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Hello, my name is Michelle.
I've been reading posts on this site for days now, and when I decided to join I initially was troubled with the desire to lie about myself so my voice is heard.
But I understand, I will come forth with full honesty.
I am an 18 year old girl. I was raised in not only a Catholic family but in a Catholic school up until 7th grade.
I am no longer Catholic. I broke away during the end of my 16th year.
Since then, I've been on a journey.
A journey to find God, and to find myself.
I've seen both sides of it all, what it is like to live in a strict doctrine, and what it is like to live in a secular, material world.
I've known people who worked their best to be devoted to God, I've known people who have seen gang murder.
I've known the straight, the bisexuals, and the homosexuals.
I've known the Republicans and the Democrats.
I've known the lovers and the haters. And the people who just don't care.
I've known the afflicted, the cured, the suicidal, the sane.
I've known love where there is hate, and hate where there is love.
I was abused for loving God.
Even if I was a Catholic, it was all I knew. I loved God.
A girl believed she was going to hell, she decided to torment me for years.
I've healed from most of those wounds.
I may have only lived 18 years on Earth, but I've known many people.
Moving a lot does that.
There's a few things my heart has been urging for me to express to you all.
I do not come to confront you.
I do not come to test your faith.
I do not come to flame you.
I do not come in attempt to convert you, for I have nothing to convert you to.
I come to you as a soul who has allowed itself to experience many sides of humanity, and offer my humble thoughts, and to hear yours in return.
Before I begin, I know there are a few questions I should answer.
Church: I currently attend none. When I was a Catholic I would go every day.
Favorite Bible Verse: I'd tell you if I knew. I do have a favorite but I cannot find it. I used to live in a house with my parents with a demonic entity. One night I pulled out my KJV Bible, opened to a random page, and the verses I read coincided exactly with what I was going through and feeling in fear of this entity, and told me how to fix it. I've spent a lot of time over the years trying to find it. No luck so far.
Okay,
First off I'd like to talk about a phenomenon with Catholicism and many religions.
I never had a chance to explore other religions, I was given Catholicism and I was expected to swallow it.
To peer outwards from Catholicism is scary, like many other religions you are verbally beaten into your mind that "If you deviate, you will burn in hell for eternity." Yea, I know you can empathize with how I felt at the thought of making such a mistake and experiencing ultimate torture for the rest of my soul's existence.
I am sure many of you are aware, but this is why a lot of people don't leap out of their religions and jump into your True Christian carriage to heaven. If it isn't hell that's threatened, something else that the religion holds as ultimate punishment is. People fear God's wrath, or Allah's or whatever they call the subject of their beliefs.
In summary, they fear.
The secular world...
Boy this was an eye opener. You hear about it, read about it, but to become a PART of it for a while is something else.
I always believed in God through it, however, it basically is a whirlwind stripping off your barriers you put up to protect yourself from sin.
Some regions of the secular matrix are disgusting, some regions are a bit scary, and some I will admit feel good. All in all it shows you a closer representation of human nature. I will say though, to get a better perspective you need to experience different communities and cultures.
I've been persuaded too often to loose my virginity.
Never did!
Drugs and alcohol have been offered to me while out with some of my friends more than once... Never took any with them.
A lot of people I've run into in this secular matrix simply don't care. I think that's why many of them turn to alcohol and drugs. They want to feel and experience. It's a reason for them to have fun and feel good. It's also a way for them to forget. Many were abused when they were young or simply neglected. It shows.
The stories I'd hear broke my heart. I am aware many here hold the belief of doing these things to minors, I understand. I won't argue right now, but that is another reason why others are alienated from being a True Christian.
Seeing others suffer in the name of God is in fact heart breaking to many.
Moving on...
My adolescent experiences in Catholicism has bumped me into masses of people who practice it.
The ones who really try, in their minds and in their hearts, are beautiful.
