questin miss mothe of 7 (holy hell woman thats a mess of youngins,God bless you)' pastor aint allowed me back in the church since 'the incident' as it has come to be called.thar was some ten years ago roundabout more or less i reckon. Thats another story though

              But getting back to Angus,that somnabitch
              Proverbs 23:8 The morsel which thou hast eaten shalt thou vomit up, and lose thy sweet words.

                Comment

                • Orem Festus Jr.
                  Forum Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Mar 2014
                  • 50
                  #5
                  Re: names Orem

                  Now that somnabitch being blessed with 2 fingers on his right hand and 8 on the left,you would think he would be content to let sleeping dogs lie.speaking of which that old devil is hell on the banjo and aint too shabby on the fiddle neither.which reminds me of the time me and my youngins Wheezer and Molly was out checking the traps and all of a sudden wheezer says to me he says..well,thats another story.
                  Proverbs 23:8 The morsel which thou hast eaten shalt thou vomit up, and lose thy sweet words.

                    Comment

                    • Mary Etheldreda
                      Gushing for Jesus
                       
                      • Sep 2011
                      • 23775
                      #6
                      Re: names Orem

                      Hello Mr. Festus, and welcome to our forum! Any friend of is a friend of mine.

                      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                        Comment

                        • KateSanders
                          Forum Member
                          Forum Member
                          • Nov 2011
                          • 77
                          #7
                          Re: names Orem

                          Welcome to God's favorite forums.

                            Comment

                            • TaraAnne
                              Forum Member
                              Forum Member
                              • Jan 2010
                              • 180
                              #8
                              Re: names Orem

                              Mr. Festus,


                              Very nice to meet you!! So glad you are here. I would love to hear more about you! Nothing like good Southern folks. Down to earth people that live off God's land!!
                              sigpic

                              Charter Member Pearland, Texas

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