An elder I knew, Annette, bless her she's taken my family in when we were homeless. She tries so hard to please God and Jesus. We sometimes worry, she often appears to be working herself to death! Regardless of her Catholic beliefs, she wants the best for everyone. She talks about Jesus all the time and often corrects people on views about Jesus.
I will say many Catholics appear to be corrupt,but not all of them.
Then there are those associated with gangs.
I can't say much other than they are experiencing one or a combination of a few issues. These are some, but not all:
A.) They are lonely and looking for a place to fit in.
B.)They desire a family unit.
C.) It's what people are doing around them, they want to fit in.
D.) Self image problems.
E.) A belief it is the only way to survive.
F.) A lover is a member.
G.) They were born into it.
A surprising number are what most would call "Christian".
My experiences of others of the rainbow.
Most of my friends I have accumulated over the years expressed to be straight. When I meet people, I try not to judge them initially. I like to get to know the soul under the surface. So, I've gotten to know a few who are what one could say: not the straightest ray on the rainbow. Funny thing, when I first sat down at a lunch table in a cafeteria at the high school I am graduating in a few days, a girl looking at me intensely asked me if I was a lesbian.
"No," I replied. They all looked at me, boys and girls alike.
She said with a smile, "That's too bad. Everyone else here is."
I am normally tolerant, however that made me feel uncomfortable. I no longer sit with them, not for that reason but because I found my group of friends.
I will say, one of them is as she puts it, "Panasexual". She will love anyone that makes her happy. I know she is bisexual, although she doesn't give off that satanic vibe
.
I don't have a lot of friends. I don't fit in well.
Republicans and Democrats.
People of God can be on either side. I know, a set definition is in place of what it means to be a True Christian, but what I mean is, you have to understand people a little more. They are people, and some are swayed by one political belief over the other. Feeling one side is better than another doesn't alone make them evil. There can be many reasons for this. They may have grown up in a family that taught him or her the ways of democratic, liberal, or other ways of thinking.
Most of you already know this.
At face value many are judged to be damned to hell. What about the heart? What about the true intentions of the individual? Is God walled off from knowing what is inside a person? Does he truly take everything at face value?
I want to know.
I want to understand.
I can predict any answers you may give will probably contain a verse from Scripture.
It's just the way it is right? If you do something, or not do something, you are damned. Says it right there in black and white.
The KJV Bible.
The book of God written and combined by men inspired by divine intervention, translated.
This is where a fork in the road of belief is encountered.
There are those who believe it is the book of God written and combined by men inspired by divine intervention, translated. As I just said.
There are those who believe it is the book of God written and combined by men.
There are those who believe it is the book of God inspired by divine intervention.
One may not contemplate these different options, but someone is bound to lean in one of those three directions, the first being a sort of midway, however it can contain a definition of inner understanding and/or belief all its own.
I have yet to figure it out, which do you hold is the most true?
The first as I stated can be a midway. A compromise of ultimate extremes. Written by man, intervened by the Divine. A bit of each. Best of both worlds.
Others feel it is wholly both, which does have a separate meaning. Both man and the Divine had their all in its creation, more than just a compromise between two ends of a spectrum.
The second can be interpreted by people in different ways. Some may take it as, men created the Bible to document holy occurrences, etc.
They may then take it as something to follow.
Others may take it as: only men wrote the bible. No divine reasons, it was created by crazy people. They will take it as a nonliteral piece of work. Some even believe it to be part of a dark agenda of control.
Not that it is dark, but it does keep people under control aye?
Finally, the third. Completely divine, no thought put into the men who physically put the Bible together. Either people just choose to believe no one physically created it (which I will bet is a minority), or they just don't care to think about it (which I will bet is a great many people).
So may I ask again, how do you take the KJV Bible?
Love and Hate
There's many theories on the roots of each.
Love is Love, Hate is Hate.
Do you practice Conditional Love/Hate? or Unconditional?
If you follow Scripture, it is probably conditional.
Do you know what it feels like to be hated? To feel unloved? Do you really know, on a significant level?
Do you know what it does to people if left in these conditions for extended periods of time? Years?
I have to ask you, why do you hate others who don't follow these set rules so deeply?
Was it because you were told to by Scripture or allowed to?
Is it a direct order to hate? Or is it something you are given the option to do to go along with your judgments that you choose to act upon?
You look at souls, and you throw them into the trash. Verbally and in your hearts. So be it.
I am also here to remind you, there is also a recycle bin sitting next to it.
There is a quote I love, “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.” ― Oscar Wilde.
You often forget that we are not static when you need to remember the most. We are not frozen in time after we choose to believe something that could damn us.
A little help, please.
Reach out to those who have fallen. With care, not just Scripture. You need to reach them first on a deeper, human level for many to respond.
Some will resist, and even attack.
But some will reach out for your hand, desperate for someone's Love and care.
They are God's divine children.
Out of his Breath they were created, and upon his intake they will return, if they and their Father so choose.
A soul who may be burning, could have been saved if someone like you reached out.
Does this matter to you?
Are you Love or Hate based?
I am not here to challenge. Only to speak.
There are things I've been lead to say.
I do not harm intentionally.
I do not hate, and this is because I see the Light, the Potential in everyone.
I do not so quickly judge, and this is because I cannot see the depths of someone's heart. I cannot see their pain. I cannot see their intentions. No, but I feel them. And I could never hate someone once I've felt them.
I personally leave the judging between each Soul and God.
We are His children. Will we abandon each other in Hate? Such as Cain murdered Abel? Yes, their situation was different. But a theme is present in both: Brother murdered Brother.
I do not speak of murder in the literal sense, but the betrayal, the abandonment, that comes with it.
We can all be True Christians, True Children of God, and still lend a helping hand to those who have fallen.
I have chosen to live in different spectrums of experience.
I have yet much to learn ahead of me.
I have however, learned enough to speak.
I Love You.
I've been reading posts on this site for days now, and when I decided to join I initially was troubled with the desire to lie about myself so my voice is heard.
But I understand, I will come forth with full honesty.
I am an 18 year old girl. I was raised in not only a Catholic family but in a Catholic school up until 7th grade.
I am no longer Catholic. I broke away during the end of my 16th year.
Since then, I've been on a journey.
A journey to find God, and to find myself.
I've seen both sides of it all, what it is like to live in a strict doctrine, and what it is like to live in a secular, material world.
I've known people who worked their best to be devoted to God, I've known people who have seen gang murder.
I've known the straight, the bisexuals, and the homosexuals.
I've known the Republicans and the Democrats.
I've known the lovers and the haters. And the people who just don't care.
I've known the afflicted, the cured, the suicidal, the sane.
I've known love where there is hate, and hate where there is love.
I was abused for loving God.
Even if I was a Catholic, it was all I knew. I loved God.
A girl believed she was going to hell, she decided to torment me for years.
I've healed from most of those wounds.
I may have only lived 18 years on Earth, but I've known many people.
Moving a lot does that.
There's a few things my heart has been urging for me to express to you all.
I do not come to confront you.
I do not come to test your faith.
I do not come to flame you.
I do not come in attempt to convert you, for I have nothing to convert you to.
I come to you as a soul who has allowed itself to experience many sides of humanity, and offer my humble thoughts, and to hear yours in return.
Before I begin, I know there are a few questions I should answer.
Church: I currently attend none. When I was a Catholic I would go every day.
Favorite Bible Verse: I'd tell you if I knew. I do have a favorite but I cannot find it. I used to live in a house with my parents with a demonic entity. One night I pulled out my KJV Bible, opened to a random page, and the verses I read coincided exactly with what I was going through and feeling in fear of this entity, and told me how to fix it. I've spent a lot of time over the years trying to find it. No luck so far.
Okay,
First off I'd like to talk about a phenomenon with Catholicism and many religions.
I never had a chance to explore other religions, I was given Catholicism and I was expected to swallow it.
To peer outwards from Catholicism is scary, like many other religions you are verbally beaten into your mind that "If you deviate, you will burn in hell for eternity." Yea, I know you can empathize with how I felt at the thought of making such a mistake and experiencing ultimate torture for the rest of my soul's existence.
I am sure many of you are aware, but this is why a lot of people don't leap out of their religions and jump into your True Christian carriage to heaven. If it isn't hell that's threatened, something else that the religion holds as ultimate punishment is. People fear God's wrath, or Allah's or whatever they call the subject of their beliefs.
In summary, they fear.
The secular world...
Boy this was an eye opener. You hear about it, read about it, but to become a PART of it for a while is something else.
I always believed in God through it, however, it basically is a whirlwind stripping off your barriers you put up to protect yourself from sin.
Some regions of the secular matrix are disgusting, some regions are a bit scary, and some I will admit feel good. All in all it shows you a closer representation of human nature. I will say though, to get a better perspective you need to experience different communities and cultures.
I've been persuaded too often to loose my virginity.
Never did!
Drugs and alcohol have been offered to me while out with some of my friends more than once... Never took any with them.
A lot of people I've run into in this secular matrix simply don't care. I think that's why many of them turn to alcohol and drugs. They want to feel and experience. It's a reason for them to have fun and feel good. It's also a way for them to forget. Many were abused when they were young or simply neglected. It shows.
The stories I'd hear broke my heart. I am aware many here hold the belief of doing these things to minors, I understand. I won't argue right now, but that is another reason why others are alienated from being a True Christian.
Seeing others suffer in the name of God is in fact heart breaking to many.
Moving on...
My adolescent experiences in Catholicism has bumped me into masses of people who practice it.
The ones who really try, in their minds and in their hearts, are beautiful.
An elder I knew, Annette, bless her she's taken my family in when we were homeless. She tries so hard to please God and Jesus. We sometimes worry, she often appears to be working herself to death! Regardless of her Catholic beliefs, she wants the best for everyone. She talks about Jesus all the time and often corrects people on views about Jesus.
I will say many Catholics appear to be corrupt,but not all of them.
Then there are those associated with gangs.
I can't say much other than they are experiencing one or a combination of a few issues. These are some, but not all:
A.) They are lonely and looking for a place to fit in.
B.)They desire a family unit.
C.) It's what people are doing around them, they want to fit in.
D.) Self image problems.
E.) A belief it is the only way to survive.
F.) A lover is a member.
G.) They were born into it.
A surprising number are what most would call "Christian".
My experiences of others of the rainbow.
Most of my friends I have accumulated over the years expressed to be straight. When I meet people, I try not to judge them initially. I like to get to know the soul under the surface. So, I've gotten to know a few who are what one could say: not the straightest ray on the rainbow. Funny thing, when I first sat down at a lunch table in a cafeteria at the high school I am graduating in a few days, a girl looking at me intensely asked me if I was a lesbian.
"No," I replied. They all looked at me, boys and girls alike.
She said with a smile, "That's too bad. Everyone else here is."
I am normally tolerant, however that made me feel uncomfortable. I no longer sit with them, not for that reason but because I found my group of friends.
I will say, one of them is as she puts it, "Panasexual". She will love anyone that makes her happy. I know she is bisexual, although she doesn't give off that satanic vibe
.I don't have a lot of friends. I don't fit in well.
Republicans and Democrats.
People of God can be on either side. I know, a set definition is in place of what it means to be a True Christian, but what I mean is, you have to understand people a little more. They are people, and some are swayed by one political belief over the other. Feeling one side is better than another doesn't alone make them evil. There can be many reasons for this. They may have grown up in a family that taught him or her the ways of democratic, liberal, or other ways of thinking.
Most of you already know this.
At face value many are judged to be damned to hell. What about the heart? What about the true intentions of the individual? Is God walled off from knowing what is inside a person? Does he truly take everything at face value?
I want to know.
I want to understand.
I can predict any answers you may give will probably contain a verse from Scripture.
It's just the way it is right? If you do something, or not do something, you are damned. Says it right there in black and white.
The KJV Bible.
The book of God written and combined by men inspired by divine intervention, translated.
This is where a fork in the road of belief is encountered.
There are those who believe it is the book of God written and combined by men inspired by divine intervention, translated. As I just said.
There are those who believe it is the book of God written and combined by men.
There are those who believe it is the book of God inspired by divine intervention.
One may not contemplate these different options, but someone is bound to lean in one of those three directions, the first being a sort of midway, however it can contain a definition of inner understanding and/or belief all its own.
I have yet to figure it out, which do you hold is the most true?
The first as I stated can be a midway. A compromise of ultimate extremes. Written by man, intervened by the Divine. A bit of each. Best of both worlds.
Others feel it is wholly both, which does have a separate meaning. Both man and the Divine had their all in its creation, more than just a compromise between two ends of a spectrum.
The second can be interpreted by people in different ways. Some may take it as, men created the Bible to document holy occurrences, etc.
They may then take it as something to follow.
Others may take it as: only men wrote the bible. No divine reasons, it was created by crazy people. They will take it as a nonliteral piece of work. Some even believe it to be part of a dark agenda of control.
Not that it is dark, but it does keep people under control aye?
Finally, the third. Completely divine, no thought put into the men who physically put the Bible together. Either people just choose to believe no one physically created it (which I will bet is a minority), or they just don't care to think about it (which I will bet is a great many people).
So may I ask again, how do you take the KJV Bible?
Love and Hate
There's many theories on the roots of each.
Love is Love, Hate is Hate.
Do you practice Conditional Love/Hate? or Unconditional?
If you follow Scripture, it is probably conditional.
Do you know what it feels like to be hated? To feel unloved? Do you really know, on a significant level?
Do you know what it does to people if left in these conditions for extended periods of time? Years?
I have to ask you, why do you hate others who don't follow these set rules so deeply?
Was it because you were told to by Scripture or allowed to?
Is it a direct order to hate? Or is it something you are given the option to do to go along with your judgments that you choose to act upon?
You look at souls, and you throw them into the trash. Verbally and in your hearts. So be it.
I am also here to remind you, there is also a recycle bin sitting next to it.
There is a quote I love, “Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.” ― Oscar Wilde.
You often forget that we are not static when you need to remember the most. We are not frozen in time after we choose to believe something that could damn us.
A little help, please.
Reach out to those who have fallen. With care, not just Scripture. You need to reach them first on a deeper, human level for many to respond.
Some will resist, and even attack.
But some will reach out for your hand, desperate for someone's Love and care.
They are God's divine children.
Out of his Breath they were created, and upon his intake they will return, if they and their Father so choose.
A soul who may be burning, could have been saved if someone like you reached out.
Does this matter to you?
Are you Love or Hate based?
I am not here to challenge. Only to speak.
There are things I've been lead to say.
I do not harm intentionally.
I do not hate, and this is because I see the Light, the Potential in everyone.
I do not so quickly judge, and this is because I cannot see the depths of someone's heart. I cannot see their pain. I cannot see their intentions. No, but I feel them. And I could never hate someone once I've felt them.
I personally leave the judging between each Soul and God.
We are His children. Will we abandon each other in Hate? Such as Cain murdered Abel? Yes, their situation was different. But a theme is present in both: Brother murdered Brother.
I do not speak of murder in the literal sense, but the betrayal, the abandonment, that comes with it.
We can all be True Christians, True Children of God, and still lend a helping hand to those who have fallen.
I have chosen to live in different spectrums of experience.
I have yet much to learn ahead of me.
I have however, learned enough to speak.
I Love You.
I am not Catholic. I no longer am. Even when I was a Catholic, we were taught about the Holy Ghost/Spirit. I do get it, alright? The religion I left over two years ago is not curtailing my intelligence anymore 
Do you think it's some sort of freshman creative writing exercise?
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